Enough with the Porsche Spec Ads, Dave

Yeah, they ain't calling me, I know. I'm just entertaining myself. (Make it large by clicking.)

The other Porsche spec ad I made is here. They ignored that one, too. Luxury sports cars are a tough sell in this economy, I'm sure.

Zombie Generation

(Click for the larger.)

Hot Liquid Hope

For those of us old enough to remember when coffee was just coffee, before Starbucks and other gourmet outlets turned it into an expensive, sugar-laden delicacy, there were two undisputed leaders in the quick java jolt: Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's. They simply tasted the best. McDonald's coffee was always way too hot, but there was no confusing its fine taste with your average 7-11 cup. And Dunkin's was even better. (Recently I stopped at a turnpike rest stop and had the most unsatisfying cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee I've ever set my lips to. It had apparently been sitting on the burner for a week and seriously damaged my view of Dunkin'.)

I attempted to quit all my addictions at once on Monday. It was a bad day. I made it until this morning, when I made myself a small cup of coffee. The difference in outlook was amazing. I went from "Life sucks and I want to go back to bed," to "I'm going to sell Dunkin' Donuts a new tagline and find a job!" It's a powerful drug. And it's legal!

So, here ya go, Dunkin'. (And Dunkin's agency.) You may use this so long as you give me a job. Same goes for any other coffee purveyor who wants to steal this. And it won't be hard to prove it's mine.

Maybe you tie it into a campaign whereby you offer a free cup to anyone who can prove they're on the hunt for work? (Yeah, that'd be cool; all sorts of derelicts and riff-raf standing in line at Dunkin'.) That way you turn yourself into the friend of the average Joe (HA! Joe! Get it? Nevermind.) who has been affected in these trying times.

Super Saturated Street Views - "Moving Pictures" Edition

Some time back, I was cruising around the world on Google Street Views and came across a Porsche just south of Bellagio in Italy, meandering along the shores of Lago di Como behind the Google Street View Car. I thought, "That'd make a nice Porsche ad." Then recently, I was watching a Rush documentary and wondering, "How come no Rush music has ever been featured in a commercial?" UPDATE: MTLB thinks Rush music was used for a Nissan Pathfinder commercial some years back. Regardless, this will make that look like trash.

So, I'm combining the two interests - Rush and Street Views. Here's an ad made entirely from Google, including the pull-away at the end using Google Maps. I even took the tune from YouTube, where every song you ever wanted to hear resides for free, except the music of Prince, who has a crack legal team that will sue your ass in two shakes of a backup dancer's tail if you so much as THINK of one of his songs without asking.

And every Rush fan, be they old school headbangers or fans of "The Mullet Years" will agree, YYZ is the tune that unites every generation of Rush fan, and I've selected the best :30 of that tune. So here goes: I'm ready to be a one man crowd-source with this thing and take a couple hundred grand, 'cause I need a new roof. (And a Porsche, s'long as I'm at it.)

Here's the reasoning:

• Rush and Porsche are a natural fit: Power + Precision
• Some older Rush fans are wealthy now, even in this recession, and Rush fans are out of the closet. This tune will stop them in their tracks, guaranteed.
• Porsche HAS to be hurting in this economy.
• It rocks.
• It was easy and cheap. Took me a few hours. Keep in mind, this is spec. We'll make it HD and pretty in a nice studio somewhere. (It's the IDEA that counts, bitches.)
• It's an opening for Google to license their Street Views for commercial usage, seeing as they're out to rule the online revenue world.

Well, I guess I've opened up an opportunity for at least three entities to order me to cease and desist, and to them I say, "Live a little and lighten up." (And feel free to hire me. And of course we can work on my lame tagline at the end. But it's easy, cheesy and obvious, in anticipation of the client's desires.)

Canada's #1 Export

Now that it's safe for Rush fans to come out of the closet, what with the appearance of the band on The Colbert Report, their featured role in the comedy I Love You, Man, and their recent documentary, Beyond The Lighted Stage taking an Audience Award at the Tribeca Film Festival, I'm going to go ahead and risk alienating some readers by letting you know that I, for many years, have kept somewhat hidden my love for Rush.

There. I'm out! I feel so free!

They are awesome, "The Synthesizer Years" notwithstanding. How awesome? Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of South Park, created the opening video to their last tour. Sure, all their stuff doesn't work for me, and I have accused them of being (as they note in the film) "pretentious," but for three guys to make this much incredible music is just stunning. I get that they're a musician's band, and they're not for everyone. Those who appreciate them tend to do so to a psychotic degree while those who hate them do so with equal fervency, but they've been with me for a long time. When I fell asleep and rolled my Toyota Celica on I-5 in San Diego one early morning as a teenager, it was Rush playing from the cassette deck when I awoke upside down. (Seatbelts Save Lives, Kids!)

I understand that the band (as pointed out in I Love You, Man, as well as in the recent documentary) are not exactly a favorite among the ladies, unless those ladies are 11-years-old and pure musical geniuses. I only today saw this, so if it's old to you, apologies. Here's an 11-year old girl playing the highly complex Rush composition YYZ - by herself - on keyboards.



For the uninitiated, YYZ has worldwide appeal, as evidenced by this inspirational footage of a crowd of 60,000 Brazilians actually SINGING to an INSTRUMENTAL.

(For the non-Canadian and non-Rush fan, YYZ is the airport code for Toronto.)

Why no one has ever licensed any Rush tunes for commercial use is a mystery to me. Perhaps the heady lyrics and "pretentiousness" have hindered advertisers. I'm working on a little spec spot that I hope might change that.

Cue Angelic Choir

Northrup Grumman has released this image of their new airship they call a Long Endurance Multi-Intelligence Vehicle, being built for the U.S. Army. It's a football field in size and will be built and deployed within 18 months. Northrup has a contract to build "up to 3" of these for $517 million. It will fly at 20,000 feet and enable troops on the ground to pretty much see everything. A very wordy press release full of business speak/military jargon is here.

Given that they went with such a ridiculous artist's rendering, conveying glory, dominion, power and majesty, both now and forever, Amen, I've helped them turn this into an ad.(Click image for the huge.)

I Think They Called it an "Icebox"

I'm a big fan of the oddly juxtaposed, the weird and off the wall, which is why when coming across this image for a 1950 refrigerator in an old copy of LIFE magazine over at Google Books, I felt the need to stock the fridge with beer. I don't know, just something about a bunch of proper ladies playing bridge and getting excited about binge drinking pleases me. It was kind of sad to imagine the original intent of the ad, where these ladies were interrupting their bridge game to get all excited about a new refrigerator. I assume it was bridge anyway, because ladies of that era were not allowed to play anything else.

I tried and tried to come up with a caption for this, but other than some sort of reference to the ladies loving a good stallion, I came up empty. I'm sure there are creative minds out there that can deliver a good line for this. Then we sell it to Rolling Rock and start our own shop. Or not. Whatever.

Skype Spek

I've learned to love Skype, the telecommuter's dream, the satellite office's lifeline, the podcast producer's best friend. They need better ads. (Do they even place ads?)

Original 1964 ad from Bell Telephone System is here.

Previous Skype-related posts.

Another Marine Corps Recruiting Spec Ad

Duty, Honor, Country, Pride. These are certainly noble and good reasons to sign up, but I'm of the opinion that the Armed Services could switch it up a little, maybe incorporate some taunting in their recruiting efforts. I think what inspired this spec ad was seeing yet another weasely weasel-boy wearing some shirt proclaiming his allegiance to one side or the other in the rehashed, retreaded and retarded pirate/ninja debate. (Click for large)

Previously in "The Marines Need a New Angle."
Hey, Fatbody! Lose Some Weight.

Sells Itself

There's something about this bike that makes me want to buy this bike.

And sometimes, even a logo in the lower right corner is too much.

Spec ad for Triumph.

Click for Bigness

Adidas Spec Ad

I bought them because they were on the clearance rack and they were affordable. They're running shoes, but I use them for cycling. They work. I like 'em.

We aren't all super-athletes. Some of us just need some freakin' shoes. Based on a true story, as I'm a fan of true testimonials. Photographed in my front yard this evening as the salmon was waiting to be turned on the grill in the backyard.

Click for viewage

And I don't claim to be an AD or a designer, so don't jump my shit about the layout. It's a concept. (UPDATE: For the sake of the challenge, I went ahead and tried to lay it out better. Go ahead, designers, tell me where I screwed up.)