That's Right.™

From your youngest days, you recognized that the pictures on TV or on the menu exaggerated the awesomeness of the food. Here's the Baconator™, as advertised by Wendy's - and the Baconator™, as delivered by Wendy's.

Food stylists are wizards. Here's a good one I found simply searching that term. They make us buy things. They sell what isn't real.

For the record, the Baconator™ is indeed a tasty mountain of sodium and fat. I split it with four other people.

Here's the very good spot that introduced it to us.

UPDATE: HighJive points out in the comments that the author of West Virginia Surf Report has made a modest hobby of doing what I've done here. The pictures there are pretty disgusting - and funny.

Screamin' Funny

I hated the tree-kicking Wendy's ad, but this one works for me. On one forum I saw this remark: "I mean, how is this supossed to get me to go to Wendy's? It's like some weird horror movie directed by Fellini." To which someone else replied, "Who cares about the commercial? It has 6 strips of bacon...it sells itself." Anyway, clueless wonder, it's not a horror film. Men's faces are crudely affixed to the bodies of girls going insane in some sort of Beatlemania over the Baconator. And I think they even used real footage from the era.



I even love the "That's Right" stinger that closes the ad. It's got the WTF/Humor factor + more. It's got 6 strips of bacon. And Saatchi figured it out: a burger of this grotesque magnitude and artery clogging capabilities will only sell to men who like to laugh in the face of death. Hence the pudgy, goofy Vince Vaughn looking guy at the end.

The Colonel Gets Another Makeover

(LOUISVILLE, KY) Kentucky Fried Chicken is test-marketing yet another image change in select cities across the US. With a rearrangement of their letters to FKC and a drastic update of the beloved icon Colonel Sanders, the company says it’s all about attracting the crowd most known for frequenting fast food franchises.

“Appealing to busy families on the go might work in small town and rural America, but we’ve seen a trend in the chain's more urban markets,” said Jane Marquette, a partner in the advertising agency BSF+U. “When we visited KFC outlets across America, there was an overwhelming trend we could not ignore; many of the restaurant’s clientele were stoners, skaters, emo kids and blue collar guys on their lunch breaks.”

In San Diego, the image change has been viewed very positively; with local sports radio stations urging listeners to frequent the stores.

“F KC! That’s what it’s all about, man!” said Tug McBohner, host of the drive time sports show Chargers or Death. “We HATE Kansas City here. F them is right!”

Marquette insists the name change has nothing to do with the city of Kansas City and says it’s more about projecting an attitude that appeals to the modern fast food diner.

“The name means Fried Kentucky Chicken, obviously, but it can be viewed in any way a patron wishes. That’s part of the edginess of the campaign,” said Marquette. “We are fully aware of what F means, and our targeted demo understands the wink and the nod we’re giving them. We’re making Kentucky Fried Chicken cool.”

As for the makeover of the Colonel, Marquette says that was a tough sell for KFC brass.

“He’d only recently received a pretty dramatic makeover, so their squeamishness at letting us alter him even further was understandable. But when we showed them a random sampling of photographs of their own employees, who look very much like they might be the new Colonel’s partying buddies, they relented. He's a little menacing, perhaps even scary, but our studies are showing that the kids look up to him much more than they did the kindly old grandpa in the apron.”

Marquette predicts that other fast food chains will mimic KFC’s efforts.

“They’re already after the same group with their Do Wendy’s and Fourth Meal and I’m Thinkin’ Arby’s campaigns. It’s all about the hipster kids with the munchies and some money.”

Disclaimer: Please, do we really need a disclaimer here?

Brand Icons Rush To Indian Maiden's Defense

The Indian Maiden Defense Union of Major Brands (IM DUMB) has announced that they are boycotting Where's My Jetpack? until the offensive post from yesterday is taken down.










Little Debbie, the Morton Salt girl, Aunt Jemima, the Coppertone child, Betty Crocker, Wendy and a creepy new SunMaid Raisin lady are calling on all concerned "peoples of the world" to express their outrage at "the willful and wanton disregard for decency, as well as the sexist and exploitative attitude" displayed on this blog.

Coppertone kid got in on this too? She's got a lot of room to talk.

What Might've Been - Rejected by Wendy's

In light of the recent switch of the Wendy's account to Saatchi & Saatchi, one of the losing agencies bidding for the creative side of the fast-food giant's business has revealed to Where's My Jetpack? one of the ideas presented in their pitch.












A self-described "envelope-pushing agent of change," Jill Summersby-Heath-McBride-Jackson of Pure Bull Worldwide said:

It was time for Wendy to grow up. That poofy shouldered shirt, the freckles, the pigtails. Ugh! And "Quality is Our Recipe?" How staid and cliched! Also, the whole "old fashioned" thing has run its course, no offense to the memory of the late great Dave Thomas. So we lost that old typeface on the Wendy's name and went with the "punkassbitch" font, also losing the silly wrought-iron swirly thing. We got rid of "old-fashioned" and just decided to tell it like it is. I mean, if the Colonel can get a facelift, why can't Wendy let her hair down? The Wendy's people weren't really into what we presented. Their loss. It tested well with a lot of diverse groups. Frankly, I think the little girl is creepy."