Quaker Gets a Makeover

Following in the footsteps of Colonel Sanders, Aunt Jemima, Betty Crocker and others, the Quaker Oats company has decided to update their iconic logo to reflect a changing market.

"Consumers tended to see our brand as old and staid, according to extensive market research," said Kirk Phingerinwind, head of Brand Redevelopment and Evangelism Management for Quaker, "and we felt now was the time to update our beloved old Quaker man and help our company relate to the streets, as it were."

Sporting a fresh haircut and shunning his traditional Quaker garb, Quaker man now dons a trucker hat and a pin-striped blazer over an opened white shirt. Quaker man also underwent minor cosmetic surgery to eliminate a double chin and sagging jowls, giving him what designers call "an almost geriatric androgyny."

"Heart-healthy fiber is cool," said Phingerinwind, "and New Quaker man will convey just how cool."

Brand Icons Rush To Indian Maiden's Defense

The Indian Maiden Defense Union of Major Brands (IM DUMB) has announced that they are boycotting Where's My Jetpack? until the offensive post from yesterday is taken down.










Little Debbie, the Morton Salt girl, Aunt Jemima, the Coppertone child, Betty Crocker, Wendy and a creepy new SunMaid Raisin lady are calling on all concerned "peoples of the world" to express their outrage at "the willful and wanton disregard for decency, as well as the sexist and exploitative attitude" displayed on this blog.

Coppertone kid got in on this too? She's got a lot of room to talk.