If You Buy This Book, You Are, How Shall We Say, "Not So Smart"

What a waste of effort on the "authors" parts. What a waste of money if you buy it.

Everything you need to know about blogging I already wrote here.

What Happens in Vegas Will Be Pointless

The promoters of this and the believers in it will say, "Mark Cuban is the keynote speaker! Mark Cuban will be there so you know it's legit! Mark Cuban is a zillionaire and he owns the Dallas Mavericks and he's a maverick and he's the keynote speaker."

I don't give a rat's ass who's there. Let me save you the trip to Vegas for this Festival of Nonsense.

Blog. Do it daily. Link to other blogs. Make comments on other blogs that link back to your blog. Ask other bloggers for link exchanges. Write interesting posts that have a unique voice. Don't just be a link farm to a bunch of bullshit that you didn't have anything to do with. Be original. Use technorati or any of the other tag services you prefer. Create interesting titles for your posts. Use pictures - they're fun. Use relevant labels. Don't be a corporate voice. Allow comments. Moderate them when they start to get offensive. (This is the "conversation" part you will hear so much about at your conference.) Try a podcast. Give up on it. Try a webcast. Give up on it. Give up on creating a viral video before you even try it. Viral happens naturally - you don't unleash it with a marketing plan. MySpace is NoPlace for your business and you will gain nothing from it other than people hating you. Same goes for Second Life and Livejournal. We'll see about Facebook. Tweet if you want, but the Twitter backlash is coming. For now, it's a good monitoring tool. Oh, one other thing: Customer Service is not a phrase to be tossed about in your Mission Statement. It's a practice. When you suck at it, expect your business to suck.

You can call yourself a Social Media Guru, New Media Maverick or Thought Leader. You can even print it on your business cards. But I don't need to pay a bunch of money to hear you say in two days what I just said in one minute. It's common sense. It doesn't really need to be an industry.

Buy The Book - Attend The Seminar

Nevermind that the book was self-published and the seminar is on YouTube. He will be called "Ken Fox - Strategist" in case he becomes a recurring comic.
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How About a Piping Hot Plate of Depression?

Click image to read copy.


Or as the original poster titled it: "Clean the House and Eat from a Can."

The ironing's done and you're hungry and alone. Treat yourself to some "tasty, nourishing spaghetti, in a savoury, cheese-flavoured tomato sauce."

Heinz will be your friend, you poor, lonely, miserable 1950s English homemaker.

Toddler Daughter Threatens Mom's Self-Esteem

Poor woman doesn't even have her own name. No wonder she's insecure. And she's married to the former Prime Minister of Australia. Mom here is so jealous of her little girl that she is now stealing her soap.



Via - because sometimes, blogging is too much work and I need to phone one in.

I'm Lovin it

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1970s Flashback-Flashback-Flashback

1972. Average Joe is now allowed to grow his hair just like the hippies did in the 60s. But he isn't a dirty, nasty unkempt hippie. He cares for his hair. And his giant porn moustache.

Swinging Bob here knows what you want. You want to lick Macho's six luscious flavors from his body. You also want the various STDs he's carrying. Send cash, check or money order. To Los Angeles, of course.

Macho flavors include fruit ambrosia.

Copy Conflicts with Image. Please Redo.

Red Scare for Black Friday

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What a Lovely Cigarette Hat

"You're so Smart to Smoke."

Nothing much I can add here.





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Via

Forget Going Green: Disposable Cups for Marital Bliss

When the blogging gets tough amid too much work - the smart blogger turns to other sources for material.

In the olden days, men got dressed for bed in striped pajamas and climbed into their beds, which were situated just off the kitchen. Then they let out loud, frustrated sighs for their wives to hear as they waited for the women to finish their chores so they could come to bed and service them, like women are supposed to do at night. The men did the crossword puzzle and waited some more. It was sometimes a long wait, as the wives often had a banquet's worth of glasses piled on the counter, left there by her rotten, ungrateful children, and the men, who had already been at work all day driving a bus or butchering pigs in order to bring home the bacon, were not about to climb out of bed and help their wives with "women's work."

Dixie recognized this national dilemna and invented the paper cup. Tagline: "A Dixie Kitchen Dispenser Will Get You Together Again."

Click to read the amazingly misogynistic copy, you glass-washing women.

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Face It: There are Too Many Social Options

Got this auto IM this morning from Facebook. I was apparently invited to join by a colleague.

I'm on MySpace in two places. I'm on LinkedIn. I've got Skype. I signed up for Twitter, but in order to put it on this blog I'd have to change my template, which would be a pain given all the mods I made to this template. I'm on AdGabber, a service of Ning. I've got 4 separate screennames on AIM. I get email on Google, Yahoo!, my local provider at home and two different work accounts. I also have dormant accounts at LiveJournal, GarageBand, PureVolume and a few more. I'm signed on to a few forums and stay updated on too many blogs. I just don't want to keep track of one more social media hotspot. I don't care what you're doing 24/7. Nor should you care what I'm doing.

Can we leave some places for the high school & college kids? Must we invade every place and turn it into another noisy midway of carnival barkers, driving the kids elsewhere again? Aren't you guys connected enough? I think some of you would die if you unplugged.

(And I will never play in Second Life. My first life is busy enough.)