Mobile Computing

I'm pretty psyched about this new rig. A stand-up desk I can move anywhere in the house and enjoy the same freedom that laptop users have known for years. "Why not just get a laptop?" Well, I have one, but it's more for the road. I prefer a "station," as I've said recently. "Won't you get tired of standing all day?" It could happen, I'm sure, but I just tested the wireless keyboard and mouse for range and I can pull this thing up to any couch or chair and operate those peripherals from a sitting position if the need arises. The stand-up desk movement is catching on. So far, I think I prefer it.

My New Telecommuting Basics

Now that I'm out of CubeWorld^TM and embarking again on my favorite way to work, from home, I'm going to implement some new practices that I hope will make me better at this.

DON'T BE THIS GUY

Exercise before work.
I may check emails, but I'm not going to "start working" until I've taken care of me first. There is a tendency when working from home to simply always be working. You can't do that. I will get coffee, walk, bike or swim, grab breakfast and all the other normal things a person does before "going to work."

Shower and get dressed.
This sounds easy, right? But it's easy to neglect a proper wardrobe when working from home. The people in the office joke, "Dave's working in his pajamas," and they're sort of correct. It's also easy to forget to shower. I used to just put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and hit the computer with my morning coffee and let the work start slamming me. I'd shower whenever the day allowed. Now I plan on putting on normal, casual work clothes, perhaps even some shoes. After I shower.

Stay in their face.
"Out of sight, out of mind" is all too often how the home office thinks of the person far away. Email and the phone isn't enough. With my new iPhone 4, I'll be Facetiming with my colleagues and Skyping them as soon as I've moved my computer to a better location, one without my bed as the background image.

Get the computer out of the bedroom.
Since I'm an old-school desktop computer guy, never comfortable only using a laptop, I need a desk of sorts. If your bedroom is where you work, then your work is sitting there, reminding you of it when you're supposed to be in bed, relaxing. Likewise, if your bed is there while you work, it will start begging you to take a nap or stretch out and read a book. It's just not that healthy. Make an office. "But I don't have enough room in my place!" Quit your whining and figure something out.

Take a lunch.
Don't just make a lunch and bring it to your desk. Your colleagues are taking an hour, an hour and a half, going off to Chipoltle or that new sushi place. You are allowed an hour. Step away. Recharge. Stretch your neck. Take a swim.

Be comfortable.
Speaking of stretching your neck, mine was starting to hurt after a few months in the Cubes (plus that two-hour round-trip commute) and I finally got on the stand-up desk bandwagon. I mean, really, how healthy is it for us to sit in our cars, or on the subway or train for an hour, and then go sit for eight hours at a desk? I'm pretty sure this is not the best thing for the human form. So I bought one. I'll put it together this weekend. And since it has wheels, I plan on having it outdoors on occasion, once the stifling, summer Hellscape has cooled.

Set a stopping point.
I love how these agencies talk about their long hours, fueled by pizza and foosball (Oh! SIGN ME UP!) and how they sometimes work weekends! You guys go on and do that. I'll be knocking off when the day is done, which is to say about 5:30 in the home office's time zone. Sure, there will be projects that require extra hours and some weekends, but the shop that makes that a habit is a shabbily run shop that will burn its people out.

That's all I can think of right now. I think we're good. I will be doing well if I have the discipline to execute this strategy. If anyone else out there has ideas, toss them into the comments section.

Take My Card

I've posted this before, but I'm putting it out there again for those who may not have taken one the last time I passed them out. You don't need my address, my office phone number, my mobile phone number, my Linked-In profile, my resume, a cover letter, a fax number, my title or any of the other antiquated bits of information people are still putting on their business cards. Twitter about does it anymore. What's that? You want to see a portfolio? My blog or my Twitter stream are now my portfolio. There are over 1800 entries on this blog, some of them not bad. I am available for work anywhere on earth. And I recently got a passport if you still feel the need to do that whole "meet in person" thing. It's pretty and blue and sits safely in a strongbox, the combination of which I will struggle to remember should the time come.

Some services have not been listed. Offer subject to change without notice. Respondents must be at least 18 years of age as of 8/11/10. Not valid with any other offer. Void where prohibited by law.

Skype Spek

I've learned to love Skype, the telecommuter's dream, the satellite office's lifeline, the podcast producer's best friend. They need better ads. (Do they even place ads?)

Original 1964 ad from Bell Telephone System is here.

Previous Skype-related posts.

Until We Meet Again

The traditional meeting business has long suffered due to sites like GoToMeeting. Or due to improvements in tools like Skype. Or tools like the telephone. Still, there are the old-school types who prefer to do business the old-fashioned way: at a hotel - in a conference room - with pitchers of ice water and carafes of bad coffee - with stale danish and cloth napkins - with a projector so you can watch a Powerpoint presentation. Don't forget the always clean rest rooms and the helpful staff. Make sure to wear your best meeting clothes. And book a flight. And get a room. And don't party too much the night before the meeting. While in the meeting, take plenty of notes on a pad of paper, because the printed handout of the Powerpoint presentation is not enough to show you are pretending to be interested. If you raise your hand to ask a question, you just might hear, "Let's discuss this more offline," because meeting in person is somehow "online." But "face time," the proponents of traditional meetings argue, "is important." I agree. That's why Skype has video.

Hyatt, borrowing a concept from Demotivators, placed this ad in today's New York Times, hoping you will hold your next meeting with them. Their tagline is "Great Happens," with the subtag "When People Get Together." It's one of those over-the-top pledges that means nothing and promises everything. It's all explained in vague detail at Hyatt Meetings, with nice pictures of the helpful staff setting the conference room table with pitchers of ice water and cloth napkins.

Cute execution. Nice skewer of the traditional corporate poster, except that it's in promotion of a traditional corporate practice. 

Previously in Motivating The Troops with Buzzwords:
There is no "U" in "Team."

A Paradise of Plenty Where Nobody Lacks

All flying around with our own jetpacks.

OK, maybe not.

For The Big

Lame

Whoever produced this commercial for Mass Mutual must've seen the GE commercial and decided, "That song is nice. Let's use that song in our commercial." The problem is it doesn't work in this commercial.



Compare that with the much better commercial below, which I wrote about here.



Obviously GE had a much bigger budget to produce a much nicer spot, but the song is the finishing touch that turns this commercial into a nice little film. While I like the concept behind the Mass Mutual spot, telecommuting from home in order to spend more time with your family, the song is an afterthought.

Steady as She Goes

What was to have been a fairly short gig is now going on its 7th month as I continue to freelance in the giant corporation’s creative resources department. It’s not as awful as when I first arrived, but it took me forever to get used to the idea of wearing real clothes, like shoes, socks, belts, long pants and the other necessary business-casual attire. Also, not having the ability to hop on my bike and pedal a few miles in search of inspiration was a tough one to get used to. I also miss showering at noon, not spending money on gas, the occasional swim and the view from the home-office window, which included grass and trees and other real-life things. Attending meetings by mobile from wherever I happened to be was another luxury I never fully appreciated.

And while that world was cool, it's a memory for now, not to return until some other projects in the works line themselves up. CubeWorld™ is better these days. Can't bitch. Shouldn't bitch. Trying not to bitch. I’ve been fortunate enough to work on some actual creative projects lately, so the copying and pasting gets a break once in a while. It helps that my fellow crewmembers are all decent people—and we're all in this boat together. (Inspirational poster, anyone?) But don't worry, if some inane and mockable Office Space moment happens (and they do frequently) I'll be mocking it here.

And since I’m a near lifer, I finally brought in some “art” to make my drab cube more tolerable. Here’s one of my favorite “sculptures.” It’s a cardboard Shatner head to which I have affixed a pair of real aviator sunglasses. The Shat hangs on the cube wall behind me, taunting me to, "Adjust your attitude, Mister."

¿Quién es Más Macho?

A Holiday Lesson on Viral

Before video links passed between friends and coworkers were known as "viral," and before people started trying to "monetize" those videos, we just passed stuff around (if we had the bandwidth) and watched them and laughed. (Agency Spy makes a great point: No one "creates viral videos." They either go viral or they don't. Most of the ones attempting to "be viral" simply disappear. I think I hear the sweet sound of a bursting bubble.)

Here's something that's seven years old, but still has that WTF quality that makes it worth seeing again. From London based Mother, where I want to work. (From Florida, of course, telecommuting. I will be happy to make monthly trips to London for meetings and pints.)



Anytime you put a 70s macho guy in polyester and play cheesy music behind him, then have him do something unexpected, it's comedy to me.

And why is this video still viral (resurrected every Christmas by various ad bloggers) seven years after it was produced?

1. It never tried to be viral.
2. It's not selling anything other than the agency behind it.
3. It's original.
4. It's funny.
   
5. It wasn't created by a "new media agency" who tried to flood the world with it.
6. An old lady gets kicked in the head by a guy who fell out of the fireplace and wears his jacket like a cape. Find a client who will let you do that.

See more of Chris Christmas Rodriquez here.

Somebody Better Establish a Perimeter

It's just a matter of time, I'm sure, before the agents surround my cube and bust me for finding a way to blog from deep within the bowels of Corporate America.


Copy that. A blogger in Sector 4, Building 2, 1st floor, West, Cube 14. Using Google's blogspot. Found a workaround the block.

Roger. Treat as hostile. No mercy.

Notes from the Cell

As noted earlier, I've been sentenced to solitary confinement. A woman appeared in my cubicle yesterday. She was armed with forms. One of them was three pages in length, the other a mere two. She informed me the purpose of these forms was so that I could get an email account. I've been in this cell since September 17th and they are now getting around to allowing me access to the other prisoners via email. I'm sure the forms said stuff like "no porn, no gambling, no blogging, no looking at blogs, no MySpace, etc." I didn't read them. I just signed them like a good prisoner. I already know I can't access webmail, see blogs or post to my own. (I found a way to cheat their system: if you type http://copyranter.blogspot.com you get blocked, if you add www at the front you can bypass the block. Still, no pictures and no commenting.) I was told my email account might be ready by "this time next week."

Sitting next to my coffee cup in this photo is my secret access badge that lets me in the building and in and out of doors within the cubicle farm. I am not working for a defense contractor or the government. The only reason a company has these is to keep disgruntled ex-employees from coming in the buildings and going postal.

You will note that the company "proudly brews Starbucks." I hate Starbucks.

I've noticed that the cubicles of many of the lifers are adorned with in-house awards and trophies for leadership and good behavior. I saw one man outside in the yard where we are allowed to walk for exercise, and he was wearing JEANS ON A TUESDAY! He also sported a button on his t-shirt that said "Ask me why I'm casual." I did not ask him. I'm sure he won some sort of ass-kissing contest or made his latest merit badge in less time than the company guidelines suggested it should take. For this he is permitted to dress casual for a time. But he must also wear a stupid company button advertising that he is dressing casual.

I'm writing. It's a job. I'll quit bitching now and put another mark on my cell wall, counting the days.

The Golden Children

As a proponent of telecommuting, I have loads of sympathy (especially these days) for cubicle dwellers. If your agency or department is so flush with cash that you can afford to make your office environment as crazily comfortable as possible, I guess that's nobody's business but yours. Some of you, however, are taking it a little too far.

Another in the comic series "Where's My Jetpack?"








Here's the growing series.

Wastin' All My Time Time

I've been "out of pocket" as they say, working a contractor writing job for a large company here in Orlando. It has been like solitary confinement, as they block me from webmail, my blog, your blogs and the outside world in general. This place is so paranoid, I am not even allowed access to any of the brand blogs within the organization. (They own about nine brands.)

This morning I sat in a meeting for an hour and half where the main topics of discussion (besides ongoing creative jobs) seemed to be "getting our arms around" this and "going forward" with that. And of course there was all kinds of finger-pointing between creative, traffic and AEs on why this job or that job is stalled. One high ranking woman held the floor for 15 solid minutes and said absolutely nothing.

And they make me wear shoes and socks. Telecommuting for three years has really spoiled me. I'm ready to go back to it, if you need some work done.

The Revolution Hasn't Happened Yet

AT&T, Sprint, Verizon: they all talk about "Now headquarters is wherever YOU are." They show the busy business people on the bus, at the golf course, in the airport, at the restaurant - all around the world, spreading the word - getting business done by laptop, mobile device and brain implant transponder.

But still - telecommuting is slow to take off. Why? Lots of reasons, but the biggest I suspect, is trust. Or rather, distrust. If your colleagues can't see you, they assume you're goofing off. Well, at least the dishonest ones assume that - because that's what they'd do if they worked from home.

I worked well from home when it was an option. Not so well on a mobile device or from the golf course (never touched a club in my life) but as long as I've got my high-speed connection here at the casa or on my laptop, what's it matter where I am? I can shoot an email to you just as fast from here as if I were down the hall in a cubicle. Sure, we can't have a face-to-face brainstorming session, but you drink your coffee, I'll load up here, then we can get on the phone and toss some ideas back and forth. If we really got smart and invested a couple hundred bucks, we could set up cameras, then you could watch me and make sure I'm working, or we could have that face-to-face brainstorming session via cable. We can put on the headsets and talk over Skype. Without a commute, my workday started at 7 AM. I can put in more hours at home than I can in an office. And I'll be honest; in those hours I might climb on my bike and take a couple mile journey just to get out and clear my head. But how is that any different than taking my lunch break to work out in the company gym? Did I meet my deadlines? Was the client happy? So, what's your problem?

The cubicle was meant for animals. It’s a kennel. The cubicle was meant for robots and slaves.

Who is the evil genius responsible for this design and who are the salesmen who sold it? Who are the corporate heads that bought into it and why are they still in power? When we find these people, we need to send them off to some sort of camp, along with the purveyors of florescent lights, the builders of time clocks and sellers of the software that does the job of a time clock. Let's also get the people who invented the magnetic company badge that opens the door to your highly classified workplace. We'll put them all out in the middle of nowhere where they won’t disable the creativity of the American worker anymore. Put them in cubicles with fluorescent lighting and make them clock out when they want a drink or a smoke or they need to take a leak. Treat them like animals, cattle, robots. Give them “benefits” that they can’t walk away from. Health, dental, 401K.

Employers can’t trust their cattle to work from home.The employer and manager require dictatorial control and micromanaging of tasks. They need to have meetings about meetings in preparation for the meeting, where they will present a Powerpoint deck about the upcoming meeting. They want dress codes and time clocks. A few have started what they think is a revolution: they've set up teepees and canoes in which they hold meetings. Or maybe they call them pow-wows. Quaint. Cute.

How to sell this notion of telecommuting to the powers that be? Here's something they can understand: drag into this conversation America's favorite worry-du-jour: Global warming. Let's make all these talkers and squawkers prove they really care. Employers could save millions on scaling down their office space, taking advantage of the technology that is available to them right now. We can give employers willing to take part in a telecommuting plan special government incentives, as they will also be contributing to a national traffic solution and "keeping our planet clean for the children of the future." (Choke back the tears, corporate spokeswoman.) Traffic is out of hand in most American cities, and most of it is due to throngs of office workers reporting for cattle call. Gas prices, carbon emissions, etc, etc.

Employers are always dreaming up new ways to make their employees happier. So they invest thousands in the company gym that no one uses, or they offer you Snapple, foosball, corporate daycare and ergonomic keyboards. Save the money. Let your people work from home. That would make many of them happy, and likely more productive. Here's a neat benefit: no more sick days. Unless someone's dying, they can get their ass out of bed and over to the computer to make sure the report they promised by 11:00 AM is where it needs to be.

Many jobs just can't be done remotely - retail, factory, education - but millions can. And while some people enjoy the social environment and interaction of an office, many of us don't. For those who don't, options are available now that would enable us to produce quality work, no matter where we are. Just ask AT&T, Sprint or Verizon.

But it's not going to be a reality anytime soon. You just can't be trusted to do your job out of sight of your corporate masters.