I Don't Work for Trek Bicycles

I refuse to allow car dealers to make me advertise for them on the back of my car with a nameplate or license plate frame, and last night, I'm looking at my bicycle in the garage and I see branding every few inches.

There's the giant Trek logo on the down tube, the model number on the top tube, some sort of bragging about special aluminum on the seat tube and then the Trek emblem on the head tube. Besides the emblem on the front, which popped off with little effort, the rest of the markings are decals which are fairly impossible to remove, buried under a few millimeters of ClearKote. But Trek is not alone in advertising on my bike. Bontrager decides they need no less than seven logos on the seat and seat post, five per hand grip and multiple placements on the tires. Shimano naturally will not be left out and brands the shifters and the front and back derailleurs in multiple places. The local Trek dealer also placed a couple of super-adhesive, nearly impossible to remove stickers on the frame. After looking at this a while it started to piss me off.

I love my bike and have blogged about it fondly in the past. It's a low-end hard-tail but it's durable and has served me well over the few years I've owned it. But damnit, I'm not Lance Armstrong and these manufacturers aren't sponsoring me. I'm not a paid shill for Trek or any of the components Trek uses in the manufacture of their bikes. So I went about blackening-out or painting over every single logo today.

One family member has already dubbed it "the junkyard bike." I prefer to think of it as some sort of post-apocalyptic Road Warrior.

Now I guess I need to remove the swoosh from the shirt I wear when I ride.

Don't Get All Bent Outta Shape

A new logo for Indy.

The Arrogance of His Heirness

Michael Jordan's son, Marcus, plays basketball for local school the University of Central Florida. That alone tells you Marcus did not inherit his father's skills, as UCF is a perennial "hopeful" in most sports. Nonetheless, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, and Marcus, demonstrating that he did inherit his dad's ego, decided he would not wear Adidas shoes, even though UCF was in the last year of a contract with Adidas. The young Jordan said he will wear only his father's Nike Air Jordan shoes because "they hold special meaning to my family." The university relented, still giddy to have the drawing power of a Jordan on the team.

Adidas was fine with Jordan's and the school's decision on a regional level, but corporate nixed the deal, canceling the UCF contract, costing the school $3 million. Good on you, Adidas.

"We are disappointed to learn that Adidas has chosen to discontinue its relationship with UCF Athletics," the school said in a statement released by spokesman Joe Hornstein. Yeah, Joel, I'll bet you are.

Now, here's an opportunity for Nike to jump in and take that contract, or here's a chance for Marcus to dip into his huge trust fund and pay the school back.

The Enemy of Kobe is My Friend

I am a bummed-out basketball fan this morning, not that I have any right, really. Like much of this city, I got on board the Magic Bus only long after they showed they were contenders. Fairweather fans are the worst, but we're also the norm. Maybe you like to sit in a half-empty stadium and paint your body stupid colors while mugging for the camera as you support your woeful Cleveland Browns. (And you were there through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. When the crowds start showing up when the winning gets easier, you resent them. You are a REAL fan. But remember, none of the players are from your town and they'll leave the second another city offers them more money, swearing allegiance and love to a new town as they shake the dust of your dirty city from their cleats..So maybe your team pride is a little one-sided. In fact, when you think about it, you worship a logo.)

Anyway...(I do that all the time. "All aboard the Dave Train. Next stop...Random Tangent.")...I think what makes losing to the Lakers so unpleasant is the hype and show that is a Lakers game. A Lakers game is an event. To be seen at a Lakers game is a big deal in Hell-A. "Oh, look! There's the world's worst actor, Jack Nicholson! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays a snarky old asshole who learns a lesson about love?" "Look! It's Tom Cruise, the world's second worst actor! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays an uptight dickhead who struts away from exploding things?" And the broadcasters get caught up in the hype of a Lakers game, and before long they are openly hoping the Lakers win.

Then there's Kobe Bryant, possibly the most arrogant and transparent player to ever rape a hotel maid. Oh, sorry. He was acquitted. I forgot. Anyway, when you're down 25 points and watching this guy do his best "I'm a mean warrior" face, anything he does will set you off. He could sit there on the bench and pour tea for his grandma while writing ten-thousand dollar checks to charity and I'd find something wrong with the way he did it. He makes me sick. Punk. Winner. Beater of us.

I read this blog's analytics once in a while. Los Angeles is always among the top for numbers of visitors. So, Lakers fans who might be reading this blog, I wish you sports pain and loss of city pride. I wish for you to see your precious Kobe holding his head low on the bench, suffering a stinging loss that makes him say to the cameras in the locker room, "Ya know, we just got beat, that's all. They came to play. They did some things and we didn't do some things and we need to execute a little better next time. Focus. One-hundred and ten percent. Heart. Soul. Tomorrow's another day." I hope a Magic player loses his balance and falls right into Ashton Kutcher, wiping that stupid smile off his face and causing him to seek medical treatment.

This isn't supposed to be sports blog. I'm just mad that we lost our team logo pride last night in front of a huge TV audience at the Lakers Show, starring Jack Nicholson. Sports, Entertainment, Politics, News. It's all the same game.

You'll recall how Vitamin Water and Nike were hoping the NBA Finals would be a Lebron/Kobe showdown. Vitamin Water has wiped the egg from their face and employed Orlando's Dwight Howard to mock the original Kobe/Lebron spot. Not a bad performance for a jock. Haven't seen acting like this from an athlete since Peyton Manning.

Get Your Basketball On - Or Don't

Charlie Murphy's got a new website called Get Your Basketball On in which he plays a Bozo-haired motivational speaker who does it all.



As in most things of this nature, I'm trying to find the corporate sponsors behind it. Though you can't find it on Charlie's site, which is disguised as a poorly created web designer's nightmare a la Borat's old MySpace page, a quick "Who Is" search reveals what I should've guessed: NIKE, Inc.

It's nowhere near as funny as they're hoping and the clowning done by Murphy seems over-the-top. This thing will be short-lived, I'm sure. Nike seems to stab out in a dozen directions lately, often going for the viral two-minute video. Most of the offerings on the site are pretty lame and I almost feel bad for Murphy. Expect to see appearances of Charlie's character "Leroy Smith" during the NBA Finals in the coming weeks, with the slow reveal by Nike. I would not be surprised if Nike trotted out Jordan for an appearance in the series.

Counting Chickens That Never Hatched

Or putting all your eggs in one basket. Something, I don't know. Either way, some people have egg on their faces today.

Vitamin Water and Nike, following the script laid out by the NBA and the broadcasters, predicted a Kobe Bryant/Lebron James final and produced some fun and expensive commercials to that end. They never consulted with @dwighthoward, the non-tattooed, unassuming player who has no high-profile endorsement deals. Yet.





This little backwater, less-than-large media market is pretty psyched right now, glad that it isn't all about Disney for a little while, even if the team's name is a not-too-subtle nod to Disney. Lots of chest-thumping going on from the usual suspects, all proud to "finally get some respect."

Eventually the Magic will play in another venue, instead of the embarrassingly named Amway Arena. The Magic are also owned by Amway kingpin Rich DeVos, who has a management opportunity for you in his company.

Nike Ad Disses Chicago Bears

With apologies to British visitors to this blog, (and New York Punks) who not only don't care for American football, but seem to openly despise it, I must blog about football today, but with a tie-in to advertising.

The Chicago Bears aren't happy about this Nike ad, in which San Diego Charger LaDainian Tomlinson is shown making their defense look inept, weak and just plain bad. As luck (or some copywriter with an NFL schedule and some foresight) would have it, the two teams face off in their season opener today (4PM, ET), in which the Bears hope to prove this ad is nothing but fantasy.

I'm a Chargers fan, but living in Florida means I only get to watch the Dolphins, Bucs and Jags, three teams that inspire no loyalty from me. If I wanted to watch San Diego play, I'd have to buy that NFL package and switch to a satellite service, but that kind of investment and commitment would necessitate wearing a jersey and a hat, eating nachos, wings, hot dogs and chips all day long while sitting around with all my out-of-shape buddies, getting louder and more obnoxious as the beers flow well into the evening. And then there's another game on at 8:15, then game recaps until dawn and before you know it, it's time to go to work and you're worthless.

Look around your office on Monday. There will be a high percentage of people with bags under their eyes, drinking way too much coffee and not participating with very much enthusiasm in meetings. These people stayed up to watch the Giants-Cowboys game. A storied rivalry, it practically guarantees that offices in New York and Dallas will be abuzz with football talk most of the day, win or lose.

George Will, the American political pundit and baseball lover, has made more than a few jabs at football in his day. Here's one:

"Football incorporates the two worst elements of American society: violence punctuated by committee meetings."