Friday, January 22, 2010

Certain Side Effects May Include Screaming at People

Anyone who smokes, or who has ever smoked, knows quitting smoking is a state of mind. That's why smokers always say, "I can quit anytime I want." They just don't want to yet. Or they haven't psyched themselves up enough. Or they're planning on drinking tonight and cigarettes go great with alcohol. Or things are stressful and they know a smoke will calm their nerves. They were going to quit when cigarettes went over $5 a pack, but that day is long gone. They tried the gum, the patches, the slowly-weaning-themselves-off-method, but they didn't succeed. Even the nightmare-inducing, make you fart and barf drug from Pfizer didn't do the trick. And none of those edgy, million-dollar scare and shame tactics do a damn thing.

They hold to their excuses. They buy into the gimmicks. But they're just chicken-hearted, gutless pussies. I know because I smoke. And I'm psyching myself up for the day I lay them down with this mock ad. It will be my motto to myself.

FACT: Cold-turkey is the most effective stop-smoking method.

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  • Ooooh, you might need to plan some additions to your wardrobe since you'll be decidedly less cool without a cigarette hanging from your mouth. I'm thinking one of those terrorist scarfs.

    By Anonymous Oakhurst, at January 22, 2010 at 3:22 PM  

  • Ah yes, the terrorist scarf, the must-have accessory for the clearly cool.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at January 22, 2010 at 3:29 PM  

  • pray for me, I'm sporting a patch these days. They are difficult to keep lit.

    By Anonymous dirtsister, at January 22, 2010 at 6:44 PM  

  • what were you smoking when you wrote it's a fact that cold turkey is most effective?

    By Blogger HighJive, at January 22, 2010 at 11:03 PM  

  • HJ: I found that "fact" on the Internet so you know it's true.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at January 23, 2010 at 11:02 PM  

  • My husband successfully quit with the Smoke Enders program. His company paid half when the company went Mo smoking. It made the participants work on both the nicotine addiction (by switching to brands with progressively lower nicotine levels) and on breaking all the physio-psychological habits that were cues for smoking, by forcing longer separations between having a cigarette and whatever it was linked to, such as drinking a cup of coffee.

    Good luck on quitting, whatever method does the job for you. It'll make a world of difference to your health, and to your family's health as well.

    By Blogger Margaret, at January 25, 2010 at 4:13 PM  

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