Blasphemer!

I thought I'd edit Mr. Jefferson's document a little.

Click for Maximum Offensiveness

Guess this means Sean Hannity won't be inviting me to his picnic.

Of course I "Love My Country." But let's be real for a minute on this day and remember that the "Founding Fathers" would probably not have associated with you unless you wore a powdered wig and banged your slaves. It's fine to celebrate our past, but don't color history in such majestic and glorious shades that you repaint it entirely.

We still have a long way to go as a country. We are just as divided today as we were then. 40-45% of the colonists supported the rebellion. 15-20% of the population remained loyal to the British Crown and the remaining 35-45% attempted to remain neutral.

Overdosing on the Flag

Here's a screenshot of Sean Hannity's homepage. He's so handsome when he does the "squint into the distance" pose, don't you think? Note that you can sign up for "Hannidate," where you might meet the woman of your dreams. She bakes red, white and blue cakes and agrees with you completely that "The Architect" Karl Rove gets a bad rap from the liberal Commie press.

It's good we have Sean here in our country. Anywhere else he'd have been locked up. Or worse.

This Man Obviously Hates America

This is House Minority Leader John Boehner, (whose family is really tired of telling everyone, "It's pronounced BAY-ner!") and this is his official photograph.

I saw Representative Boehner on some Sunday news talk show this morning and I sensed something disingenuous, maybe even evil in the man. Then I realized what it was. He was not wearing an American Flag Lapel Pin. If you do a Google image search for Boehner, you'll have a hard time finding this Ohio Catholic Republican wearing an American Flag Lapel Pin. I think someone has some explaining to do.

Surely Representative Boehner understands that one's patriotism is measured by the symbolic act of wearing a cheap, Chinese-made trinket on the lapel.

Good people of the 8th congressional district of Ohio, I hope you do not re-elect this man, whose allegiances are suspect, whose loyalties lie perhaps with dangerous groups that hate America and whose own refusal to prove his love for his country make him ill-fit for public service.

A Hovercraft in Every Drive

Instant breakfast on the table at 6:45

Friends of the show Jason Fox and Russ Smith both sent in links this week to sites about actual working jetpacks.

Jason, a Dallas-based copywriter who authors the hilarious Ad Hole, (and is now the proud father of twins. Congratulations, Mr. & Mrs. Fox.) sent in this one. Russ, (who I'm not sure I know what he does, but he reads this blog and might live in either Ohio or Colorado based on his Picasa set) sent in this one.

Thanks to both of them for the heads-up, but as I've said before, until a jetpack is available at Wal-Mart for a decent price and can go more than a quarter mile on a tank of fuel, this blog's name stays as is.

(I'll be linking to you both this weekend in the "Linkers and Lurkers" section to the right. Also, Joker, who writes a thoughtful blog and comments here late at night after he's been drinking heavily. Unless Joker is Russ Smith.)

On another note, I suppose it's time to cease receiving US flag redesign submissions, since Ben Mall, better known to the Internet as Texan in Hippieland, was the only one who sent in a design. Here's Ben's. It looks suspiciously similar to the Texas flag.

Redesigning the US Flag

I grew up in a very patriotic household, and flag respect was taught at an early age. For example, “If the flag touches the ground it is required that we burn it,” or “The flag will never be flown at night unless it is illuminated,” and “The flag shall not be worn as a bandana, t-shirt or any other article of clothing.” (And those were Mom's rules. Dad's were even more stringent.) But even with all that built-in respect, I find that I hate the American flag.

Now, before you get your patriotic panties all in a wad, allow me to clarify: I think the design of the US flag is hideous. It’s the world’s most tasteless and gaudy flag design. What were they thinking when they came up with this thing? Besides the fact that it is “star spangled” (the gayest term ever) it’s also off balance. In some instances it can actually look like it’s being displayed backward. We’re accustomed to seeing the blue part on the left, but when it’s on the right sleeve, or on the right side of an airplane, the blue is on the right. (The reason they do this is that the flag must never look like it is in retreat; it is always displayed moving forward, as into battle.) And what happens if we add more states some day? We gonna make room for more stars in the blue field? Stupid idea to add stars every time you add a state. And thirteen red and white stripes? Dumb. Looks like peppermint.

So, let’s fix it. I’m calling for entries. Send them to jetpacks(at)gmail(dot)com. Here’s mine.














UPDATE: Dad weighs in. "uh oh .....touchy subject! I would imagine you'll get some responses! Personally I like the design...maybe because I grew up with it...but I think it's the best looking flag out there. And adding a star for a state? That's dynamic! "

The World's Most Famous Brand

Click it for maximum viewocity

A collage after lots of image searching. I'm sure most of these are copyrighted. Too bad.

From the iconic to the ironic, with a few moronic thrown in for good measure. It's not meant to be patriotic. It's about branding.

Idea for collage found in this article.