Swagger

I think Old Spice guy would agree with me; the respectable kind of swagger is the kind that isn't announced on your license plate.

Swag on, Swagmaster.

220, 221 - Whatever It Takes

Seen on the road this morning, this guy's vanity plate says "Mr. Mom." And although his grammar needs a little work, he is also an unabashed patriot. (And that flag reminded me of the Schooner Tuna campaign.)

Support Your Local [Fill in the Blank]

Florida has a total of 111 specialty license plates. You pay extra for them, but any of them beat the stupid standard plate, which prominently features the most retarded URL in all of state government, "MYFLORIDA.COM". As I've ranted before, anytime you have "MY" in front of your URL, it tells the world you were late to the game and failed to get a better URL.

The state just released its list of best selling license plates, and coming in first once again is the University of Florida plate, pictured here.

Not a fan? Not to worry, there are plenty more. You can save the whales, the manatees, the sea turtles, the panthers, the Everglades, the dolphins. You can support the Buccaneers, the Magic, the Heat, the Jaguars, the Rays and the Dolphins. You can be a friend of the police, the firefighters, the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. Here are a few of my favorites.

"Trees are cool."
What-fucking-ever.

NASCAR! Can I say it again? NASCAR!

"Imagine"— A tribute to John Lennon.
Sniff-sniff.
SHUT UP!

"Kids Deserve Justice"

Hey, kids. Quit swinging on the scales! You mock justice with your game!
You deserve to be spanked.

Have a look at the rest. Insane variety. Something for everyone.

Oh, I almost forgot. Go Gators!

MY Stupid State - dotcom

You know how when you're searching for an available domain name and the registration service, be it Network Solutions or GoDaddy or wherever you prefer, comes back with, "That name is not available" and then they offer you a bunch of crappy alternatives, many of them beginning with "My"?

Well, that's what happened when the State of Florida didn't jump on "Florida.com" years ago and got stuck with "MYFlorida.com." Anytime you see a business with a domain name like bestrealestateservicesinc.com, you can bet that business was way late to the game.










Since 2003, all new license plates in the state have borne this stupid domain name on them. I just received one of these abominations in the mail yesterday, as the state attempts to phase out all the older, better standard plates, the ones that said "Florida" and didn't have giant cartoon oranges on them. They had one orange, yes, but it wasn't fluorescent. They're purposely forcing me by their deliberately inept design to choose one of the more expensive specialty plates, like this embarrassment, as if being the Golf Capital of the World was something to be proud of. Rock on, silhouetted retiree golf addict.











When these new standard plates started appearing on the road and I found out that eventually we'd all have to have one, I got real pissed and sent a letter to the head of these things in my state.

"Who is responsible for the hideous and inexcusable standard Florida license plate design? Do I have to have this piece of crap on my car? Of particular offense is the myFLORIDA.com name at the top. This is not progressive. It is ridiculous.

I can't tell you how bad this makes our state look. It is beyond stupid.

Thanks."

Carl A. Ford, Director of the Division of Motor Vehicles, wrote me back.

We regret you are not pleased with the design of Florida's license plate. The department initiated a new design for the standard Florida license plate in 2003. The Department of Agriculture in conjunction with the Florida Citrus Association recommended the new design that depicts two Florida oranges with leaves and orange blossoms. The additional MyFlorida.com on the license plate is to broaden awareness to a web site that has links to all state of Florida government services. The MyFlorida.com website provides citizens greater and more convenient access to state government.

He then went on to point me to the URL where I can find a bunch of expensive alternative plates, like Save the Sea Turtles and Share the Road with a Biker and Don't Beat Your Kids and John Lennon is Dead and a hundred other special interest plates.

I just thought it would be nice to have a simple standard plate free of promotion of a stupid domain name. Like this one.






Or this one.





And likely 47 other decent designs that don't include a "MY" domain name.

Arrrrrgh.