Saturday, January 30, 2010

Unemployment Will Make A Man Do Weird Things

The last time I was on an extended unemployment stretch, I packed up everything and moved from Missouri to Florida. After I found a room to rent in a weird guy's house, I found a job as a landscaper. Actually, we mainly just cut lawns in the heat. It only lasted for a few months, but I have a tendency to romanticize that brief employment as the best job I ever had. The boss and owner of the company, a former timeshare salesman, was a thick-accented Jersey guy who always had a joint hanging from his lips. After we were done with a yard and it looked exceptionally nice, he'd say, "It's cake!" Or he'd announce as we approached a lawn, "Make it cake, boys!" I came to interpret that direction in a way that is best interpreted by the following diagram:

So, now that I'm unemployed again, I apply for jobs online and send cover letters and resumes to the people who hire people like me, and when I run out of those, I go to the yard and work on some long-neglected corner that needs a cakemaker's touch. Then I come in and check the inbox or send out another query letter for that damned book that keeps collecting rejection letters. Or I'll mess with the design of one of my websites. Sometimes I'll even mess with the whole purpose of one of my websites. And then sometimes I'll just get a really crazy idea like building a mock cake with a landscaping theme.

Admit it. It looks delicious.

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  • I smell niche: The Baking Landscaper.

    By Blogger mtlb, at January 31, 2010 at 2:06 AM  

  • If I had a boss like that, I would probably remember it as having an enjoyable job during a time in my life that you always remember. Hopefully that next time is right around the corner.

    By Anonymous Jeff, at January 31, 2010 at 8:51 AM  

  • Tasty looking. Truly. You could make it big in the wedding cake business if this advertising thing doesn't pan out. Ingenious approach to nabbing attentions of Extremely Busy Lit Agents, btw. You should see if you could get Gawker to link you. Good luck. On all fronts.

    By Blogger Ad Broad, oldest working writer in advertising, at February 1, 2010 at 12:21 AM  

  • Yea that Nick Denton sure is a tool smoking hot Paris Hilton plastic surgery Michael Vick fighting dog in a Super Bowl ring full of Obama loving venom. He should totally publish the best book expose chronically a John Edwards affair baby momma like downfall politician religious figure penis enlargement.

    Onward dear Jetpacks.

    By Anonymous J to the Izzo, at February 2, 2010 at 11:53 AM  

  • Thanks much, Ad Broad.

    Wow, Jizzo. I am trumped.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at February 2, 2010 at 12:11 PM  

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