"Fried" is a Four Letter Word

Cringe with me, won't you, by visiting KFC.com. Close your eyes in shame and hang your head as you watch the white lady dance with drumsticks.

The "F" in KFC stands for "fried," as you might guess from the image below.



Now KFC wants you to "unthink" what you know about KFC.

Bad start.

Years ago, Kentucky Fried Chicken decided they needed to shed the whole "fried" image and start calling themselves "KFC." I remember an old Dennis Miller bit from that time in which he said, "It's chicken. Let's not try to hip it up too much, OK?"

And yet here they are, still using the word "fried" prominently on their current website, signs and advertising. Why not just call yourselves "Kentucky Heart Attack Chicken" or "Kentucky Clogged Arteries Chicken?"

Now they want us to think of them as "grilled," even though they still call themselves "fried."

Confused much, KFC?

You need to decide what the hell you want to be and be it. And don't ask me to "unthink" when you're clearly the ones who need to start thinking.

How about dropping the adjective altogether and just be "Kentucky Chicken?" Or how about just "The Colonel's?" A massive, chain-wide rebranding will be expensive and difficult, but it beats this schizo image you're presenting.

Sure, "fried" is a dirty word nowadays, and KFC understandably needs to move away from it. But pull the plug already. Anytime you tell your customers to "stop thinking about us this way!" you are digging a hole. And as you ask them to stop thinking of you that way while still calling yourself that, you're just being stupid. I'm sure the agency knows this, but I'm also sure they're up against a bureaucratic corporation that can't quite "unthink" their old image.

The Colonel Goes to War

This commercial has it all: drama, explosions, war, honor. The storyline is great, too: a pretty Taiwanese soldier Girl Scout, at great risk to her own safety and against all odds, manages to get some KFC to the general, who we presume decorates her honorably for her heroic deed.



And then she runs for President, I'll bet.

Prediction: Someone will make a dog meat or cat meat joke in the comments. But until you've tried it...

The Colonel Gets Another Makeover

(LOUISVILLE, KY) Kentucky Fried Chicken is test-marketing yet another image change in select cities across the US. With a rearrangement of their letters to FKC and a drastic update of the beloved icon Colonel Sanders, the company says it’s all about attracting the crowd most known for frequenting fast food franchises.

“Appealing to busy families on the go might work in small town and rural America, but we’ve seen a trend in the chain's more urban markets,” said Jane Marquette, a partner in the advertising agency BSF+U. “When we visited KFC outlets across America, there was an overwhelming trend we could not ignore; many of the restaurant’s clientele were stoners, skaters, emo kids and blue collar guys on their lunch breaks.”

In San Diego, the image change has been viewed very positively; with local sports radio stations urging listeners to frequent the stores.

“F KC! That’s what it’s all about, man!” said Tug McBohner, host of the drive time sports show Chargers or Death. “We HATE Kansas City here. F them is right!”

Marquette insists the name change has nothing to do with the city of Kansas City and says it’s more about projecting an attitude that appeals to the modern fast food diner.

“The name means Fried Kentucky Chicken, obviously, but it can be viewed in any way a patron wishes. That’s part of the edginess of the campaign,” said Marquette. “We are fully aware of what F means, and our targeted demo understands the wink and the nod we’re giving them. We’re making Kentucky Fried Chicken cool.”

As for the makeover of the Colonel, Marquette says that was a tough sell for KFC brass.

“He’d only recently received a pretty dramatic makeover, so their squeamishness at letting us alter him even further was understandable. But when we showed them a random sampling of photographs of their own employees, who look very much like they might be the new Colonel’s partying buddies, they relented. He's a little menacing, perhaps even scary, but our studies are showing that the kids look up to him much more than they did the kindly old grandpa in the apron.”

Marquette predicts that other fast food chains will mimic KFC’s efforts.

“They’re already after the same group with their Do Wendy’s and Fourth Meal and I’m Thinkin’ Arby’s campaigns. It’s all about the hipster kids with the munchies and some money.”

Disclaimer: Please, do we really need a disclaimer here?