Friday, June 05, 2009

The Enemy of Kobe is My Friend

I am a bummed-out basketball fan this morning, not that I have any right, really. Like much of this city, I got on board the Magic Bus only long after they showed they were contenders. Fairweather fans are the worst, but we're also the norm. Maybe you like to sit in a half-empty stadium and paint your body stupid colors while mugging for the camera as you support your woeful Cleveland Browns. (And you were there through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. When the crowds start showing up when the winning gets easier, you resent them. You are a REAL fan. But remember, none of the players are from your town and they'll leave the second another city offers them more money, swearing allegiance and love to a new town as they shake the dust of your dirty city from their cleats..So maybe your team pride is a little one-sided. In fact, when you think about it, you worship a logo.)

Anyway...(I do that all the time. "All aboard the Dave Train. Next stop...Random Tangent.")...I think what makes losing to the Lakers so unpleasant is the hype and show that is a Lakers game. A Lakers game is an event. To be seen at a Lakers game is a big deal in Hell-A. "Oh, look! There's the world's worst actor, Jack Nicholson! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays a snarky old asshole who learns a lesson about love?" "Look! It's Tom Cruise, the world's second worst actor! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays an uptight dickhead who struts away from exploding things?" And the broadcasters get caught up in the hype of a Lakers game, and before long they are openly hoping the Lakers win.

Then there's Kobe Bryant, possibly the most arrogant and transparent player to ever rape a hotel maid. Oh, sorry. He was acquitted. I forgot. Anyway, when you're down 25 points and watching this guy do his best "I'm a mean warrior" face, anything he does will set you off. He could sit there on the bench and pour tea for his grandma while writing ten-thousand dollar checks to charity and I'd find something wrong with the way he did it. He makes me sick. Punk. Winner. Beater of us.

I read this blog's analytics once in a while. Los Angeles is always among the top for numbers of visitors. So, Lakers fans who might be reading this blog, I wish you sports pain and loss of city pride. I wish for you to see your precious Kobe holding his head low on the bench, suffering a stinging loss that makes him say to the cameras in the locker room, "Ya know, we just got beat, that's all. They came to play. They did some things and we didn't do some things and we need to execute a little better next time. Focus. One-hundred and ten percent. Heart. Soul. Tomorrow's another day." I hope a Magic player loses his balance and falls right into Ashton Kutcher, wiping that stupid smile off his face and causing him to seek medical treatment.

This isn't supposed to be sports blog. I'm just mad that we lost our team logo pride last night in front of a huge TV audience at the Lakers Show, starring Jack Nicholson. Sports, Entertainment, Politics, News. It's all the same game.

You'll recall how Vitamin Water and Nike were hoping the NBA Finals would be a Lebron/Kobe showdown. Vitamin Water has wiped the egg from their face and employed Orlando's Dwight Howard to mock the original Kobe/Lebron spot. Not a bad performance for a jock. Haven't seen acting like this from an athlete since Peyton Manning.

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5 Comments:

  • That commercial makes me sad. It clearly is a repackaged Lebron vehicle.

    By Blogger InfoMofo, at June 5, 2009 at 11:31 AM  

  • But I don't think Lebron could've pulled it off as well.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at June 5, 2009 at 11:41 AM  

  • Being a hockey guy, I'm not much into basketball. I know what it's like, though, to love your team and (maybe) hate another (me: Bruins good, Montreal evil).
    Anyway, I enjoy your site and I think this is an interesting topic.
    I have invested some part of myself into a brand (The Boston Bruins), even though I'm an otherwise skeptical kinda guy (well, I do prefer Coke to Pepsi, but...).
    Why does "my team" hold me in thrall in a way that Coke never will? I'm not even from Boston...

    By Blogger Rick, at June 5, 2009 at 12:08 PM  

  • I couldn't have said it better myself. I am a Kobe hater for all those reasons and more. I want him to lose so bad it makes my skin crawl just looking at him. I wish Crystal Taylor would have hooked him instead of Dirk. I'm a Mavs (logo) fan.

    By Blogger Al, at June 5, 2009 at 4:21 PM  

  • Kobe is great. Howard what will you on the upcoming game 2 of 2009 NBA Finals.

    By Anonymous Mayweather vs. Marquez, at June 6, 2009 at 3:07 PM  

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