Orgy Cologne

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And the gift from the gods was carried into the city walls on a large cart, pulled by three score men. Before it had reached its designated place, the men of the city had tapped its contents and were seen pouring it upon themselves liberally, splashing it upon their faces.

Perhaps it was the green glint of the bottle, many wondered afterward, that had caused the women of the city to discard their clothing, somehow spellbound by a strange trick of light.

But those who had witnessed and partaken of the orgies that ensued knew differently. It was the perfume of Bacchus which had worked upon the women so strangely, many of them joining together to ravage a single man.

And Bacchus smiled from on high, saying, "I shall send the men of earth more of the heavenly aromas, for I see that it makes them pleased. And I will call it by the names Axe, Tag, Lynx and Old Spice. And its effect shall be thus; that the women of earth shall ravage them."

And so it was.

Image via.

Fried For a Frisbee®

Here's a nice illustration of the lengths men will go to impress women. Dumb kid should've just sprayed on some Axe. Another accidental find over at YouTube. Some sort of crazy British Safety PSA from the old days.

Cut To The Chase

I've had it with all these male body spray / cologne ads that have for years suggested a little dab results in hot action. (See previous post.)

So I'm offering to sell a new line of body spray to any manufacturer willing to quit with the barely veiled innuendo and just tell it like it is. (Or rather, like they suggest it is.) Right up front, the name of the product will hold the promise that the wearer should ready himself for spontaneous stripping by hordes of beautiful women, who will beat one another for the honor of a moment of passion with him. We will, of course, as all the other colognes do, suggest that the women can stop bickering and simply share him, two or three at a time.

We'll worry about the actual fragrance later. Branding and Packaging always come first. With this name alone, we will make a serious impact on the body spray market.

The pirate image is guaranteed marketing gold. Chicks dig pirates, and boys buying this (or getting their moms to buy it for them) will fancy themselves dashing and dangerous rogues.

We'll make a killing.

I'm serious.

Man's Stinky Cheeks Invite Rape by Woman

And now, a Friday Flashback. (flashback, flashback, flashback)

The year - I don't know. The agency - no idea. The product - High Karate "Gamesman" cologne or aftershave or toilet water or something.

Axe, Lynx, Tag, Old Spice, all ya'll - take note.

This is just as suggestive as anything the body sprays are putting out today. One major difference: the man is in his 40s, whereas today's stuff is aimed at teen boys and younger.

I wonder if "Caress the King" and "Kiss the Bishop" were euphemisms for anything back then.

Throw Up a Little in Your Mouth

What makes William Shatner so great is that he knows he's making you cringe, which makes him pile the cheese on in sloppier, drippier globs. While no match for MTLB's Spock Bilbo Baggins find, I encourage you to waste the next minute and a half on the Canadian freakshow known as Bill.

As all you would be swordsmen get set for the weekend, hosing down your nether regions with Axe or Lynx or Old Spice or CKin2U, listen to Bill's wisdom. He's wearing puka shells, so you know you can trust him. The Shat is the Shit.