Starchtastic Carb Overload

I haven't tried it. Don't think I ever will. Has anyone had this thing? Pasta in a bread bowl. C'mon. This seems like it was invented for inclusion in This is Why You're Fat. What was that meeting like at Domino's headquarters in Ann Arbor, Michigan?

(Harp roll-down SFX)

"Papa John's is kicking our asses!"

"Papa John is a dick."

"Yeah, I know. But he's been moving in on our sales."

"You not worried about DiGiorno's or the other frozens?"

"Phhhft. Those require work on the part of the consumer. Get in the car. Go to the store. Put it in the oven. We're after the lazies. The stoners. The losers. The fat-asses."

"Then it's easy."

"What?"

"We make this giant crust thing that's just freakishly massive."

"And what? Stuff it with cheese?"

"No. We did that."

"OK. So?

"I'm thinking we fill it with pasta!"

"That sounds disgusting."

"To you. But let's test it on a couple focus groups of lazy fat-asses and stoner losers and see."

In Memory of the Victims of 9/11, Order a Pizza

There are probably more "New York Pizzerias" here in Florida than there are in New York. And it's a safe bet that when you step into one you will be greeted by black and white framed photos of Deniro, Pacino, Stallone, Sinatra and The Sopranos, among others. You can also bet that during your lunch or dinner, you will be treated to Frank Sinatra on the way-too-loud music overhead. There will be "I (heart) NY" shirts on the wall, posters of the Brooklyn Bridge, and perhaps a NY State license plate as well. It will be called a "ristorante" and be named "Manhattan," "Brooklyn," "Antonio's," or "Anthony's."


Not far from me is this place, offering us an ad this week in which we see the NYC skyline at top, complete with the Twin Towers. "In Memory of," they gently remind us. Then, just for one more bottom-of-the-barrel shameless cliché, they give us Lady Liberty serving a greasy pie.

Class, baby.

Pizza La - Big in Japan

SONG STUCK IN HEAD WARNING: The viewer agrees to hold Where's My Jetpack? harmless for subconscious rememberances of this jingle and/or entire commercial later in your day. By clicking the "play" button, you acknowledge that you are aware that a Japanese pizza commerical is about to commence, complete with annoyingly catchy childlike jingle (and accompanying dance steps) and scary animation. Possible side effects may include: nightmares, dizziness, blackouts, hallucinations, loss of bowel control and seizures.