I'm Late for Soccer Rehearsal

Genius in a :30 is hard to find, but FedEx is on a roll. This one  is titled "Exchange Student." Writing, casting, storyline - all perfect.



By BBDO New York.

I'm Yawning Some More

Love this spot for FedEx. "Kickin' off with sales figures!" says it well, all you PowerPoint Rangers, and the portrayal of TSA employees as knowledgeable haters of the standard, sleep-inducing presentation is a nice touch. The guy playing the supervisor role finally has something for his acting resume that eclipses whatever he was doing previously, which was probably "Thug #4."

The Dead Art of Letter Writing

Nevermind that the last useful thing you received in the mail was...what? I don't even know. Fed-Ex and UPS have the package delivery industry covered. Letters from grandma? Even grandma has an AOL account. Bills? Paperless, thank you. Banking online.

But news that the perpetually mismanaged USPS is closing 1,000 offices nationwide after posting another record loss (even after raising the price of postage) will not stem the tide of junk mail. The postman will always have a job. And so will you, direct mail artists and writers.

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Later, Sooners

People hate gloating winners, so be warned.

In their defense, the deck was stacked. From the location of the game (Florida) to the biased media clearly in the tank for Tim Tebow, (God's second-favorite Son) the Oklahoma Sooners were up against a wall. How do you rewrite a history written before the earth was formed?

As the game was ending and the coach being doused with Gatorade (invented at the University of Florida, by the way) I carried on a tradition instituted by my brother-in-law, currently serving in Iraq. If the Gators win, you must jump in the pool, regardless of weather conditions. It was cold, but if Urban Meyer has to endure a Gatorade bath, taking a cold midnight dip is the least I can do. And... I support the troops.

One of my guilty pleasures is visiting the hometown newspaper sites of teams the Gators beat up on. I like to read the rants of angry fans calling for the coach's resignation, or arm-chair speculating on how they would've handled that 4th and goal situation, if only they were a college football coach and not a fat loser fan of the beaten team who may or may not have discontinued beating his wife. And they always dump on Tebow, because they are bitter Satanists. But we still pray for them; that they may someday see the Light.

From The Oklahoman comes this picture of pre-game Sooners fans, still happy and hopeful as they stand before the bowl game's logo, blissfully ignorant of what Providence had already decreed before they were even born. They are also oblivious to the fact that even the game's logo was Gator orange and blue. It was Destiny.

I'd Rather Go Barefoot - In the Snow

Zappos, the overpriced online shoe retailer, is trying very desperately to make us all think of Zappos as a verb. It's not working.

A brand name becomes a verb on its own. When you force it on us, we reject it. And it has only happened naturally twice that I can think of: Xerox and Google. Maybe FedEx gets credit in this category to a degree. Yahoo! tried (and failed) when it asked us, "Do You Yahoo!?" Nevermind that the question ends with an exclamation point and a question mark, it's a stupid question. (Interesting note: the Zappos logo includes a footprint that doubles as an exclamation point. Wow. Original.)

So here comes Zappos with the most annoying, pandering to every demo out there campaign. I've seen the old lady ad, the executive high roller ad and others, all telling us how they "zappos." Here's the dumbest in the bunch. Idiot stoner college punk who looks blearily into the camera and asks "Why go to class?" I can hear the chortles between the bong hits. He's so cool with his not-very-long hair matted into pretend dreadlocks. (And as James H points out in the comments, he's filthy.) This is the kid who needs Alec Baldwin for a father, someone to "fly out there next week and straighten your ass out, you rude thoughtless pig." Nothing against stupid college stoner punks, but I prefer stupid college stoner punks who still go to class, rather than sit in the dorm room spending Mom and Dad's money shopping online for overpriced shoes. Can you say "Backfire," Zappos? That's a verb. I'd like to find ONE person who bought shoes at Zappos because of this ad. "Dude, I wonder if they have hemp Vans?"

• Free shipping both ways (Translation: we handle TONS of returns)
• Piece o' cake return policy (Translation: we handle tons of returns AND we are so hip because we said "piece O' cake")
• "Massive selection" huh? Straight out of your early 80's surf lexicon?

I think I've just decided never to shop at Zappos. I was in need of some Chuck Taylors, but now I'm going to the mall where I can actually try them on first.

Underground: The New Mainstream

Rented Idiocracy. I recommend it, if for nothing else than the movie's running commentary on marketing. Don't expect too much, as it is a satire about a dumbed-down nation, but the many (and brilliant) stabs at corporations were severe enough to cause this movie to have to go underground.

No studio backing for its release. No marketing push. Left to flounder in limited runs in 16 cities, in some cases being billed as "Untitled Comedy by Mike Judge." Then dumped on the DVD market with no publicity, hopefully to die a quiet death. That's what happens when you bite the hands of Starbucks, Costco, Carls' Jr., FedEx, American Express, Fox News and more. People wear disposable logo shirts in the year 2505 and anyone who reads is "a fag."

I hope this movie becomes a cult classic. If not here in the US, I'm pretty sure Brits, Europeans and Aussies will love it for the knife it twists in our easily mocked culture. Good rundown of the mutilated logos at Under Consideration.