Later, Sooners

People hate gloating winners, so be warned.

In their defense, the deck was stacked. From the location of the game (Florida) to the biased media clearly in the tank for Tim Tebow, (God's second-favorite Son) the Oklahoma Sooners were up against a wall. How do you rewrite a history written before the earth was formed?

As the game was ending and the coach being doused with Gatorade (invented at the University of Florida, by the way) I carried on a tradition instituted by my brother-in-law, currently serving in Iraq. If the Gators win, you must jump in the pool, regardless of weather conditions. It was cold, but if Urban Meyer has to endure a Gatorade bath, taking a cold midnight dip is the least I can do. And... I support the troops.

One of my guilty pleasures is visiting the hometown newspaper sites of teams the Gators beat up on. I like to read the rants of angry fans calling for the coach's resignation, or arm-chair speculating on how they would've handled that 4th and goal situation, if only they were a college football coach and not a fat loser fan of the beaten team who may or may not have discontinued beating his wife. And they always dump on Tebow, because they are bitter Satanists. But we still pray for them; that they may someday see the Light.

From The Oklahoman comes this picture of pre-game Sooners fans, still happy and hopeful as they stand before the bowl game's logo, blissfully ignorant of what Providence had already decreed before they were even born. They are also oblivious to the fact that even the game's logo was Gator orange and blue. It was Destiny.

Tebow's Heisman Concession Speech Notes Leaked

I have connections at the University of Florida, and some of my sources have sent me a copy of Tim Tebow's notes for the speech he plans to give at the Downtown Athletic Club in New York City tomorrow after the Heisman Trophy is presented.

It is widely presumed that Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford will win, which is not fair to Gator fans, who wanted to have back-to-back Heisman wins for Tebow, along with another National Championship as well as supreme rule of the Galaxy. And the Heavens and all that dwell therein.

Here it is, from Timmy's pen:

Click for The Bigness

Five Reasons Why College Football is Better Than The NFL

Pro football has become increasingly more glitzy, with video and sound effects on the broadcasts that are forced, out of place and more suited to video games. There's a "Vegas shine" to pro football that smacks of show business, pyrotechnics and everything that is superficial about America. College ball is just...better.

1. Hustle. College players are playing for the pro scouts. They are hoping to be noticed. They even get back to the huddle with more energy than pro players. (And less showboating.)
   
2. Loyalty. A college player isn't going to another team next year, donning the new jersey and cap while at a press conference talking about how excited he is to be playing in a new city.
3. Purity. College players aren't getting paid. They hope to some day, but for now, they play because they're good at the game and they love it.
4. Pride. Even after they enter the pros, the starting lineup of any NFL team will announce with pride the school they came from. School spirit trumps civic pride any day.
5. Crowds. A college team's fans are the largest, most rabid, loud, fun group of partisan loyalists ever to watch a game. And they are far more die-hard and less prone to fair-weather status than NFL fans.

What prompted this post? The San Diego Chargers have pissed me off again, losing, like a bunch of losing losers; a bunch of overpaid losers who have an overpaid loser coach who is a loser and specializes in losing. They make me hate the NFL today. (And all their sponsors.)

Tell Us, O Seer - What is Our Fate?

So I wasted way too much time the other night watching the History Channel's completely BS-laden Nostradamus specials. The History Channel is no longer the History Channel. It's the Crap Channel. It's the Speculation about Stupid Shit Channel. It's the Dumb-Ass Channel. It's the "We May Never Know" Channel. The problem with these believers in Nostradamus is their inability to tell us what any of his quatrains mean BEFORE the fact.

But I was doing some research and found some long-overlooked quatrains purported to be written by the Great French Swindler himself. I will share them, then interpret them for you. So here, for the first time ever, we can see his grand prophecies ahead of time.

From a saw to a house
in the time of reptile falling
a great shaking in the City
when torn from one to the next

This one is obvious. "From a saw to a house" clearly refers to Hillary Clinton being once from Arkansas and will soon occupy a house - that is, the White House. We can understand this prophecy by the very clear time references Nostradamus gives us in the following lines. "In the time of reptile falling" refers, obviously, to the Florida Gators no longer occupying the top spot in collegiate football. Further, we have a "a great shaking in the City, when torn from one to the next," which, as if I needed to tell you, refers to Joe Torre leaving the Yankees for the Dodgers. "Torn" our clue for Torre, "great shaking" obviously referring to earthquake-prone Los Angeles.

Let's try another.

A horse and rider, man reigns him
Braying, fallen, the ruse spoiled
breaking and lengthened with commerce
and storm shall go unnoticed

This one is exciting because it's so timely! "Horse and rider?" DUH! Colts and Patriots! "Man" is obviously Peyton Manning. "Braying?" Tom Brady! HELLO!"Ruse spoiled" = Belichick's cheating does him no good. "Breaking and lengthened with commerce" means the broadcast will be so filled with commercial breaks you'll forget you're watching a game. "Storm shall go unnoticed" means the Chargers (lightning) will romp all over the Vikings while no one pays any attention.

Wow. I'm spent. This prophecy business is taxing.

Career Change - and Back Again

Billy Donovan, who led the Florida Gators to two consecutive national basketball titles, announced on Friday that he would be joining the Orlando Magic as head coach. By Sunday, he said he made a mistake and wants to stay at the University. I think these photos from Friday's press conference pretty well explain what happened.

Life Without a DVR

I was one of the last people in North America to agree to be chained to work via cell phone (about 2002) and I still have yet to get on the DVR bandwagon. To me, it seems that a DVR would just make you watch too much TV. I figure if you miss a show, you missed it. Too bad. Besides, there are only about 3 things I even want to watch in a week. Tonight presents a problem.

24 is on opposite the Gators-Buckeyes NCAA National Basketball Championship. A cross promotional network revenue sharing plan should've been put into action months ago. All the employees of CTU could watch the game on their monitors. Jack could've watched it in the field on his PDA. The President could watch it in the Oval Office as he prepares to bomb three Middle Eastern countries.

Looks like I'll be hitting the "last channel" button tonight, switching back and forth between the game and the hunt for crazy terrorists trying to destroy my way of life. None of the commercials on either Fox or CBS will ever be seen by me.

Then again, if I had a DVR, I'd never see any commercials at all. Hmmm.

(Sympathies are due Emma Brownell of iMediaConnection, who was sure her local UCLA Bruins would maul the Gators. Chomp!)

Gloaters Aren't Pretty

After taking the opening kickoff 93 yards for a touchdown, karma kicked in for Ohio State's much vaunted Ted Ginn Jr. as he celebrated in the end zone. Out of the game with an injured ankle received while dancing. "I know I hurt it on the celebration, but I really don't know exactly how." The rest of the game was all Gators.

All football players, please study LaDainian Tomlinson's on-field behavior this weekend when the Chargers send the Patriots back to New England in shame.

Make your own McD messages at Ronald McHummer.