The Asterisk is Your Friend

Years ago, in a meeting between representatives from the legal, sales and marketing departments, someone suggested, "Really, we can pretty much say anything we want if we put an asterisk next to it, and then explain the overstatement or blatant lie on the back or the bottom in very small print."

In this case, that fine print would read: You can't really COUNT the peanuts and measure that count against the number of all the other nuts combined. When we say, "Less than 50%," we mean by weight. So, if you want, you can weigh all the peanuts and compare that result against the weight of all the other nuts combined and you'll find that it probably comes in at around 49.99999%. But don't you think it's cool how we managed to hide all the peanuts under a layer of the better nuts carefully placed on the top of the can? Do you know how long it took us to accomplish that feat of packaging? It's like automated food styling!"

The Best Burgers in Florida

...are made in my backyard.

The dripping sauce on the bottom bun is Thai sweet chili sauce. That's a turkey burger on a small water roll with a Nebraskan grown tomato. (Free from salmonella, I'm told.) Make them small, ala Krystal or White Castle, and your guests tend to think they're eating better if they have a second.

Serve with sweet potato fries and Mexican beer.

That's Right.™

From your youngest days, you recognized that the pictures on TV or on the menu exaggerated the awesomeness of the food. Here's the Baconator™, as advertised by Wendy's - and the Baconator™, as delivered by Wendy's.

Food stylists are wizards. Here's a good one I found simply searching that term. They make us buy things. They sell what isn't real.

For the record, the Baconator™ is indeed a tasty mountain of sodium and fat. I split it with four other people.

Here's the very good spot that introduced it to us.

UPDATE: HighJive points out in the comments that the author of West Virginia Surf Report has made a modest hobby of doing what I've done here. The pictures there are pretty disgusting - and funny.