Rock Lyrics as Spoken Word

Another random, throwaway creation made possible by the fun diversion known as Xtranormal. I heard this on the way to work and decided it would sound good as a poem. It doesn't really. Rarely do rock lyrics translate well when spoken aloud, but this little Lego man puts in a nice effort in what Xtranormal calls the "Australian English Male" voice, one of a few accent options. We'll pretend he's standing in the middle of a street in Adelaide.

Final stanza of "Hump de Bump."



See the real video (directed by Chris Rock) associated with these lyrics here.

Note for the audiophiles: On the original song, after the drum break when the trumpets get going, (which is where this stanza occurs) adjust the balance fully to the left speaker and enjoy the very cool fills that get lost in the regular mix. Rick Rubin, you should've listened to me.

Seven (Future) Things About Me

During the last round of "Seven Things About Me," the blogger meme where you tell....yes... seven (likely unknown) things about yourself...I opted out when a few of my virtual friends asked me to play along, citing my previous involvement in the game.

I've rethought it and decided to play, but with a twist.

I will reveal seven things about my future self, and then call out a few bloggers to do the same.

1. After the publication of my epic saga and the subsequent sale of the movie rights to Spike Lee (who was in a bitter bidding war with Ron Howard), I was able to move to Adelaide, SA and became a citizen of Australia. I think it was the appointment of Sean Hannity as Secretary of Patriotism by President Limbaugh that finally tipped the scales.
2. I finally learned to surf, but finding surf in SA without great white sharks isn’t easy.
3. We have a vineyard and farm in the Barossa Valley. We make some wine, but we always end up drinking it all or giving it away as gifts. The farm is mostly an excuse for our dog to practice sheep herding, which he sucks at.
4. Whenever we visit the States (maybe once a year, lately) we like to mess with people by acting like we can’t understand them through their thick accents.
5. Our daily 30-minute show (Monday-Friday, live online) Radio Free Babylon, was banned in Saudi Arabia. Again. After that, Pepsi stopped sponsoring us, leaving the door open for Coke. The contract says we have to drink it on-camera, but I usually spike mine.
6. During the Canadian-American War, I started stockpiling weapons, water and food. Don’t come looking for them.
7. I can finally speak Spanish fluently, which is useless down here.

And now, your turn:

Bill
Kym
Kaitlyn
Chimp
Lori
MMM
Stan
Broad
Corey

From Kintore East to Yuendumu

Stan, as well as the Monkey Messiah, both alert me to a new campaign from Australian film director Baz Lurhmann for Australia tourism. In this spot (a likely never-to-be-aired :90) the harried NYC executive gets the news from her guy that “we need to take a break.” You’re not sure if that means, “Let’s go on vacation” or “Let’s start seeing other people.” But when she gets back to her apartment, he calls again, this time saying, “You’re not the same person I fell in love with.” Ouch.

So the darling Aboriginal child sneaks into her apartment and sprinkles her with magic red sand from the Australian desert, whispering the solution to her life and love woes: Walkabout!

Dissolve to snake-infested billabong somewhere in the fly-infested desert, where harried executive and her guy are getting ready to make love by moonlight, complete with the magical red sand infesting the crevices of their bodies. Would’ve been much cheaper to just get a cabin in the Adirondacks if "rejuvenation" is the only selling point of Australia.



It’s pretty. It tells a story. It’s engaging. But as someone who actually plans to visit (perhaps live in) Australia some day, it seems a bit of a cliché. Mystical Aboriginal girl, the whole Walkabout thing, the buzzing, cold and dark city versus the calm country contrasts already done to death in the Squatsi trilogy. Why not throw in Steve Irwin for good measure? Oh, that’s right. Sorry.

I guess I want the actual Australia I’m going to see, not the fabled Outback Steakhouse version. Avoid the Opera House and Ayers Rock, of course, but maybe make Australia a little more tangible and real. I have an image of Australia that doesn't involve billabongs. It's about sunny beaches and vibrant cities, verdant valleys and cool people.

Then again, that cliché may have been done to death already as well.

Jammakane Says "Psyche! I'll Debate Ya!"

Much has been written, spoken and shouted with insane partisan vitriol about the thinness of Obama's resume, and to reply with "He was a community organizer!" is a pretty weak retort. Obama's resume is extremely thin, but one thing Obama isn't is a knee-jerk, stunt-prone, crap-shootin' drama queen, like The War Hero Straight Talking Maverick Man of Action, John Sydney McCain III.

We've just been through eight years of a cock-sure bastard of a spoiled frat-boy President, and fully one half of this country is ready to replace him with another. Obama displays grace under pressure, whereas McCain acts on impulse, often looking petulant and borderline insane. Call it politics, but picking Sarah Palin showed a giant lapse in judgment, as did his recent "I've got to go to Washington and put my country first" bullshit ploy.

Turns out Ole Man will be at Ole Miss tonight for the big debate, now that he got his photo-op where he was pretending to be involved in the Wall Street bailout while pretending to suspend his campaign. I probably agree more with McCain on the issues than I do with Obama, but the man's severe lack of integrity, while loudly proclaiming what a man of integrity he is, makes me unable to take him seriously. With apologies to anyone who likes him, I think this guy is an absolute piece of shit, and I'm pretty sure I still have the right to think that in America.

I propose a new drinking game for tonight's debate:

• Every time McCain says "My friends," do a shot.
• Every time he says, "Here's some straight talk," do two shots.
• Every time he refers to Vietnam or brings up being a POW, do three shots.

You will be wasted in five minutes.

Speaking of Ole Miss, how do they get away, in this day and age, of calling their team "The Rebels"? That old Southern Pride dies hard. Not that I am in favor of revisionist history, but Rebels? Really? Why not the Slave Holders? Or Racists? How about Lynch Mob?

And lest anyone doubt that this election is tinged with overt racism, there is an underground element at work that will never in a million years consider voting for a black man. I received a mass email last night, forwarded who-knows-how-many times to countless individuals. The text of the email said, "This is tooooo funny!!!!!" Below that was a Photoshopped image of Obama shining Palin's shoes. The original photograph can be seen here, and the photographer from Australia is not amused.

The Happiest Place in the World?

That would be Denmark, according to some surveys. Denmark has also been considered the second most peaceful place in the world, behind Iceland. But as they say in Denmark, "Who the hell wants to live in fucking Iceland?"

Pretty pastoral and peaceful place.

And wouldn't you be peaceful and happy if you got the whole summer off? Here in the States, we've always heard rumors of those liberal European and Scandinavian countries where the people go "on holiday" for months on end, then return to their cushy jobs where they work six-hour days, three of which are spent at lunch where they drink many adult beverages. They retire at the age of 50 and enjoy free meals at all restaurants and free rail and air travel just by flashing their "retired" cards. Health care is free and everyone lives to be 100 just by eating yogurt and fish. No one is poor and the bus drivers sing jolly songs as they cheerily drop you right at your front door.

OK, maybe some of that isn't true, but a visit to the Advance blog (an agency in København - that's Copenhagen for us ugly Americans) has a post titled Closing Down for the Summer. Another post on the blog reveals some very peaceful and happy people on a seaside film shoot. Advance has one of the few agency blogs that doesn't try too hard and yet isn't ashamed of being an agency blog. More on that in another post - this is about Denmark, Land of the Free and Home of the Whole Damned Summer Off.

Here is an inside peek at Advance, where they have perfected the Cool Agency Interior Design Style of placing things at unconventional angles, opaque divider walls, weird chairs that few people sit in, natural wood floors, exposed ductwork, track lighting, a "library" and people who look blurry walking past windows letting in sunlight.

A Creative could get Creative in a space like this

I may have found a Heaven on Earth to replace my other dream ex-pat destination, Australia.

Toddler Daughter Threatens Mom's Self-Esteem

Poor woman doesn't even have her own name. No wonder she's insecure. And she's married to the former Prime Minister of Australia. Mom here is so jealous of her little girl that she is now stealing her soap.



Via - because sometimes, blogging is too much work and I need to phone one in.

Where Women Glow and Men Plunder

Tired of the petty politics, celebrity obsession, rampant crime and general malaise of your home country? Australia may be just the place you've been dreaming of. Sure, we have our own idiots to deal with, but all in all, we're not bad.

Wide open spaces, cool cities, nice weather and decent people. Yes, you’ll have to get used to a few differences, like summer being winter and vice versa. We also drive on the left side of the road, but it's not that big of a deal after you've done it for a day. As for the sinks draining in the opposite direction, that's a myth. Crocodile Dundee is a stereotype, so don't expect to see guys like that. Also, Outback Steakhouse is not a fair representation of our country.

You're welcome to visit, of course, but we’re looking for skilled, hard-working types who want to make a new life in a country that hasn't yet been completely screwed up by American culture. Visit the Australian Department of Immigration to find out more.

For a few years now, I've been romanticizing life Down Under. I've read some books and regularly visit some Aussie sites. It gets nicer looking every day. Personally, I've got the city of Adelaide in mind. This kind of wanderlust is common in a global economy. My next door neighbors are from England. (He helps build missiles for Lockheed/Martin.) One of the proofreaders here at work is a native Londoner. Sometimes, the grass just looks greener.

For a good primer on Australia for the American, check out Bill Bryson's book In a Sunburned Country.