An Important Medical Announcement

Worship the Abs

We'll Stop When Someone Sues. Meantime, We SELL!

Pros! Shoot Like an Amateur!

Clicking allows maximization. Print on shitty paper for authenticity, then hang it on the bulletin board of the coffee-break area in your dying production studio.

Mel Gibson for Gibson Guitars

"One Trick of a Tiny Belly" Ads, as Written By Mel Gibson

I'm about sick of these ads, almost as pervasive these days as Dancing Gay Cowboys were a few years ago.

Now that he needs work and the public can't seem to get enough of his crazy behavior, I think Mr. Gibson should take to advertising.

What the Disinguished Rapists and Pillagers are Wearing

Back in 1949, a company called SWANK was marketing these roguish tie tacks called "Magic Blades." A man could choose from the Cutlass, the Sabre, the Dagger and the Scimitar models. "Men prefer SWANK" was the company's innovative slogan, but the underlying message, was, of course, "You're a fucking PIRATE and the chicks are gonna throw themselves at you and beg to be ravaged!"

If SWANK was making these things today, they wouldn't need to be so classy, nor would they need the stupid name Magic Blades. Just take a page from the Pirate Marketing handbook and tell it like it is.

Previously in You're a ROGUE! a RAKE! A swashbuckling MAN OF ACTION:

Orgy Cologne
Swordsman™, by Jetpacks
Seafaring Loser a Winner with the Ladies
Caress the King and Kiss the Bishop
Axe Body Spray Causes Contact Orgasms
TIME's Stupid Attempt to Be Pirate Funny Flops
Themed Disney Cruise: Chicks Dig Pirates

The Visionaires of Radio Shack

(A larger version of this electronic image can be enabled simply by clicking on the left button of the pointer device attached to your computer terminal)

Generic Ad Template

This can work for your financial advisory business, insurance outfit, or consultancy of any sort. It says what you want to say, which is what all of your competitors are already saying. (Click for big)

Crazier Ideas Have Been Tried

Dear Mars, Inc. This is clearly a parody ad. If anyone thinks it actually came from you, they'd be really, really stupid. On the other hand, if some poor loser smoker decides this is the way to quit smoking, then all the better for you, right? I guess what I'm trying to say is lighten up, laugh, and don't send me a cease and desist.

Don't Get All Bent Outta Shape

A new logo for Indy.

Stop the Abuse!

It's his right. When will the madness stop?

Bloat

University of Something or Other

SNL has always been, and will likely always be, about half funny, the other half not funny at all. It's a crap shoot on any given Saturday night. One thing SNL remains consistently good at is the fake commercial. Here is a not so subtle jab at the University of Phoenix and other such online schools. Even the logo for "Westfield" looks much like the University of Phoenix's.

I am Wolf-Boy, Hear me Howl

Retro ad time.

The old "Dude, be a man!" angle applied to the car that has always attracted men with insecurities. This one attempts to mock the dolts who drive sedans, station wagons and economy cars. Original copy, mostly. I've edited the third column.

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Previously in "I'm not a Corvette fan":

The Artificial Male Enhancer since 1953.

Vicky is Your Daughter's Friend

Victoria's Secret is having a Back to School Sale.

Now, settle down, concerned parents. It's not anything to get alarmed over, you decent and good citizens of Babylon. Vicky's just trying to help young college women decorate their dorms with her signature PINK line.

Uh huh.

But really, let's stop beating around the bush and give Victoria's Secret an ad that gets right to the point of what they're really all about.

There's Nothing Like a Testimonial

An image from the LA Times from last night, repurposed for BMW's benefit.

Fast Food Fighting Back

I'm thinking maybe this should run in a parenting magazine or perhaps one for expectant mothers.

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