Sunday, April 20, 2008

So, You're A Vegetarian?

Or a vegan? Or a raw-foodist? That's cool. But the more you talk about it loudly at work within earshot of my cube, the more I'm going to loudly declare my love of all things meaty and announce randomly what sort of raw delicacy will grace my grill tonight, dripping blood onto the coals for that sizzling flesh smell that causes people to pause in their backyards and wish they were dining at my house.

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  • One time at this office I worked at? There was an obnoxious vegan salesperson who loudly extolled the virtues of of her vegan-izm while wearing LEATHER PANTS. Not Plether. LEATHER.

    By Anonymous dirtsister, at April 20, 2008 at 11:25 AM  

  • You better hope god isn't a cow, dude.

    By Blogger Scamp, at April 20, 2008 at 12:56 PM  

  • Even though that’s Photoshopped, you’ve just given Wendy’s an idea for their new HexaMax combo.

    It’s waaaaaaaaay better than five.

    By Blogger Make the logo bigger, at April 20, 2008 at 2:53 PM  

    But fur is warm.

    By Blogger goteamme, at April 20, 2008 at 9:18 PM  

  • Homer: Mmmmm, ginormus burger argh argh argh argh argh

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at April 20, 2008 at 10:24 PM  

  • If it doesn't make noise (moo, oink, or baa), I don't eat it! Someone's gotta thin the herd, might as well be me!!!

    By Blogger greencan, at April 21, 2008 at 9:25 AM  

  • Nice A Morrissey line...
    I just grilled up some awesome ribs on Sunday from a cute and delicious pink little pig. Slow cooked to perfection with just the right amount of sauce. I think that if you are dumber than me and delicious chances are real good I am going to eat you.
    Sorry animal kingdom that is the way I grill.
    Oh I did grill up some veggies to go with that Precious pork.
    Speaking of faces, when I lived NotintheUnitedStates we would have pig roasts for every half assed national holiday. The tastiest delectable bits of pork came right off of that pigs face. The cheeks and behind the ears. I would meet the live pigs we were going to roast and I always would give them a skritch to check for meatiness. "Ah, That one", I would say in the native patois.

    By Blogger Iagos, at April 21, 2008 at 9:34 AM  

  • self righteous "preachers" are not only annoying, but usually convince people to do the exact opposite of what they preach, out of shear spite.

    as for me, i try not to eat a lot of meat due to issues concerning how inefficient and bad it is planet resource&pollution-wise. that said, i did make a really tasty pork loin on the grill last night.

    i'm concerned about the planet, not crazy enough to give up pork cold turkey!(mmmm... cold turkey)

    By Blogger gregg, at April 21, 2008 at 10:08 AM  

  • Mmmmmm Cold Turkey with bacon!

    Gregg next time you have a need for some bacon and have the cast iron grates on your grill just grill it up. No flying fat in the house and the oh so yummy smoky aroma and flavour. Makes your neighbors nuts too.

    By Blogger Iagos, at April 21, 2008 at 4:59 PM  

  • I would like to see someone eating that Burger!

    By Anonymous chris, at April 22, 2008 at 3:39 PM  

  • I so would attempt that Everest of Colon-stuffing red meatness.
    I may just go to the local cubicle training ground and make my own assemblage this afternoon. If I do chris I will be sure to record it. I may even just sit down on the sidewalk in front of the neighborhood Hemp and patchoulie emporium to eat it. I won't have to worry about any effective counter-protests because their translucent skin and frail, stoned bodies will not make it past the sheet spray of flying grease and drool.
    If I should explode on near completion I want my autographed picture of Julia Child (ooh that Nymph!) to go to a good home.

    By Blogger Iagos, at April 22, 2008 at 4:53 PM  

  • i know a vegetarian who fragrantly litters, pisses me off and i'll throw it in his face any time he tries to convert me to his tastes

    By Anonymous notjohndoe2, at April 28, 2008 at 11:32 PM  

  • Self righteous bigot vegans are the reason why sane people pull out use prophylactics or opt for the poopoo hole. Really, it's like overly "religious" people that treat their family like shit but can recite Proverbs verbatim. Kindly screw yourself and let me savor my cow meat, lord knows I'm doing the world a favor since they pollute as bad as a coal refinery.

    By Blogger joker, at April 29, 2008 at 6:15 PM  

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