Rock Lyrics as Spoken Word

Another random, throwaway creation made possible by the fun diversion known as Xtranormal. I heard this on the way to work and decided it would sound good as a poem. It doesn't really. Rarely do rock lyrics translate well when spoken aloud, but this little Lego man puts in a nice effort in what Xtranormal calls the "Australian English Male" voice, one of a few accent options. We'll pretend he's standing in the middle of a street in Adelaide.

Final stanza of "Hump de Bump."



See the real video (directed by Chris Rock) associated with these lyrics here.

Note for the audiophiles: On the original song, after the drum break when the trumpets get going, (which is where this stanza occurs) adjust the balance fully to the left speaker and enjoy the very cool fills that get lost in the regular mix. Rick Rubin, you should've listened to me.

Seven (Future) Things About Me

During the last round of "Seven Things About Me," the blogger meme where you tell....yes... seven (likely unknown) things about yourself...I opted out when a few of my virtual friends asked me to play along, citing my previous involvement in the game.

I've rethought it and decided to play, but with a twist.

I will reveal seven things about my future self, and then call out a few bloggers to do the same.

1. After the publication of my epic saga and the subsequent sale of the movie rights to Spike Lee (who was in a bitter bidding war with Ron Howard), I was able to move to Adelaide, SA and became a citizen of Australia. I think it was the appointment of Sean Hannity as Secretary of Patriotism by President Limbaugh that finally tipped the scales.
2. I finally learned to surf, but finding surf in SA without great white sharks isn’t easy.
3. We have a vineyard and farm in the Barossa Valley. We make some wine, but we always end up drinking it all or giving it away as gifts. The farm is mostly an excuse for our dog to practice sheep herding, which he sucks at.
4. Whenever we visit the States (maybe once a year, lately) we like to mess with people by acting like we can’t understand them through their thick accents.
5. Our daily 30-minute show (Monday-Friday, live online) Radio Free Babylon, was banned in Saudi Arabia. Again. After that, Pepsi stopped sponsoring us, leaving the door open for Coke. The contract says we have to drink it on-camera, but I usually spike mine.
6. During the Canadian-American War, I started stockpiling weapons, water and food. Don’t come looking for them.
7. I can finally speak Spanish fluently, which is useless down here.

And now, your turn:

Bill
Kym
Kaitlyn
Chimp
Lori
MMM
Stan
Broad
Corey

Where Women Glow and Men Plunder

Tired of the petty politics, celebrity obsession, rampant crime and general malaise of your home country? Australia may be just the place you've been dreaming of. Sure, we have our own idiots to deal with, but all in all, we're not bad.

Wide open spaces, cool cities, nice weather and decent people. Yes, you’ll have to get used to a few differences, like summer being winter and vice versa. We also drive on the left side of the road, but it's not that big of a deal after you've done it for a day. As for the sinks draining in the opposite direction, that's a myth. Crocodile Dundee is a stereotype, so don't expect to see guys like that. Also, Outback Steakhouse is not a fair representation of our country.

You're welcome to visit, of course, but we’re looking for skilled, hard-working types who want to make a new life in a country that hasn't yet been completely screwed up by American culture. Visit the Australian Department of Immigration to find out more.

For a few years now, I've been romanticizing life Down Under. I've read some books and regularly visit some Aussie sites. It gets nicer looking every day. Personally, I've got the city of Adelaide in mind. This kind of wanderlust is common in a global economy. My next door neighbors are from England. (He helps build missiles for Lockheed/Martin.) One of the proofreaders here at work is a native Londoner. Sometimes, the grass just looks greener.

For a good primer on Australia for the American, check out Bill Bryson's book In a Sunburned Country.