Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Don't Tase Me, Bro

That is one funny phrase, and congratulations to Johannes Feldberg of Herndon, VA who had the foresight and the quickness to buy yesterday. (How do I know? I went looking to buy it!) No idea what Johannes intends to do with it, but he'd better act fast, as this sort of thing gets bumped off the front page very quickly these days.

Andrew Meyer, or Taser Boy, as he's come to be known in the media, is a stunt artist and an attention-seeker. As a clue, his email address is It's a shame he's drawing such negative attention to the very fine University of Florida. I know there's all kinds of debate going on about freedom of speech, police brutality, etc, but acting like an idiot in the interest of getting yourself on YouTube is quite another thing. Goal accomplished, Mr. Meyer. Make the most of your 15 minutes.

Don't Tase Me Bro
Lyrcs by D. Wilkie
(Feel free to set it to music, musicians.)

I'm headed straight for instant fame
This time tomorrow you will know my name
I'm gonna be a famous writer man
I'll stir it up however I can

I'll throw in buzzwords like Skull and Bones
They'll all record it on their camera phones
If Chris Crocker can have his day
You just wait until the world hears me say

Don't tase me, bro
Don't tase me, bro

I'm attention seekin'

They think I'm free speakin'
Don't tase me, bro
Yeah, I'm resistin' arrest

and I'm here to protest

Don't tase me, bro

Scream like a girl when the cops throw me down
Show up on Leno as the world's latest clown
Calculated spin-off: it'll spark some debate
about excessive force and a fascist state

I'll be the top story on Google News
Get me an agent for my interviews
Grab the attention of the media hounds
Across the world you will hear the sounds


Don't tase me, bro
Don't tase me, bro
That shock really hurt

You wanna buy a T-shirt?
Don't tase me, bro
It's all part of the plan

a famous writer, man

Don't tase me, br

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  • You were born 30 years too late, bro. You'd have been one hell of a jingle writer ;)

    Seriously though, the news media were all over Taser Boy in hours. I saw it on Hee-Haw Marketing last night (or maybe Monday night) and wondered whether the guy was for real or not. Something about the quickness of the "Don't Tase Me Bro" set off my BS Detector.

    By Blogger Toad, at September 19, 2007 at 10:15 PM  

  • Get those lyrics to a track, mister. Or maybe we could do a Dylaneque Hurricane-Carter thing.

    By Anonymous ouija repairman, at September 19, 2007 at 10:44 PM  

  • Thanks dude. I have no idea what to do with it.


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 20, 2007 at 12:01 PM  

  • You sure of UFL being 'very fine'? I almost went there but my friends tell me i am a lucky bastard for 'almost' being there.

    By Blogger New York Punk, at September 20, 2007 at 12:44 PM  

  • Now idiots are making a fortune of the phrase...check out this site:

    I will admit however, it is pretty funny on an infant t-shirt

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 20, 2007 at 3:17 PM  

  • Get yer don't tase me beanz (actually you can't buy 'em, it's just an attempt at humour). Better still, if you have an irreverent or ridiculous sense of humour, check out this blog:

    By Blogger Tex, at September 20, 2007 at 7:37 PM  

  • If I played an instrument, I'd be all over this.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at September 26, 2007 at 6:17 PM  

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