Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Match the "Celebrity" with their Bio

T-Mobile and their MyTouch, in association with Google, is reaching out to all you boomers who still think these people are funny. To me this only says T-Mobile is desperate.

a. I was an original SNL cast-member, but quit after I imagined the show was all about me. Cocaine will do that to a person. I did a few very forgettable movies and one good one, then disappeared, got fat and lost all my hair. Now my friends at NBC are trying to help me revive my career by putting me in a supporting role on a sit-com that is doomed to fail.

b. I did impersonations on SNL. I also did a thing with Mike Myers that became a couple of movies that made me some cash. When I blew up really big on the show, I ditched it in the hopes of becoming the next Bill Murray. It didn't work out. But I'm rich, so fuck you all.

c. My ticket into show-biz was my off-the-wall, ironic name. I did a few films that still pay enough royalties for me to keep an apartment in New York. I'm now on a daily panel of loud-mouthed opinionators who dictate the thoughts and buying habits of a bunch of sad and lonely people who watch us.

d. I had a few skits on SNL that were recurring, mostly that involved me showing my underwear in a sick and pathetic attempt at laughs. I also thought the movies were calling me, and left SNL for the bigtime, but I can't even name a single thing I was in that you would know.

e. I did a pretty good Bill Clinton on SNL. Sometimes they bring me back to do Cheney or Chris Matthews, but Lorne put me out to pasture after McCain lost. I now wear a sad face all the time.

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  • Jetpacks,

    Community is pretty funny, actually.

    By Blogger Josh, at November 18, 2009 at 3:21 PM  

  • Josh: I've watched Community and find it about 1/2 funny. I predict it's doom along with Parks and Recreation. NBC is loading up the Thursday slot with hopefuls that try to do the 30 Rock/Office thing, but I find myself skipping those new additions more often than catching them. They're far from "must see."

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at November 18, 2009 at 3:26 PM  

  • JP, I haven't even cracked a smile during Community, it's dead.

    Love Parks and Recreation.

    By Anonymous dirtsister, at November 18, 2009 at 7:06 PM  

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