Note to Print Media: You're Doing it Wrong

Again. And still.

My local paper has several Twitter accounts. Here's the latest tweet from @OrlandoOpinion


What a worthless thing to waste my time on. What does it matter how we think the Senate should vote on Obama's nominee to the Supreme Court? Why is this news? What will you do with this information once you've gathered it? Will you send a note to Florida's two senators saying, "The respondents to our idiotic and inane poll think you should/should not confirm Obama's nominee."

If I were a Senator, I'd say to myself, "Hmmmm. Screw those idiots. What kind of loser takes the time to register his/her opinion on such a question? Maybe only crazy activists on either side of the political spectrum?"

Besides the complete and utter stupidity of such a tweet, what kills their request for me to go to their pole further is the command "Vote!"

No! I won't! You're being stupid.

But I suppose a few people clicked that way, then saw a banner ad for Embassy Suites and said, "You know what? That happy couple frolicking in the surf sure makes me want to take my wife to Fort Lauderdale for the weekend. I think I'll book a room. Aw, what the hell, let's upgrade that room to a deluxe suite! Oh, look! a car ad! We need a new car right about now!"

A couple of summers ago, I did a short six-week or so freelance stint at the local paper. It was a sad experience as I watched them try to desperately come up with ways to make more money and stem the exodus of subscribers. They wanted to create a weekly "Legal" section, much like their weekly "Auto" section, that they would fill with ads from personal injury attorneys. Problem was there are just not that many "legal" story angles to fill a section every week. They started up a weird offshoot site called Engine Head, which they tried not to associate themselves with, lest the street racers and local motorcycle enthusiasts realize it was a cleverly disguised ruse. I wrote a radio script for them in which the announcer said something to the effect of "subscribe to our feed" or "bookmark it and check us for weather, traffic, blah, blah, blah." They did not like that. They changed it to read, "Make us your homepage!" Delusional thinking, I told them. Does anyone have the local paper's website as their homepage?

Since I was there, they've undergone massive layoffs and attempts at colorful rebranding to the point that the paper now looks like a website, complete with banner ads along the bottom of the front page. I'm sure they're selling a few issues of commemorative Orlando Magic editions in the wake of our local team's surprising performance in the NBA playoffs, but the end is in sight for the print version and has been for a long time.

Naturally, all papers are trying to do the online thing, and the more clicks they can show, the more they can charge their banner ad placers. But when your tweets are that dumb, I'm not clicking on the links within, so I'm not seeing the banners, and I might just unfollow you now. The local TV stations' websites offer everything you do. They also want to be my source for news, weather, traffic, jobs, classifieds, and my first choice for stupid celebrity mugshots or pictures of kids on Spring Break getting drunk. Or dumbass polls that mean nothing.

What do you have that distinguishes you from anyone else? How are you different? Why should I visit your site? You're not offering me anything compelling.

Who Says Traditional Media is Dying?

My local paper, owned by the Tribune company, is doing its best to stay competitive, even in the face of bankruptcy and dwindling circulation numbers. They report on the things we are concerned about. Read the whole riveting tale here.

One Family's Ruin is Your Opportunity!

My generous local paper's website, alllowing me to search foreclosure listings for FREE! (I went there trying to grab a screenshot of a banner ad in which they failed to Photoshop out the iStockPhoto watermark from the picture they stole. I mean, we've all done it, right? But most of us know to hide the watermark.)

In College it Won't Be Illegal

Having done a few weeks of freelancing for the creative services division of my local paper this summer, I can attest to the fact that print journalism is having a tough time of it, particularly local newspapers. Subscriptions are dropping and no one knows quite how to monetize this whole Internet thing, aside from placing annoying pop-up ads on every page of the paper's website. The online versions of the newspapers want to be everything to everyone. “We’re your news, weather and traffic source. And dining guide. And job hunting place. And garage sale finder. And place to meet singles in your area.” Trouble is, every local TV and radio station website makes the same claims. The competition for readers and visitors is getting tough. The Post, The Times and the various wire services have all the international or national stories locked up, so the papers resort to touching human interest stories or titillating scandal.

So I guess it shouldn’t have surprised me to find my local paper scraping the barrels of salacious journalism today on their website, offering up as one of their Photos of the Year galleries Women Arrested for Having Sex with Their Students, brought to you by the University of Phoenix.

What About Bob?

This is Bob. He's running for President. I don't know why these guys crop up every four years, but they always do. Is it guys in their retirement years who've just had enough? Is it senility? Dementia? Just plain pissed off?

Bob sure looks pissed off. He reminds me of one of those guys who's so mad at the direction the country has taken that he'll fly an upside down flag on his garage door and then confront the police when they show up to see why he's on the roof wearing a gas mask.

I'm sure Bob's a nice guy. I like his simple "Bob for President" approach. He took out a half-page ad in my local paper today.

Ditch the Dancers

If you're like me, you long ago trained your eye to avoid banners and pop-ups, finding the content you're after while trying to avoid the carnival barkers on the periphery. And so the banner ad makers decided to follow you around the page and scroll down with you - or they unfold some mini-site out of a Flash banner you accidentally rolled over. Saw this one today- a new twist as far as I know - using, of all things, Subtlety. Ghosted McD's ad doesn't become colorized until you roll over it. A nice touch of class for a usually classless art form. No dancing gay cowboys or anything like that. Found at OrlandoSentinel.com.