Guinness Denounced the Ad, Embraces the Notoriety

I saw a Guinness ad during a football game and went looking for it on YouTube and on the Guinness site. Couldn't find it. Nicely shot close-up from an in-the-glass perspective of beer being poured, but with a lame and taunting tagline that said something to the effect of "Maybe it's not for you." You're right, Guinness. It's not for me. And your attempt to make me feel like I'm not worthy of your beer didn't work. You're not the Marines. You're a thick beer. If I want to feel as though I've ingested a loaf of dark bread I'll just toss some pumpernickel in a blender with a couple shots of whiskey and get the same effect. But in my searching for this ad I think I may have uncovered a little bit of "wink-wink, we're so naughty" on the part of Guinness.

You may remember a couple years ago when some director released what he called a "banned Guinness ad." It was a spec piece, hoping to catch the attention of the Irish brew maker. It was during those naïve days of the late summer of '08, when the words "banned commercial" on your upload were a sure ticket to viral success, back before people realized there was no such thing as a banned commercial. It caught plenty of attention, but mostly from angry people who objected to the objectification of women. In the ad, a woman is used as a human coaster, her body gently rocking back and forth. We see only her mid-section while three separate hands reach for the bottle, presumably take a swig, then return it to her undulating form, the bottle staying balanced in the small of her back. Clearly she's supposed to be in the throes of a four-way, though she appears lifeless and limp.* Guinness and its agency were very quick to denounce the ad, saying,

Guinness is in no way associated with this video, and approached YouTube to have it removed. We are proud of our brands, and our commitment to responsible marketing, and this is not how we want our brand portrayed.

Fine. Nice job. Appropriate PR move. Nevermind that the ad is back on YouTube, with 1.5 million views this time around.

Also, nevermind that for sale at the Guinness store for $25 is the CD, "Music From the TV Ads." The cover art, with its pronounced line of beauty S-shape, bears a striking resemblance to the shape prominently featured in the "banned" spot.

I'm sure Guinness will claim this is merely the top of the harp that serves as their logo.

* Which reminds me of a joke. Use your mouse to highlight the invisible text below.

What's the difference between spaghetti and a sorority girl?

Spaghetti moves when you eat it. 

What the Disinguished Rapists and Pillagers are Wearing

Back in 1949, a company called SWANK was marketing these roguish tie tacks called "Magic Blades." A man could choose from the Cutlass, the Sabre, the Dagger and the Scimitar models. "Men prefer SWANK" was the company's innovative slogan, but the underlying message, was, of course, "You're a fucking PIRATE and the chicks are gonna throw themselves at you and beg to be ravaged!"

If SWANK was making these things today, they wouldn't need to be so classy, nor would they need the stupid name Magic Blades. Just take a page from the Pirate Marketing handbook and tell it like it is.

Previously in You're a ROGUE! a RAKE! A swashbuckling MAN OF ACTION:

Orgy Cologne
Swordsman™, by Jetpacks
Seafaring Loser a Winner with the Ladies
Caress the King and Kiss the Bishop
Axe Body Spray Causes Contact Orgasms
TIME's Stupid Attempt to Be Pirate Funny Flops
Themed Disney Cruise: Chicks Dig Pirates

Put Your Ass in The Air Like You Just Don't Care

Reminiscent of the Casare Paciotti ad from a few years back, we have a passed out woman, martini glass on the floor, face down on a white leather couch in a short dress. She is but the next local model in a series of ads for Scan Design, a trendy Florida furniture store known for provocative, odd ads.

She is in love with her couch. Why is that so wrong? So she's a potential victim of date-rape by her lusty couch. Why is THAT so wrong? She is in love, and the couch knows it can have its way with her, because it respects her in the morning.

Scan Design excuse themselves in the copy of this ad, explaining that the idea came from a painter who was simply trying to win their competition, the theme of which was "Fall in Furniture Love." The painting is the template for this ad. It's an ad within an ad. So clever.  Rustin Robinson painted a woman passed out face down on her knees, bent over a couch with her ass in the air. And he won. (Click image for the big.)

Sex it Up with Fragoli

From the people who brought us the image of a naked woman biting a bottle of liquor, comes more in the Super Subtle Style of advertising.

In our first ad, five young ladies are enjoying each other's company in a very innocent, friendly way.

Five out of five brunettes of varying nationalities agree, Fragoli turns your ordinary party into a sapphic lust fest.

And then, apparently the new signature image of Fragoli is this one. Why, it's a nude woman in repose, with giant lips on her back, which I'm guessing invite the viewer to kiss her butt crack and spine. See how the gently parting lips become her butt crack? Isn't that clever?

Kiss my ass. Classy.

So dangerous, aren't they? Something tells me Fragoli might be holding onto a couple more images that they've classified as "Banned!" that they plan to leak later.

But you and I can sit back and mock this poor taste, perhaps favoring a more hinted scenario that would still reveal unmistakable sensuality, but this stuff is apparently working for Fragoli, who can afford two full-page ads in Sunday's New York Times Magazine.

Futureman Reveals The Secret to Success

Enhance the length and girth

Vicky is Your Daughter's Friend

Victoria's Secret is having a Back to School Sale.

Now, settle down, concerned parents. It's not anything to get alarmed over, you decent and good citizens of Babylon. Vicky's just trying to help young college women decorate their dorms with her signature PINK line.

Uh huh.

But really, let's stop beating around the bush and give Victoria's Secret an ad that gets right to the point of what they're really all about.

Does Not Compute

Why, it's a beautiful young model in a low top and tight jeans, sprawled on a wood floor, advertising...something.

Text Appeal - HA! Get it?

One of AT&T's current banner ads, modified to get down to what their stupid headline is implying.

As approved by the daring client:What the creative team passed amongst themselves:

Lather, Rinse, Get Laid

Bigmaker

Brazilian Bikini Wax For Sixty-Nine

Spirit Airlines, those innocent people who brought us the MILF promo a while back, are at it again in what they will claim has nothing to do with anything and everyone should just keep their dirty minds out of the gutter.

In this Flash animation on their homepage, a $469 fare (on a woman's stomach, no less) has the "4" waxed off to reveal a 69¢ fare.

Clever...I think...or not. I don't know. Just bizarre. And attention getting. See it here for as long as it lasts.

Long-Legged Lady in Glittery Gold Get-up Corrals Cow Couch

A Florida furniture store I have never been to nor shopped at is featuring this ad in print and outdoor this month. And on their website is this interesting image, not that they're trying to point you toward the woman's crotch or anything. Just a nice table.

Previously:
Furniture Ad Stimulates Lingerie Sales

Furniture Ad Stimulates Lingerie Sales

ScanDesign, a trendy furniture company with stores throughout Florida, does some passable advertising. But I'm a little perplexed by what appears to be a very unoriginal idea in this current campaign, seen here as it appears on their website, and catching my eye this morning in the form of an outdoor digital board on Interstate 4.

Hmmm. Lingerie-clad angels. Why does that seem familiar? And just in time for Valentine's Day.

Yes, I know "there is nothing new under the sun," and there are very few "original" ideas left in this world oversaturated with advertising, but come on - this one seems blatant.

Papa Was a Rolling Stone

He was a player. A smooth operator. He was Don Juan and James Bond in one man. He didn't have much sense when it came to furnishing his sex palace. He had other things on his mind. When the ladies came by, which was every night, he'd lube 'em up with Canadian Club. It was a wild time. Your Dad was the first among his buddies to be in a threesome. Then your Mom, one of his many throwaway conquests, got pregnant and your Dad "did the right thing" and married her. Then you were born. Then he REALLY started drinking.

Canadian Club is doing its first advertising in 20 years. They've gone for the Old Spice approach, only without the knowing wink and a nod. They're serious. Real Men, Cool Men, drink Canadian Club.

More details on the campaign at Wine & Spirits Daily.

Scanned from the November 1 issue of Rolling Stone, the last issue of my subscription, according to the giant wrapper on the magazine. This one is so filled with Springsteen sycophantic sucking-up that the only thing I will miss about the magazine are the ads.

That's Just Wrong

But it would sell...

No.14 in the series "Where's My Jetpack?"

The Bottom Line

It's no secret: sex sells. And this poor AD is simply trying to help the client achieve the goal of all advertising: sales.

Another cheap clipart comic, and we're calling it "Where's my Jetpack?"







See more here.

Boing! Blogstats Sporting Wood

In an interesting post about the Toblerone logo having within it a hidden bear (never knew that) someone over at BoingBoing text-linked to the old Land O' Lakes butter trick post here at Where's My Jetpack?. I was wondering why my inbox was showing new comments on that old thing.

That's a very powerful website. I normally hover just under 200 visits per day. BoingBoing brings me 7,500 with a text link.












And most amazingly, nowhere in the text link was the promise of seeing bare breasts. But that does not negate the truth of the blogging maxim; "Tag it with nasty labels and they will come." Like so:

Orgy Cologne

Click for better view.

And the gift from the gods was carried into the city walls on a large cart, pulled by three score men. Before it had reached its designated place, the men of the city had tapped its contents and were seen pouring it upon themselves liberally, splashing it upon their faces.

Perhaps it was the green glint of the bottle, many wondered afterward, that had caused the women of the city to discard their clothing, somehow spellbound by a strange trick of light.

But those who had witnessed and partaken of the orgies that ensued knew differently. It was the perfume of Bacchus which had worked upon the women so strangely, many of them joining together to ravage a single man.

And Bacchus smiled from on high, saying, "I shall send the men of earth more of the heavenly aromas, for I see that it makes them pleased. And I will call it by the names Axe, Tag, Lynx and Old Spice. And its effect shall be thus; that the women of earth shall ravage them."

And so it was.

Image via.

Man's Stinky Cheeks Invite Rape by Woman

And now, a Friday Flashback. (flashback, flashback, flashback)

The year - I don't know. The agency - no idea. The product - High Karate "Gamesman" cologne or aftershave or toilet water or something.

Axe, Lynx, Tag, Old Spice, all ya'll - take note.

This is just as suggestive as anything the body sprays are putting out today. One major difference: the man is in his 40s, whereas today's stuff is aimed at teen boys and younger.

I wonder if "Caress the King" and "Kiss the Bishop" were euphemisms for anything back then.

A Firmer, Longer Car Pleases the Ladies

There's no way she isn't talking her husband into this purchase. There's an extra four inches, and it has her moaning. I know people were a little more naive back then, but surely this wasn't lost on a whole bunch of people, including the creators of the ad.

Try this Guys!

She looks mesmerized, entranced, under his spell. This is wise (and likely highly successful) advice from Tipalet, the makers of some sort of cigarette/cigar.

Gentlemen, the next time you're at the club, please try this. Make sure you practice the expression worn by this Master Swordsman. You gaze deep into her eyes, get really close to her, take a long drag from your mysterious cigarillo, then exhale a long, slow breath right into her mouth and nostrils.

This works better than Tag or Axe, guaranteed.