That's How You Sell Coffee

Back in the old days, Hills Bros Coffee used this sleepy old Ethiopian man in a nightgown to sell coffee. He's shuffling through the kitchen, guzzling his coffee with abandon, praying to his God that the waking powers of the ground beans will jolt his old ass up out of his stupor. It's not working.

Turns out, however, he's not just trying to wake up. He's a connoisseur. He's known as "The Taster."

A young artist named Briggs offers to create a company trademark. His design, the ‘taster’, inspired by the coffee’s Ethiopian origin, is welcomed by Austin and R.W. A life-size statue is still present at the Hills Bros. San Francisco building.

A white Ethiopian. OK. That's what you get in 1906, I guess. Not sure when Hills Bros. ditched Sleepy Grandpa, but he's left the scene in favor of font-only packaging.

But moving forward...

Now that the Keurig system has taken over the world, putting all other home brew systems virtually out of business (and completely shutting down the very fine Senseo brand, which made a better cup than Keurig as far as I was concerned) we have more than enough options as far as brand and flavor.  Yes, Hills Bros. is still in the game, along with perennial players Folger's and Maxwell House, but I'm sure they're all lagging far behind Keurig's own brand, Green Mountain, makers of Dark Magic, Donut Shop and probably whatever you have in your kitchen. Starbucks has a nice chunk of the market, no doubt, but I say make way for some old players in youthed-up packaging.

Enter these kids selling Cafe Bustelo, a very rich, old Spanish/Puerto Rican/Cuban blend (a long story - check their website for the history). It's pretty much an espresso roast available in K-cups. It packs a mean morning punch, as evidenced by their ultra-caffeinated feats of acrobatic daring, gravity-defying gyrations and crazy smiles. These kids are JACKED.

Various incarnations of these young Latin coffee addicts appear on the packaging of Cafe Bustelo K-cups. Look for them at your grocer's.

I was not paid for this endorsement. But I should've been.  

What Business Is It of Yours?

I'm a little surprised by what has become a routine outcry among my friends in the design community. It's like every time a company comes out with a redesigned logo, they have to do it gingerly, carefully, calculatedly and nearly scared, knowing that a huge storm of criticism is about to be unleashed. Starbucks' CEO has to release a minute and a half video explaining the evolution of its iconic "siren" logo? Of course it didn't change the fact that designers the world over are up in arms. And I don't doubt for a second that Starbucks knew it was coming and welcome it. "This buzz is going to be great for us," someone said in Seattle.

Did The Gap suffer slumping sales after the online backlash that compelled them to drop their logo change? Did the people making all the noise even shop at The Gap? Gap showed extreme spinelessness during that uproar. I hope Starbucks doesn't yield.

If I had a company, I would change the logo overnight, without fanfare and without pandering. Not so much as a press release. Just send the sign crews out and get it done on the storefronts and swap out the in-store stuff as the old stuff runs out. Without focus-grouping and without crowd-sourcing. Starbucks is Starbucks. Your average Starbucks consumer might someday look at the cup and go, "Hmmm - they changed the cup a little," and then never give it a second thought.

(Click for bigger)

But we live in Insta-World^TM, in this consumer-driven, conversation-intense environment where the slightest misstep, or perceived misstep, is amplified and bounced around the world in seconds, where everyone's an expert and a company is nearly paralyzed with fear to make any move. And if they get criticized, they must hurry to the defense and engage a team of brand reputation management specialists to reply to negative tweets or blog posts or Facebook updates. Hurry! Scrub the wires for any negative mention that might hurt us.

You know what, big brands? They're just a bunch of noisemakers trying to make noise. For every whining baby out there making a stink about your products or service, there are likely a thousand loyal and satisfied customers you will never hear from. You go ahead and do what you can to alleviate legitimate gripes and resolve obvious issues. That's just smart business and wise customer service. Businesses were doing that long before social media came into relevance.

Brand loyalty is a wonderful thing. I'm not a Starbucks guy, but I know plenty of people in love with the stuff. They're not going anywhere. But if they want to chime in and tell you what to have as your company icon? That's when you tell them they might be happier with a cup of coffee from 7-Eleven.

Hot Liquid Hope

For those of us old enough to remember when coffee was just coffee, before Starbucks and other gourmet outlets turned it into an expensive, sugar-laden delicacy, there were two undisputed leaders in the quick java jolt: Dunkin' Donuts and McDonald's. They simply tasted the best. McDonald's coffee was always way too hot, but there was no confusing its fine taste with your average 7-11 cup. And Dunkin's was even better. (Recently I stopped at a turnpike rest stop and had the most unsatisfying cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee I've ever set my lips to. It had apparently been sitting on the burner for a week and seriously damaged my view of Dunkin'.)

I attempted to quit all my addictions at once on Monday. It was a bad day. I made it until this morning, when I made myself a small cup of coffee. The difference in outlook was amazing. I went from "Life sucks and I want to go back to bed," to "I'm going to sell Dunkin' Donuts a new tagline and find a job!" It's a powerful drug. And it's legal!

So, here ya go, Dunkin'. (And Dunkin's agency.) You may use this so long as you give me a job. Same goes for any other coffee purveyor who wants to steal this. And it won't be hard to prove it's mine.

Maybe you tie it into a campaign whereby you offer a free cup to anyone who can prove they're on the hunt for work? (Yeah, that'd be cool; all sorts of derelicts and riff-raf standing in line at Dunkin'.) That way you turn yourself into the friend of the average Joe (HA! Joe! Get it? Nevermind.) who has been affected in these trying times.

I'm Not at All Surprised

I shouldn't celebrate economic downturns, but this is the best business news I've read in a while.

When you open a competing store right across the street from your last grand opening, what the hell did you think was going to happen? The country can only drink so many $5 cups of coffee.

Idiots.

This reminds me of the dotcom bubble burst. Unchecked and rapid growth, inflated prices and apparent market domination (of a devoted but relatively small class of cultists) followed by massive layoffs and shutdowns.

Dunkin' Donuts has been hot on their trail for a while and backlash was imminent. People don't like arrogant dynasties. (Just ask the New England Patriots.)

Looks like some of the black shirted fauxhawk crowd will have to drink normal coffee again.

Waaaaa.

The Podcast is Dead

Just don't tell Ken Fox, Strategist.

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Take it To The Next Level

Caffeine Nation

Starbucks has been getting pressure in recent years from the likes of Dunkin' Donuts, who mock the elitist coffee culture that is the Seattle-based chain, and even by McDonald's, who will now add the cream for you if you want, and offer their own sweet and fatty iced caffeine beverage. McD's takes an even more direct stab at Starbucks with their website promoting McCafes in Starbucks' home turf of Western Washington, Unsnobbycoffee. And I don't know how many noticed, but in the recent Will Ferrell comedy Blades of Glory, 7-11 had a coffee product placement in one scene.

So Starbucks is now trying to lure the regular coffee people over to one of their ubiquitous stores, those of us who don't speak Starbucks and still prefer to define cup sizes in terms of small, medium and large. They're doing it by offering, of all things, REGULAR COFFEE. (Example ad below.)

Ain't gonna work. As a regular coffee drinker, (maybe a dash of half and half, or if we're out of that, a splash of milk) when I'm not at home near my trusty Senseo coffeemaker and want a coffee, I will sooner drive through a McDonald's or pull into a 7-11 before I will darken the door of the Church of Starbucks. Starbucks devotees are cult-like, and a visit to a Starbucks by a regular coffee drinker is at the least an uncomfortable experience, usually leaving the regular coffee drinker feeling as though they've caved, fallen victim to the hype, and paid way too much for something that is worth about 50 cents.

The Church of Starbucks

I find Starbucks to be trendy and over-priced, and I just don't want to be a part of it. Sure, it's a great American success story, but enough already. My little suburb didn't need another one, but we just got another one about two blocks from an existing store. The few times I've ordered a cup of Starbucks coffee (in airports where it was the only option) I've asked for a small, black coffee. That tends to put a puzzled look on the faces of the Starbuckeroos, who pause and then ask, "Just a small, black coffee?"

Wieden & Kennedy put together a happy little campaign for the Coffee Monsters that invites us all to "pass the cheer" this holiday season. Here we have one of the four full-page ads taken out in today's New York Times Magazine promoting the notion of spreading good deeds via Starbucks. It works in conjunction with their oddly named website, It's Red Again. (A headier conversation about the new Starbucks stuff is going on over at Brand Autopsy.)


While not nearly as obnoxious as the effort by Sun Chips and their "Live Brightly" campaign last summer, I'm not going to let the coffee store that hypnotized a nation (and then the world) evangelize me into their cult of do-gooder coffee drones. You are selling coffee, Starbucks, not doing penance for driving all other coffee shops out of business. And anyway, if I do something nice, I'll do it anonymously. In secret. Far, far away from your website.

Besides, if some random dude in a mall hands you a cup of coffee, are you going to drink it?



















Anon haters will henceforth be deleted. I have nothing against W+K. Just this campaign.

Underground: The New Mainstream

Rented Idiocracy. I recommend it, if for nothing else than the movie's running commentary on marketing. Don't expect too much, as it is a satire about a dumbed-down nation, but the many (and brilliant) stabs at corporations were severe enough to cause this movie to have to go underground.

No studio backing for its release. No marketing push. Left to flounder in limited runs in 16 cities, in some cases being billed as "Untitled Comedy by Mike Judge." Then dumped on the DVD market with no publicity, hopefully to die a quiet death. That's what happens when you bite the hands of Starbucks, Costco, Carls' Jr., FedEx, American Express, Fox News and more. People wear disposable logo shirts in the year 2505 and anyone who reads is "a fag."

I hope this movie becomes a cult classic. If not here in the US, I'm pretty sure Brits, Europeans and Aussies will love it for the knife it twists in our easily mocked culture. Good rundown of the mutilated logos at Under Consideration.