Swagger

I think Old Spice guy would agree with me; the respectable kind of swagger is the kind that isn't announced on your license plate.

Swag on, Swagmaster.

I'm On a Horse... Playing Jai Alai in the Himalayas

Click it, won't you?

Swan Dive! (Into the Best Night of Your Life)

Bill says, "I’m not sure if the formula where you plug different scenarios in is going to get old too fast." Well, it might, but not yet, as this brilliant production proves.

What I love about how Old Spice is treating the tired old "Guys get laid when they wear this" formula is that they're doing it completely and unashamedly tongue-in-cheek, without showing a guy involved in a random threesome, a la Axe Body Wash. Just a smug and super-confident lady's man who could easily be an SNL character.

Smell Like a Man - Or a Corona Swilling Pirate or Something

In keeping with their ad campaign that encourages men to "Smell like a man, man," Old Spice's packaging is along for the ride. An old friend sent along this image. Note the copy at the top.

Lather, Rinse, Get Laid

Bigmaker

Orgy Cologne

Click for better view.

And the gift from the gods was carried into the city walls on a large cart, pulled by three score men. Before it had reached its designated place, the men of the city had tapped its contents and were seen pouring it upon themselves liberally, splashing it upon their faces.

Perhaps it was the green glint of the bottle, many wondered afterward, that had caused the women of the city to discard their clothing, somehow spellbound by a strange trick of light.

But those who had witnessed and partaken of the orgies that ensued knew differently. It was the perfume of Bacchus which had worked upon the women so strangely, many of them joining together to ravage a single man.

And Bacchus smiled from on high, saying, "I shall send the men of earth more of the heavenly aromas, for I see that it makes them pleased. And I will call it by the names Axe, Tag, Lynx and Old Spice. And its effect shall be thus; that the women of earth shall ravage them."

And so it was.

Image via.

Fried For a Frisbee®

Here's a nice illustration of the lengths men will go to impress women. Dumb kid should've just sprayed on some Axe. Another accidental find over at YouTube. Some sort of crazy British Safety PSA from the old days.

Cut To The Chase

I've had it with all these male body spray / cologne ads that have for years suggested a little dab results in hot action. (See previous post.)

So I'm offering to sell a new line of body spray to any manufacturer willing to quit with the barely veiled innuendo and just tell it like it is. (Or rather, like they suggest it is.) Right up front, the name of the product will hold the promise that the wearer should ready himself for spontaneous stripping by hordes of beautiful women, who will beat one another for the honor of a moment of passion with him. We will, of course, as all the other colognes do, suggest that the women can stop bickering and simply share him, two or three at a time.

We'll worry about the actual fragrance later. Branding and Packaging always come first. With this name alone, we will make a serious impact on the body spray market.

The pirate image is guaranteed marketing gold. Chicks dig pirates, and boys buying this (or getting their moms to buy it for them) will fancy themselves dashing and dangerous rogues.

We'll make a killing.

I'm serious.

Man's Stinky Cheeks Invite Rape by Woman

And now, a Friday Flashback. (flashback, flashback, flashback)

The year - I don't know. The agency - no idea. The product - High Karate "Gamesman" cologne or aftershave or toilet water or something.

Axe, Lynx, Tag, Old Spice, all ya'll - take note.

This is just as suggestive as anything the body sprays are putting out today. One major difference: the man is in his 40s, whereas today's stuff is aimed at teen boys and younger.

I wonder if "Caress the King" and "Kiss the Bishop" were euphemisms for anything back then.

Throw Up a Little in Your Mouth

What makes William Shatner so great is that he knows he's making you cringe, which makes him pile the cheese on in sloppier, drippier globs. While no match for MTLB's Spock Bilbo Baggins find, I encourage you to waste the next minute and a half on the Canadian freakshow known as Bill.

As all you would be swordsmen get set for the weekend, hosing down your nether regions with Axe or Lynx or Old Spice or CKin2U, listen to Bill's wisdom. He's wearing puka shells, so you know you can trust him. The Shat is the Shit.

"Special" Pleasure (wink, wink)

There's a conversation going on over at Chimp Media Monitoring following the Chimp Messiah's discovery of a great TV ad for Lynx body spray.

George Parker wonders, "Wouldn't it be great if someone could actually come up with a cologne concept that wasn't... "Spray this on, get laid?""

That would be great, but it will never happen. That is the only angle ever used by men's fragrances. Witness this ad for Old Spice, circa 1958. Tame, but the insinuation is obvious: Tad and Muffy are going to be getting and giving some special pleasure as a result of smelling nice.

Chimp says, "The target market for Lynx is the adolescent who is only interested in navigating his pork boat into the first available port." Absolutely true. Those who are desperately (and unsuccessfully) looking to get laid are the targets for men's fragrances. It used to be frat boys and young professionals like the man pictured here. Now, the target goes much lower, to middle school boys who take way too long in the bathroom. They used to whisper to the guys, "Hey, fella, your girlfriend might let you get to 2nd base tonight." Now they tell them, "Dude, you're gonna be in a four-way with that chick, her roommate and her cousin. And if her Mom busts you, she's gonna want in on some of what you're packin'."

The only other change from the old cologne marketing is that men were once encouraged to splash a bit on their faces. A bottle of Old Spice could last months, years even. Not good for sales. So now they call them "body sprays." Translation: use it liberally and then buy another can.

Axe Wearers, You Boys Are Amateurs

Because you can never have enough Old Spice, here's a retro look at what made Swordsmen of Old splash on the sailor's aroma in generous amounts. Note the "diversity" attempt and the simple USP: Girls Like It. Also noteworthy, the woman pausing in front of the spouting fountains. Risqué!



Previously:
Suicide Thwarted by Old Spice
Old Spice Goes For Gay Market in 1971

Suicide Thwarted by Old Spice

This two-page spread fairly jumps off the inside cover of this week's Rolling Stone. This is a 1968 photograph of the actress Faye Dunaway. She is sprawled out on a chair with her hand on a drink, eyes closed, dying fern symbolizing the imminent death of this poor, troubled soul while the Fires of Hell lick at the toes of her prepared for burial bare feet. The line above the strategically cut-off logo reads: "If Your Grandfather Hadn't Worn it, You Wouldnt Exist."

Notifying an already depressed woman that her grandma was a cheap tramp, lured to the bed of a guy just because he wore Old Spice, may not be the best way to cheer her up.

Or maybe I missed the point and this is your grandmother, and she's about to conceive your Mom or your Dad, making you possible someday, and you owe it to the dude who smells like Pinesol mixed with rotting wood, who builds a helluva fire.

As Scamp said, "What would I do if the Old Spice brief landed on my desk? Burst into tears, probably."

Continuing on their "Experience is Everything" theme, the Wieden & Kennedy kids have delivered this perplexing gem for a tired old brand. All colognes and aftershaves have always gone with the "Wear it and get some girly action" angle. W&K takes it to a new level*: Thank Old Spice for your very existence.

Most of this new cologne/bodyspray advertising is aimed at boys who don't even shave yet. I can attest that it is working. Every morning as we ride our bikes, we have to hold our breath as we pass the young swordsmen-in-training waiting for the schoolbus, a toxic cloud of mixed fragrances saturating the air around them. Can W&K make a dent in the Axe and Tag shares of the coveted middle-school masturbating demo? My guess is yes.

*"Takes it to a new level" is not to be considered an endorsement of "pushing the envelope" or any other "Agent of Change" cliche.

Previously in Old Spice

Old Spice's New Edge Not So New

With all the hype surrounding Old Spice's attempts to hip themselves up and make a dent in the Axe Body Spray market, I thought it might be educational to show how "progressive and edgy" Old Spice was way back in 1971, "pushing the envelope" (that's your cue to vomit) and apparently going for the gay market. Having scraped the barrel on the "Manly yes, but I like it too" line that positioned the cologne as all colognes are positioned - as chick magnet - Old Spice experiments here in those freewheeling 70s. (OK - that line actually belonged to Irish Spring - but same difference. Colgate + Palmolive or Proctor + Gamble, it's all the same.)

The young guy stalks Captain Old Spice all around town, just to sniff his wake. The Captain finally says, "Take a bottle of my man musk home with you and fantasize in private, kid. You're freaking me out and worrying my lady. I keep it right here in my sailor jacket at all times. Catch. Now get lost!"




There is nothing new under the sun.

You know that history repeats itself.
What you just done so has somebody else.