The Tuscany of Canada

Just watch. They have that big outdoor feast cliché happening in a beautiful field of green.

Finally, Michael J. Fox found a job, and so did Sarah McLachlan, who has been milking her ancient sad song in the service of dying puppies for way too long. Not that British Columbia really needs promoting, but they threw together a host of local celebs who urge you to come see their home. But I was sold on the beauty of BC long ago, first by Steve Martin's "Roxanne," filmed in Nelson, BC, then by Robert Kaplan's "An Empire Wilderness," in which after traipsing through a dystopian American landscape, the author finds a true Emerald City in Vancouver.



Never been, but it sure looks nice. I'm sold. I may even have been convinced that my expatriate destination of choice is no longer South Australia. Oh, wait: "According to the International Housing Affordability Survey of 2009, Vancouver was ranked at 262 out of 265 cities in six countries, so it's less affordable than New York (ranked at 251st place)."

I guess that explains the celebrities.

From Kintore East to Yuendumu

Stan, as well as the Monkey Messiah, both alert me to a new campaign from Australian film director Baz Lurhmann for Australia tourism. In this spot (a likely never-to-be-aired :90) the harried NYC executive gets the news from her guy that “we need to take a break.” You’re not sure if that means, “Let’s go on vacation” or “Let’s start seeing other people.” But when she gets back to her apartment, he calls again, this time saying, “You’re not the same person I fell in love with.” Ouch.

So the darling Aboriginal child sneaks into her apartment and sprinkles her with magic red sand from the Australian desert, whispering the solution to her life and love woes: Walkabout!

Dissolve to snake-infested billabong somewhere in the fly-infested desert, where harried executive and her guy are getting ready to make love by moonlight, complete with the magical red sand infesting the crevices of their bodies. Would’ve been much cheaper to just get a cabin in the Adirondacks if "rejuvenation" is the only selling point of Australia.



It’s pretty. It tells a story. It’s engaging. But as someone who actually plans to visit (perhaps live in) Australia some day, it seems a bit of a cliché. Mystical Aboriginal girl, the whole Walkabout thing, the buzzing, cold and dark city versus the calm country contrasts already done to death in the Squatsi trilogy. Why not throw in Steve Irwin for good measure? Oh, that’s right. Sorry.

I guess I want the actual Australia I’m going to see, not the fabled Outback Steakhouse version. Avoid the Opera House and Ayers Rock, of course, but maybe make Australia a little more tangible and real. I have an image of Australia that doesn't involve billabongs. It's about sunny beaches and vibrant cities, verdant valleys and cool people.

Then again, that cliché may have been done to death already as well.

barry.obama1961@gmail.com

If you've had at least half an ear to the news lately, you've likely heard that some evil Democrat Children pulled a page from the stinking Republican playbook and VIOLATED THE SANCTITY of Her Holiness Sister Sarah's Yahoo! account and published some very uninteresting crap. So The Onion, where I want to work someday, did us one better.

Inside Obama's emails

via American in Berlin Rachel Doyle.

Come on Baby, Lawn is Burning

Daylight Savings Time
from the album, Geometry

Who wrote this scene? You know what I mean.
It finally registers and rings.
Dodging knives, rearranging lives.
There were a thousand little things.
Grab a towel. Hear the wind howl.
Tell me, who loves you more?
Rain is gone, baby. (Lawn is too, maybe.)
Let’s say we hit the shore.

Come on, Baby – Lawn is burning – season’s turning.
There’s nothing left but rock
Save daylight - turn back the clock
Jumping off a floating casino on a cruise to Mexico

You don’t want that life. I don’t need that strife.
Blinds drawn on an ocean view.
And we’ll find it, too – what we were born to do.
We’ll go where we please.
We’ll see through the trees.
We’ll shoot at the knees.

I’ll drink your wine. We’ll dine, recline.
You caught the subtle pass.
We took a chance. We left the dance.
Raise a toast. I’ll refill your glass.
Grab a raft and paddle like mad.
No need to pack a case.
We're jumping ship. You bit my lip.
We'll find a quiet cove – a secret place.

Come on, Baby – Lawn is burning – season’s turning.
There’s nothing left but rock.
Save daylight - turn back the clock
Shut the doors on the club where the voices were dubbed

We don’t want that life. Dull as butter knife.
We're gold now, no longer blue.
And we’ll find it too – what we were born to do
We’ll go where we please.
We’ll see through the trees.
We’ll shoot at the knees.

We made the scene. You know what I mean.
We were dying to find a cure.
Who's gonna mock the heavens at half past eleven?
Baby, I ain't never seen you so sure.

Come on, Baby – Lawn is burning – season’s turning.
There's nothing left but rock.
Save daylight
Come on, Baby – Lawn is burning – season’s turning.
Have you had enough talk?
Save daylight - turn back the clock
You know it's twice as nice in our private island paradise

I don’t want that life. You don't need that strife.
We're gonna be made new.
And we’ll find it too – what we were born to do
We’ll go where we please.
We’ll see through the trees.
And we'll shoot at the knees.

The Happiest Place in the World?

That would be Denmark, according to some surveys. Denmark has also been considered the second most peaceful place in the world, behind Iceland. But as they say in Denmark, "Who the hell wants to live in fucking Iceland?"

Pretty pastoral and peaceful place.

And wouldn't you be peaceful and happy if you got the whole summer off? Here in the States, we've always heard rumors of those liberal European and Scandinavian countries where the people go "on holiday" for months on end, then return to their cushy jobs where they work six-hour days, three of which are spent at lunch where they drink many adult beverages. They retire at the age of 50 and enjoy free meals at all restaurants and free rail and air travel just by flashing their "retired" cards. Health care is free and everyone lives to be 100 just by eating yogurt and fish. No one is poor and the bus drivers sing jolly songs as they cheerily drop you right at your front door.

OK, maybe some of that isn't true, but a visit to the Advance blog (an agency in København - that's Copenhagen for us ugly Americans) has a post titled Closing Down for the Summer. Another post on the blog reveals some very peaceful and happy people on a seaside film shoot. Advance has one of the few agency blogs that doesn't try too hard and yet isn't ashamed of being an agency blog. More on that in another post - this is about Denmark, Land of the Free and Home of the Whole Damned Summer Off.

Here is an inside peek at Advance, where they have perfected the Cool Agency Interior Design Style of placing things at unconventional angles, opaque divider walls, weird chairs that few people sit in, natural wood floors, exposed ductwork, track lighting, a "library" and people who look blurry walking past windows letting in sunlight.

A Creative could get Creative in a space like this

I may have found a Heaven on Earth to replace my other dream ex-pat destination, Australia.

Where Women Glow and Men Plunder

Tired of the petty politics, celebrity obsession, rampant crime and general malaise of your home country? Australia may be just the place you've been dreaming of. Sure, we have our own idiots to deal with, but all in all, we're not bad.

Wide open spaces, cool cities, nice weather and decent people. Yes, you’ll have to get used to a few differences, like summer being winter and vice versa. We also drive on the left side of the road, but it's not that big of a deal after you've done it for a day. As for the sinks draining in the opposite direction, that's a myth. Crocodile Dundee is a stereotype, so don't expect to see guys like that. Also, Outback Steakhouse is not a fair representation of our country.

You're welcome to visit, of course, but we’re looking for skilled, hard-working types who want to make a new life in a country that hasn't yet been completely screwed up by American culture. Visit the Australian Department of Immigration to find out more.

For a few years now, I've been romanticizing life Down Under. I've read some books and regularly visit some Aussie sites. It gets nicer looking every day. Personally, I've got the city of Adelaide in mind. This kind of wanderlust is common in a global economy. My next door neighbors are from England. (He helps build missiles for Lockheed/Martin.) One of the proofreaders here at work is a native Londoner. Sometimes, the grass just looks greener.

For a good primer on Australia for the American, check out Bill Bryson's book In a Sunburned Country.