Guinness Denounced the Ad, Embraces the Notoriety

I saw a Guinness ad during a football game and went looking for it on YouTube and on the Guinness site. Couldn't find it. Nicely shot close-up from an in-the-glass perspective of beer being poured, but with a lame and taunting tagline that said something to the effect of "Maybe it's not for you." You're right, Guinness. It's not for me. And your attempt to make me feel like I'm not worthy of your beer didn't work. You're not the Marines. You're a thick beer. If I want to feel as though I've ingested a loaf of dark bread I'll just toss some pumpernickel in a blender with a couple shots of whiskey and get the same effect. But in my searching for this ad I think I may have uncovered a little bit of "wink-wink, we're so naughty" on the part of Guinness.

You may remember a couple years ago when some director released what he called a "banned Guinness ad." It was a spec piece, hoping to catch the attention of the Irish brew maker. It was during those naïve days of the late summer of '08, when the words "banned commercial" on your upload were a sure ticket to viral success, back before people realized there was no such thing as a banned commercial. It caught plenty of attention, but mostly from angry people who objected to the objectification of women. In the ad, a woman is used as a human coaster, her body gently rocking back and forth. We see only her mid-section while three separate hands reach for the bottle, presumably take a swig, then return it to her undulating form, the bottle staying balanced in the small of her back. Clearly she's supposed to be in the throes of a four-way, though she appears lifeless and limp.* Guinness and its agency were very quick to denounce the ad, saying,

Guinness is in no way associated with this video, and approached YouTube to have it removed. We are proud of our brands, and our commitment to responsible marketing, and this is not how we want our brand portrayed.

Fine. Nice job. Appropriate PR move. Nevermind that the ad is back on YouTube, with 1.5 million views this time around.

Also, nevermind that for sale at the Guinness store for $25 is the CD, "Music From the TV Ads." The cover art, with its pronounced line of beauty S-shape, bears a striking resemblance to the shape prominently featured in the "banned" spot.

I'm sure Guinness will claim this is merely the top of the harp that serves as their logo.

* Which reminds me of a joke. Use your mouse to highlight the invisible text below.

What's the difference between spaghetti and a sorority girl?

Spaghetti moves when you eat it. 

Bargain Barn

In a gesture of goodwill toward that horrible beer, Guinness, which I can't stand and derided earlier for their attemtps to turn St. Patrick's Day into St. Patrick's Season, I have tastefully distorted and overlayed the Guinness logo on the roof of the barn in the banner of this blog in honor of St. Patrick's day. (The barn is in Sperryville, VA.) I suspect this gesture will result in untold thousands of cases of Guinness being sold between now and Saturday. Drink up, America. St. Patrick would've wanted it that way.

Barn advertising was a common practice in America for many years, but was deemed an eyesore apparently in the 1960s. (According to a book on the subject.) I've decided to bring barn advertising back, at least to this blog. I won't do the Google Adsense thing. I just don't like that sort of page clutter. You come here for the text in the middle of the page, not the distractions on the periphery. (Except for the "Linkers and Lurkers" section, because they are all worthwhile bloggers.)

If you want your company's logo seen by over 1 million unique visitors per day* then you should contact me and we'll discuss how you can advertise on the barn in the banner of this blog.

*Total lie. But we can talk frivolous and immaterial things like numbers if you are serious about maximizing eyeballs for enhanced ROI built on a unique and robust synergistic platform with total scalability and entry-level portability.

St. Patrick's: A Day - Not a Season

BBDO has been doing the Guinness "Jib-Jab" styled TV spots, with the two cutout brewmeisters bopping around in crude South Parkian fashion, falling into Monty-Pythonesque slapstick mishaps as they congratulate each other with "Briliant!"

They're fine, funny spots most of the time, except this time of year, when Guinness and BBDO try to sell us on the notion that "St. Patrick's Season" is forthcoming.

Shut up. We have reason enough to hate Hallmark and Wal-Mart for the ways in which they make up seasons and reasons to buy crap. We don't need to hate an Irish brewery, too. St. Patrick's is a day. March 17th. Always was. Always will be. Don't pretend to extend this celebration just for the sake of selling what only a select few can stomach.

I won't go on about the awful taste of this warm sludge, the color of untreated wastewater. In America, we've come to expect that beer was meant to be served one degree above freezing, with a lime, on a beach, with your woman, maybe with some nachos. Warm beer and buttered brown bread may suit you and your mates in the smokey pubs of the Old Country, but this is the New World, and our St. Patrick's celebrations involve wearing a bit of green for one day. That's all.

Disclaimer: The author of Where's My Jetpack? is an equal opportunity blogger and fears for his life when insults of products might be misconstrued as insults of entire countries or cultures. Some of my best friends are Irish and I've even been known to enjoy a couple of U2 songs. I believe in an individual's right to choose his or her own beer without regard to color or creed, but rather on the content of the beer's character. You are free to buy and drink your liquid bread, or your porkchop in a glass, and I will defend that right as I toast you from the beach, hoisting a chilled, crisp Corona Light. With a lime.