What the Disinguished Rapists and Pillagers are Wearing

Back in 1949, a company called SWANK was marketing these roguish tie tacks called "Magic Blades." A man could choose from the Cutlass, the Sabre, the Dagger and the Scimitar models. "Men prefer SWANK" was the company's innovative slogan, but the underlying message, was, of course, "You're a fucking PIRATE and the chicks are gonna throw themselves at you and beg to be ravaged!"

If SWANK was making these things today, they wouldn't need to be so classy, nor would they need the stupid name Magic Blades. Just take a page from the Pirate Marketing handbook and tell it like it is.

Previously in You're a ROGUE! a RAKE! A swashbuckling MAN OF ACTION:

Orgy Cologne
Swordsman™, by Jetpacks
Seafaring Loser a Winner with the Ladies
Caress the King and Kiss the Bishop
Axe Body Spray Causes Contact Orgasms
TIME's Stupid Attempt to Be Pirate Funny Flops
Themed Disney Cruise: Chicks Dig Pirates