Friday, January 09, 2009

Later, Sooners

People hate gloating winners, so be warned.

In their defense, the deck was stacked. From the location of the game (Florida) to the biased media clearly in the tank for Tim Tebow, (God's second-favorite Son) the Oklahoma Sooners were up against a wall. How do you rewrite a history written before the earth was formed?

As the game was ending and the coach being doused with Gatorade (invented at the University of Florida, by the way) I carried on a tradition instituted by my brother-in-law, currently serving in Iraq. If the Gators win, you must jump in the pool, regardless of weather conditions. It was cold, but if Urban Meyer has to endure a Gatorade bath, taking a cold midnight dip is the least I can do. And... I support the troops.

One of my guilty pleasures is visiting the hometown newspaper sites of teams the Gators beat up on. I like to read the rants of angry fans calling for the coach's resignation, or arm-chair speculating on how they would've handled that 4th and goal situation, if only they were a college football coach and not a fat loser fan of the beaten team who may or may not have discontinued beating his wife. And they always dump on Tebow, because they are bitter Satanists. But we still pray for them; that they may someday see the Light.

From The Oklahoman comes this picture of pre-game Sooners fans, still happy and hopeful as they stand before the bowl game's logo, blissfully ignorant of what Providence had already decreed before they were even born. They are also oblivious to the fact that even the game's logo was Gator orange and blue. It was Destiny.

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Thursday, January 08, 2009

Support Your Local [Fill in the Blank]

Florida has a total of 111 specialty license plates. You pay extra for them, but any of them beat the stupid standard plate, which prominently features the most retarded URL in all of state government, "MYFLORIDA.COM". As I've ranted before, anytime you have "MY" in front of your URL, it tells the world you were late to the game and failed to get a better URL.

The state just released its list of best selling license plates, and coming in first once again is the University of Florida plate, pictured here.

Not a fan? Not to worry, there are plenty more. You can save the whales, the manatees, the sea turtles, the panthers, the Everglades, the dolphins. You can support the Buccaneers, the Magic, the Heat, the Jaguars, the Rays and the Dolphins. You can be a friend of the police, the firefighters, the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. Here are a few of my favorites.

"Trees are cool."
What-fucking-ever.

NASCAR! Can I say it again? NASCAR!

"Imagine"— A tribute to John Lennon.
Sniff-sniff.
SHUT UP!

"Kids Deserve Justice"
Hey, kids. Quit swinging on the scales! You mock justice with your game!
You deserve to be spanked.

Have a look at the rest. Insane variety. Something for everyone.

Oh, I almost forgot. Go Gators!

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