Suck In Your Cheeks More, Daniel

Pouty male model is not a good look for a suave spy. Or maybe you're just Daniel Craig for this ad, Hollywood A-lister who happens to sport an Omega? That can't be, because your movie is part of the ad. So you're in character for the ad. Or maybe Daniel Craig as James Bond always looks like this? Holy crap! He does!

(And it's not a "watch," peasants, it's a timepiece, or better yet, a chronograph.)

There were many Bonds before you, Danny Boy. Keep that in mind.

Good News, Watchmakers: 239 Million People Are Asking This Question

I guess they don't trust the clocks on their computers.

Sir Smug & Son

Money Won't Buy You Happiness...
But It Can Sure Rent it For a Long Time.

I actually like the concept behind the ads for Patek Philippe watches - that you don't really own one, you just take care of it for your offspring - but their choice of models is bugging me. The man on the left could play a sophisticated Satan in a supernatural thriller, while the guy on the right is the perfect frat-boy, rich-kid stereotype who gets it in the end in a teen romantic comedy.

Click for maximum class envy

Here's more mean, watch advertising commentary.

Notes on a Meeting #7

A mock ad, unfinished in Photoshop after doodling in a Monday morning production meeting, featuring a new character in the growing cast. He's male model "Vance." (Known in the industry as "Fancy Pants Vance.") Vance does double-duty in this cross-promotion for Fancy Pants Luxury Chronographs and The Barry Obama Collection^TM.

click for larger

Previously in "Notes on a Meeting."

Previously in "Your Watch Doesn't Make you a Man."

Time is Running Out on Watchmakers

Chances are you are not an astronaut or a fighter pilot. You're probably not a Navy SEAL. And I'm not really going out on any limbs to doubt that few of you are secret agents, competitive yachtsmen or race car drivers.

The New York Times included this morning a "special advertising supplement" (66 pages) devoted exclusively to "luxury timepieces." Or "chronographs." These are those things that used to be called "watches." You wear them on your wrist and glance down at them, just in case you didn't see the clock on your computer, your phone, the one in your car, the three in the kitchen, the one on the cable box and the one on the DVD player.


I was in a meeting not long ago in which sat about 12 people ranging in age from 25 to 45. Men and women, professionals all, and not a one of us was wearing a watch. We made mention of this and it was agreed that there was no point anymore in wearing a watch. Watchmakers know this is happening and they're seeing their sales fall. Included in the NYT's glossy watch magazine was a two-page spread asking a bunch of smug, white CEOs of watch companies, "Why do you wear a watch?" They gave answers like, "A watch reflects my attitude," and "A watch is a private piece of art," and "It is all about unlimited pleasure and fantastic emotion." OK. As long as we agree that it's just an accessory at this point and is not really used for keeping time. And I need to spend thousands of dollars for this thing that has devolved into a status symbol?

Good luck, watchmakers. I'm sure the NYT was glad to take your money for what will prove to be a failed effort. I understand that in hard economic times it is important to advertise, but you are selling something no one really needs or can really afford right now.

Previously in watch rants: Never Seem to Find the Time

Tiger's Nike Hat Stitched to His Skull

Tiger Woods and his Link Calibre S Chronograph with Perpetual Retrograde Calendar. And his Nike hat.

But it's not the first time Tiger has worn this hat in ads for other things.

For details of this unique relationship, see this Forbes article.

Top ad scanned from the New York Times' quarterly T: Style Magazine, otherwise known as the Who's the Weirdest Designer/Stylist Contest.

Previously in Precision Timekeeping Instruments:
Never Seem to Find The Time

Never Seem to Find the Time

Pictured here is the Yacht Master II from Rolex, because the Yacht Master wasn't elegant and luxurious enough.

In the year 2000 (June, as I recall) my watch stopped working. At first it bugged me, not being able to look down at my wrist and know the time. Eventually I realized that no matter where I went, there was a clock of some kind within sight. There are two in my kitchen in the form of the microwave and a CD player. The cable boxes show the time. My computers have clocks. My cell phone displays the time. There's a clock in the car. We've got clocks on the walls.

Conclusion: I don't need a frickin' watch, or "precision chronograph" or whatever they call them tomorrow. And if, as Seiko tries to tell me, "It's your watch that says the most about who you are," then I must be subhuman.

All you guys who own Rolexes and Breitlings and Tag Heuers and whatnot can now post comments about how when you're yachting, or piloting your plane, or fly fishing in Alaska, or rocketing to the international space station, it's much easier to look at your wrist than your cell phone. Also, feel free to tell me how the clocks in my home rely on electricty and what if that went out? I don't care. I'm not buying a watch. Or fixing my old one.