The Vet and The Noob

When I first saw this, I thought, "Wow - a new movie starring Jonah Hill and Sam Worthington that looks like it's based on a video game." Wrong, it's a video game commercial starring Jonah Hill and Sam Worthington.



Some may deride the stars for "selling out." But unlike a guy like Clooney, who only sells out overseas while maintaining the illusion of the pure and noble movie star here at home, these guys said, "You know what? It's Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3! How do we say 'No' to this?" And they sell it well. Something tells me Hill is a gamer anyway and the fanboy in him was more than happy to be a part of this promotion. Beautifully shot, acted and directed, this will help sell the hell out of the game, arriving on Tuesday and already the most pre-ordered title in gaming history. Dwight Howard of the Orlando Magic makes a brief cameo at the end.

And is this a slimmed down Jonah Hill? Unlike his neo-brat pack brother Seth Rogen, it looks like he didn't lose his comedy skills when he lost weight.

Field Hockey By Any Other Name Will Still Fail

When Native Americans played the sport, each team had 60 players. That might be awesome. (Click image for cool view.)

Got your season tickets yet?

Heavy metal soundtrack? Check.
Overexcited announcers? Check.
Scantily clad cheerleaders? No.

But that omission won't be responsible for killing the latest sport to try to establish a foothold in Orlando. Here's what will: No one will care. This town can barely support an NBA team that made it to the championship last year.

Professional Indoor Lacrosse.

And trust me, no edgy slogan like "Stick It!" is going to help.

Lacrosse, a fun and fast-paced game requiring speed, stamina and toughness, was apparently tired of being kicked around the edges of college campuses with the likes of Ultimate Frisbee. So they established a pro league. I'm sure it's a huge hit in Edmonton and Calgary, but Florida ain't gonna play. Here's the crowd turnout in Minnesota, an established lacrosse hotspot. Everett, Washington is getting a team this year. Boston got one last year. How's it going, Beantown? Yeah, I didn't think so. Boston's average attendance for their new team is 8,470 in an arena that seats 18,000. That's not good business.

Down here, it will be worse. No one is going to go to the games. I give it two years. Two years of front office staff and players going on radio stations, hyping it up, encouraging people to come and "See what it's all about!" Two years of poorly produced local commercials. And then, just as they left New York, the Orlando Titans will move somewhere else.

Good luck, boys, but I wouldn't start establishing any roots here.

There's Nothing Like a Testimonial

An image from the LA Times from last night, repurposed for BMW's benefit.

The NBA Finals on ABC - As Seen from Orlando

the bigger, 6'11" version

The Enemy of Kobe is My Friend

I am a bummed-out basketball fan this morning, not that I have any right, really. Like much of this city, I got on board the Magic Bus only long after they showed they were contenders. Fairweather fans are the worst, but we're also the norm. Maybe you like to sit in a half-empty stadium and paint your body stupid colors while mugging for the camera as you support your woeful Cleveland Browns. (And you were there through thick and thin, the good times and the bad. When the crowds start showing up when the winning gets easier, you resent them. You are a REAL fan. But remember, none of the players are from your town and they'll leave the second another city offers them more money, swearing allegiance and love to a new town as they shake the dust of your dirty city from their cleats..So maybe your team pride is a little one-sided. In fact, when you think about it, you worship a logo.)

Anyway...(I do that all the time. "All aboard the Dave Train. Next stop...Random Tangent.")...I think what makes losing to the Lakers so unpleasant is the hype and show that is a Lakers game. A Lakers game is an event. To be seen at a Lakers game is a big deal in Hell-A. "Oh, look! There's the world's worst actor, Jack Nicholson! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays a snarky old asshole who learns a lesson about love?" "Look! It's Tom Cruise, the world's second worst actor! I wonder when he'll make another movie where he plays an uptight dickhead who struts away from exploding things?" And the broadcasters get caught up in the hype of a Lakers game, and before long they are openly hoping the Lakers win.

Then there's Kobe Bryant, possibly the most arrogant and transparent player to ever rape a hotel maid. Oh, sorry. He was acquitted. I forgot. Anyway, when you're down 25 points and watching this guy do his best "I'm a mean warrior" face, anything he does will set you off. He could sit there on the bench and pour tea for his grandma while writing ten-thousand dollar checks to charity and I'd find something wrong with the way he did it. He makes me sick. Punk. Winner. Beater of us.

I read this blog's analytics once in a while. Los Angeles is always among the top for numbers of visitors. So, Lakers fans who might be reading this blog, I wish you sports pain and loss of city pride. I wish for you to see your precious Kobe holding his head low on the bench, suffering a stinging loss that makes him say to the cameras in the locker room, "Ya know, we just got beat, that's all. They came to play. They did some things and we didn't do some things and we need to execute a little better next time. Focus. One-hundred and ten percent. Heart. Soul. Tomorrow's another day." I hope a Magic player loses his balance and falls right into Ashton Kutcher, wiping that stupid smile off his face and causing him to seek medical treatment.

This isn't supposed to be sports blog. I'm just mad that we lost our team logo pride last night in front of a huge TV audience at the Lakers Show, starring Jack Nicholson. Sports, Entertainment, Politics, News. It's all the same game.

You'll recall how Vitamin Water and Nike were hoping the NBA Finals would be a Lebron/Kobe showdown. Vitamin Water has wiped the egg from their face and employed Orlando's Dwight Howard to mock the original Kobe/Lebron spot. Not a bad performance for a jock. Haven't seen acting like this from an athlete since Peyton Manning.

Counting Chickens That Never Hatched

Or putting all your eggs in one basket. Something, I don't know. Either way, some people have egg on their faces today.

Vitamin Water and Nike, following the script laid out by the NBA and the broadcasters, predicted a Kobe Bryant/Lebron James final and produced some fun and expensive commercials to that end. They never consulted with @dwighthoward, the non-tattooed, unassuming player who has no high-profile endorsement deals. Yet.





This little backwater, less-than-large media market is pretty psyched right now, glad that it isn't all about Disney for a little while, even if the team's name is a not-too-subtle nod to Disney. Lots of chest-thumping going on from the usual suspects, all proud to "finally get some respect."

Eventually the Magic will play in another venue, instead of the embarrassingly named Amway Arena. The Magic are also owned by Amway kingpin Rich DeVos, who has a management opportunity for you in his company.

Career Change - and Back Again

Billy Donovan, who led the Florida Gators to two consecutive national basketball titles, announced on Friday that he would be joining the Orlando Magic as head coach. By Sunday, he said he made a mistake and wants to stay at the University. I think these photos from Friday's press conference pretty well explain what happened.