Wednesday, July 02, 2008

What Happens in Vegas Will Be Pointless

BullshitThe promoters of this and the believers in it will say, "Mark Cuban is the keynote speaker! Mark Cuban will be there so you know it's legit! Mark Cuban is a zillionaire and he owns the Dallas Mavericks and he's a maverick and he's the keynote speaker."

I don't give a rat's ass who's there. Let me save you the trip to Vegas for this Festival of Nonsense.

Blog. Do it daily. Link to other blogs. Make comments on other blogs that link back to your blog. Ask other bloggers for link exchanges. Write interesting posts that have a unique voice. Don't just be a link farm to a bunch of bullshit that you didn't have anything to do with. Be original. Use technorati or any of the other tag services you prefer. Create interesting titles for your posts. Use pictures - they're fun. Use relevant labels. Don't be a corporate voice. Allow comments. Moderate them when they start to get offensive. (This is the "conversation" part you will hear so much about at your conference.) Try a podcast. Give up on it. Try a webcast. Give up on it. Give up on creating a viral video before you even try it. Viral happens naturally - you don't unleash it with a marketing plan. MySpace is NoPlace for your business and you will gain nothing from it other than people hating you. Same goes for Second Life and Livejournal. We'll see about Facebook. Tweet if you want, but the Twitter backlash is coming. For now, it's a good monitoring tool. Oh, one other thing: Customer Service is not a phrase to be tossed about in your Mission Statement. It's a practice. When you suck at it, expect your business to suck.

You can call yourself a Social Media Guru, New Media Maverick or Thought Leader. You can even print it on your business cards. But I don't need to pay a bunch of money to hear you say in two days what I just said in one minute. It's common sense. It doesn't really need to be an industry.bullshit x 2

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11 Comments:

  • Oh, way to go. There goes the speaker circuit and the market for new media marketing books.

    By Anonymous ouija repair, at July 2, 2008 at 8:47 PM  

  • well, you know cuban is only going for the hookers. and that, incidentally, is why your presentation will never match the blogworld expo, my friend.

    By Blogger HighJive, at July 2, 2008 at 11:36 PM  

  • We had Joseph Jaffe speak at a company event and he used your words, almost literally. For a couple thou and a night at the Zsa Zsa, All Exp. Pd.

    He DID have an exotic South African accent. Which a guy in my office enjoys replicating for us - and I dissolve into teary-eyed laughter every time.

    "Start a blog. Start a conversation."

    Bahahahaha.

    So atleast it's added a little positivity around the office.

    By Blogger James-H, at July 2, 2008 at 11:51 PM  

  • HJ:

    I KNEW someone would bring that up - and I might've known it'd be you. For a couple bucks in my g-string, I can talk some more about the Long Tail.

    You're right - doesn't match hookers in Vegas.

    James:

    I am going to work on my exotic accents and try to become one of these gurus - who are really nothing more than whores.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at July 3, 2008 at 6:32 AM  

  • I'd forward this to our Director of New Media, but I think he'd get offended. ;)

    But I think it's awesome.

    By Blogger Thinking In Vain, at July 3, 2008 at 8:51 AM  

  • Honestly, I think there's an emerging market for bullshit annihilators and deadeye contrarians. Maybe that could be a whoring USP on the speaking circuit. George Parker can be the lovable spokescrank of the new movement.

    By Anonymous ouija repair, at July 3, 2008 at 10:17 AM  

  • I love you.

    By Anonymous LaiTi, at July 3, 2008 at 10:29 PM  

  • BTW: just put together the "Maverick" pun. I'm slow like that.

    By Blogger James-H, at July 8, 2008 at 6:03 PM  

  • You are a jackass. Glad you didn't come 8). If you change your mind and decide to come next year, please think again and don't.

    Best,
    Rick
    CEO & Co-Founder
    BlogWorld & New Media Expo

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 23, 2008 at 1:15 PM  

  • Rick:

    The fact that I am a jackass does not take away from the fact that you are selling snake oil. And don't worry, I'm also glad I didn't go and won't ever.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at September 23, 2008 at 6:25 PM  

  • i keep coming back to this. cracks me up everytime

    By Anonymous stump blankenship, at November 21, 2008 at 1:03 PM  

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