Friday, May 29, 2009

Starchtastic Carb Overload

I haven't tried it. Don't think I ever will. Has anyone had this thing? Pasta in a bread bowl. C'mon. This seems like it was invented for inclusion in This is Why You're Fat. What was that meeting like at Domino's headquarters in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

(Harp roll-down SFX)

"Papa John's is kicking our asses!"

"Papa John is a dick."

"Yeah, I know. But he's been moving in on our sales."

"You not worried about DiGiorno's or the other frozens?"

"Phhhft. Those require work on the part of the consumer. Get in the car. Go to the store. Put it in the oven. We're after the lazies. The stoners. The losers. The fat-asses."

"Then it's easy."


"We make this giant crust thing that's just freakishly massive."

"And what? Stuff it with cheese?"

"No. We did that."

"OK. So?

"I'm thinking we fill it with pasta!"

"That sounds disgusting."

"To you. But let's test it on a couple focus groups of lazy fat-asses and stoner losers and see."

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  • I would like to be a fly on the wall in the sessions where they brainstorm all the types of food they can make with nothing but a pizza oven.

    I'll bet there was a good debate around bagels and opening the stores at 7AM.

    By Anonymous Bumby, at May 29, 2009 at 9:56 PM  

  • Do you eat it with a bread fork? Accompanied by a soft drink in a bread cup? Then wipe yourself off with a bread napkin?

    By Blogger HighJive, at May 31, 2009 at 10:49 PM  

  • I didn't know things like this existed! It's like a dream - who knew you could eat so many complex carbohydrates in one fell swoop. Break out the ketchup Mom, I'm on the next flight to DTW!

    By Anonymous Catch Up Lady, at June 6, 2009 at 10:24 PM  

  • It's like an Italian Fat Fuck Famous Bowl. I honestly saw it and went what the fu... Seriously, this product is like a "Screw the carbs" meat manifesto, and it still seems nasty as hell.

    @ Bumby: I think Twitter long installments are all I could handle. I've been in a focus group and it's like AA for capitalists.

    @ high Jive: Don't forget Bread pudding or a chocolate croissant for dessert.

    @ Catch Lady: I do think this plate deserves to appear on some episode of Jackass... what they do with it, I don't need to know, but I'm sure it'll be something on the lines of two guys one bread bowl.

    By Blogger Joker, at June 11, 2009 at 11:44 PM  

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