Google Street Scenes: Hittin' the Bricks

I've taken a new tack in letting agencies know I wouldn't mind talking to them about any opportunities they might have open for a guy like me. (Lord knows the traditional methods aren't working.)

I find their buildings on Google Street Views and post my mascot, Major Mike Adams, outside their places of business. Then I send them a note, usually though Twitter, letting them know I am stalking them virtually. I'm sure it creeps them out at first, but then hopefully they see the picture and say to themselves, "Well, never seen that before. This guy is thinking outside the box. I'll bet he'd fit quite well into our unique culture. He seems to be a platform agnostic thinker with an eye for strategy and creativity. And he's also kind of a dick for blogging about us this way."

Below are two "leading" Orlando agencies, or so their sites would have you believe - though I have my doubts about one of them, whose Twitter account hasn't been updated since October. You can't really talk about how adept you are in the "social media space" when you don't use it yourselves.

In the second photo, we seem to have caught a local resident on the way home from a sleepover at a friend's house, pillow under his arm. I also wonder how old that "For Lease" sign is and whether or not the agency still occupies this building. Might explain the dormant Twitter account.

An Xtranormal Job Search - Part II

After my interview, the people doing the hiring discuss the candidates.

An Xtranormal Job Search

I'm on a campaign to find a job by Thanksgiving.

Chicken Wings Sold with Football Hands

Despite the fact that they sponsor competitive eating events, my least favorite "sport," I have to hand it (zing!) to Krystal for this ad.

They're a small player in the world of fast food, (they have 420 locations and are popular with college kids. COINCIDENCE?) but this relatively inexpensive ad is innovative. Quirky and cheap and sure, it gets old after a couple viewings, but I hear there are others in the campaign. Can't seem to locate any agency info on who did this. Would like to know.

UPDATE: Matt says in the comments that the agency for Krystal is The Johnson Group out of Chattanooga, TN, a very fine city I have visited a couple of times. And The Johnson Group is my kind of agency, not just pretending to know about social media, but totally up to speed. At left is a photo of their building from their website, followed by the street view from Google. Note the street view does not have the aging, weather-worn identifier at the top of the building. Photoshop or new paint? 


And yes, they have my resume now.

Writers, Get a Job By Updating Your Resume

Job Seekers Who Do Not Meet All Requirements Need Not Apply

It doesn't matter that you can demonstrate award-winning skills in a variety of disciplines. They know exactly what they want in a candidate, and you are not it.

What few job offers that are out there these days have a specific specialist in mind. The days of the creative generalist seem to be winding down. I saw a quote from Tina Brown in the paper today:

"No one I know has a job anymore. They've got Gigs."

In today's "Boys of the Credenza" comic, The Creative Team meets with the Human Resources Director. (Based on an actual ad I found on Career Builder. Click for the big.)

Meanwhile, Back at the Ranch

Casa de Jetpacks sits on a canal near the Wekiva River Conservation Area, so it is not uncommon to encounter all manner of wildlife in the yard and around the neighborhood. Sand hill cranes are regular tenants, as are otters. Lizards, snakes and turtles are of course ubiquitous. Every morning and evening you can spot deer so tame that they just look at you as if you've interrupted their private breakfast or round of cocktails in their reserved room at the club. Hawks are always on the lampposts, and they are always being harassed by smaller birds, but the hawks just sit there cool as hell while being darted at by noisy little pests. The occasional alligator wanders into the yard. Earlier this week I got so tired of an armadillo rooting around in my garage and yard that I dispatched him to Armadillo Hell, where I'm sure all armadillos go upon expiring. And then sometimes we get bear, but only at night when the trash cans are on the street waiting to be emptied the following morning. Until today, that is, when a bold bear decided he'd have a broad daylight lunch of pears from the tree in the yard. The dog followed me out and scared him/her off with some vicious barking that had it been tested, would not have been backed up by any sort of bite. 

Got my copy of Mad Men Unbuttoned today in the mail. (I had already received a galley.) Written by Natasha Vargas-Cooper, it is a complete dissection of the era in which the hit series takes place, as well as THE authoritative history of ad agencies of the time - and just in time for the new season. Copyranter has an entry in there. So does Bad Banana. So do I. Buy it for the fan in your life. Now. (That was a call to action.)

Saw a tweet from Flashman of Sydney this morning. Seems there's a course on media, society and politics at the University of New South Wales that uses one of my Mike Adams cartoons on a handout promoting the course. Cool.

Saw another tweet today from Ad Pulp that announced a contest being put on by BBR Saatchi & Saatchi of Tel Aviv. They call it "The Impossible Brief." They're asking people to solve the Middle East Crisis, since Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush and Obama or any of their staff of career diplomats, or the UN, or Bono, or Madonna, or Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie couldn't. Hell, no one can, can they? Since I'm not doing anything this summer in the way of real work, I took a stab. Frisbee, after all, is universal.

And I will commute weekly to Tel Aviv if that's what it takes to get an ad job in this economy.

Friday is Just Like Any Other Day Lately

Life on the dole is a curious existence. On the one hand, you desperately search for gainful employment, while on the other, you have time to do things you didn't have time for when you were driving one hour one-way to sit in a generic office building in a cube, pumping out copy for taskmasters more suited to pushing a broom in a warehouse than making strategic marketing decisions. (And even then, I'm not sure I would trust them to sweep correctly.) Here's some of what I've been up to.

Presented a series of logos to a Jacksonville-based company, which is funny, because I'm not a designer. They actually loved one and are already using it on their in-development, internal site. I didn't charge them, since they're friends. And yes, I impressed them with the much-maligned (and deservedly so) faded reflection feature. 

Went on a job interview down in Tampa. Met with the lead person, who said, "My team would like to sit with you and discuss some things." In walked 11 people, who proceeded to tell me about the company and pepper me with questions such as, "What superpower do you wish you had?" "What animal would you be?" and "Pirate or Ninja?" (I swear.)

Took delivery of a 50" Sanyo Plasma. (Long story, but it was a prize.) This thing is imposing. Our "old" TV is now in the bedroom, a 42" Sony Bravia. I am now Winston Smith from 1984, trying to escape the giant visages screaming at me about healthcare reform from every room.

Presented a very cool idea to my favorite grocery chain. It was received well and is now being passed up the ladder, where it will likely meet its death in committee. Currently it remains a secret, but if and when they adopt it, I will be its loudest and most constant promoter, to the point that you will say, "I wish he'd shut the hell up about that stupid f-ing grocery chain." I made the pitch in Powerpoint - and yes - I am ashamed of that.

Got an up-close, inside look into how homeowner's insurance works. Basically, you make a claim, based on the recommendation of a professional whose job it is to determine these things, and then you watch as the insurance company spends thousands of dollars to fight your claim. I understand the need on their part to guard against fraudulent claims, but when you approach a long-standing policy holder as someone trying to get one over on you, then you pretty much suck in the customer service area. Are you in good hands? Now there's a feel-good slogan that doesn't mean a damn thing. Fuck you, All-State.

Went to a home-brew party at the neighbors'. They're Americanized Brits, the husband being some sort of mad-scientist for a defense contractor. I think he makes lasers that shoot out of cats' eyes. He also makes a great beer, or three. I came up with about six names for his concoctions with accompanying label designs, which again is funny, because I'm not a designer. But to a physicist like my neighbor, if you're "in advertising," then you can do that thing with The Photoshop, right? And when a physicist tackles a hobby like home-brewing, the results are very impressive. I am pushing him to "Take it to the Next Level!"

Added actual ads to this site. Am I a sell out? Yes, but it doesn't pay off until you have actual traffic. 150 visitors a day is not going to fetch me any serious coin. Also added a "featured video" in the sidebar, which will rotate with stuff from my YouTube account when I get around to it.

I have been living like a European, riding my bike each day to the market and loading up an old child carrier / trailer I found on Craigslist with the day's groceries and the evening's dinner. So far, no stalks of celery or baguettes sticking up out of the bags in that grocery cliché seen in the movies. I'm even using those damned reusable canvas grocery bags. I justify this disgusting transformation in me as "exercise with a purpose." We need groceries and I need exercise. Ya know, two birds. I'm sure people think I'm being "green," when actually I'm just trying to get in shape for the Apocalypse.

It is estimated that as many as 75% of American homes have within them a guitar. Granted, that guitar may be stringless and in the attic, but it is still there. It is also estimated that as many as 80% of all American males have attempted at one time to learn to play the guitar*. I knew how not long ago, but life has a tendency to get in the way of such luxuries. Dusted off the dobro and greased the strings, trying to remember where to put my fingers to make it sing like it used to.

* Both estimates based on pure fantasy with no data to prove them.

Linked-In Recommendations are Bullshit

"Will you write a recommendation for me?"

The very question is whiny by nature. And who will we ask this question of? ONLY people who are going to write over-the-top, nice recommendations for us, of course. I wish Linked-In allowed unsolicited recommendations, good or bad, like say, Amazon and their 1- to 5-star review system, because then I'd have this to say on a few Linked-In profiles. (Please note: I have never worked with a "Mike," to my recollection.)

Worthless Piece of Crap. Walking Proof of Devolution March 11, 2010

By: Jetpacks (Orlando) See all my reviews.

This review is for Mike Smith, Advertiser

Mike is the kind of guy who, if you aren't careful, will try to rape your girlfriend or murder your children if he thinks he can make a dollar from it. I wouldn't trust Mike to pick up my mail and walk my dog were I on vacation. Ineptitude permeates every aspect of Mike's life, from his slovenly appearance to the endless and boring Powerpoint presentations he has managed to turn into a career. The accomplishments Mike lists on his profile are the accomplishments of others. Mike can talk for a solid hour without taking a breath, and also without saying anything of import. Mike sucks beyond my ability to convey, and I only wish I could give him zero stars. Mike should not be employed in any environment where other humans work. He would make an excellent ant farmer or the guy who cleans up dead animals on the roadway.

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It's the Little Things That Keep Them Coming Back

Anyone looking for a job knows all too well that there is no shortage of job sites out there wanting to help. Some are better than others.

Unemployment Will Make A Man Do Weird Things

The last time I was on an extended unemployment stretch, I packed up everything and moved from Missouri to Florida. After I found a room to rent in a weird guy's house, I found a job as a landscaper. Actually, we mainly just cut lawns in the heat. It only lasted for a few months, but I have a tendency to romanticize that brief employment as the best job I ever had. The boss and owner of the company, a former timeshare salesman, was a thick-accented Jersey guy who always had a joint hanging from his lips. After we were done with a yard and it looked exceptionally nice, he'd say, "It's cake!" Or he'd announce as we approached a lawn, "Make it cake, boys!" I came to interpret that direction in a way that is best interpreted by the following diagram:

So, now that I'm unemployed again, I apply for jobs online and send cover letters and resumes to the people who hire people like me, and when I run out of those, I go to the yard and work on some long-neglected corner that needs a cakemaker's touch. Then I come in and check the inbox or send out another query letter for that damned book that keeps collecting rejection letters. Or I'll mess with the design of one of my websites. Sometimes I'll even mess with the whole purpose of one of my websites. And then sometimes I'll just get a really crazy idea like building a mock cake with a landscaping theme.

Click it. It's effing huge.

Admit it. It looks delicious.

Hittin' The Bricks

In lieu of the extra long and bitter post crafted a month and a half ago when I found my job being advertised on Career Builder, (Bilingual? Gimme a break!) I will say only that I'm out there again, ready to do that thing I do, though I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that is.

Meanwhile, take my card.

Spin Your Wheels

Sometimes, you just have to think of it as a job.


The client has a very cumbersome and limiting name. Trouble is, they've been known by this mouthful of a name since 1945. At first, I suggested a simple shortening of the current name, keeping the main element that people know them by. A change was necessary, I argued, but a drastic change would likely alienate a large portion of their base. (Sorry, I'm being vague by necessity.) We were asked to come up with some alternatives. We submitted many, as did a naming/branding company that was paid tens of thousands of dollars. Naturally, the client wanted to see logos and taglines. Same deal. At least a hundred logos. At least 300 tags for the various name possibilities. They kept saying, "Use this word in the tagline. Use this element in the logo. No, give me a synonym for that word. I want to see this in another color."

Last night they held a board meeting in which the final few names would be narrowed down to a winner. After eight months and countless man hours, they elected to shorten their old name.

A colossal waste of time, or just how it works as people justify their bloated salaries and unnecessary positions? Maybe the process was required to show them that they already have an established brand.

Now that a name has been finalized, I expect to be involved in at least 30 meetings where we will listen to a dozen groups of unqualified people assess logos and taglines as they toss around the word "branding" as if they knew what it meant. I'm so looking forward to this.

Cold Call Carl - No. 8

le big

More Cold Call Carl

Cold Call Carl - No. 7

Our boy is out of work, calling on old acquaintances to help him out, hoping to secure that elusive job that requires he do nothing more than talk a good line of crap.

For the Big

More Cold Call Carl

Note to Self

Mucho mas grande para posting en tu cubicle

You Know That Recession They Talk About?

It's real. A bunch of people got their walking papers this morning here in CubeWorld^TM. Artists, writers, production managers, web designers and account execs—gone. It sucks to watch them pack their stuff and say their goodbyes. Most of them were gone by the time I got in today, but a few can still be heard over the cube walls, packing boxes and doing their best to make light of the circumstance.

I'm told their benefits expire at midnight tonight. What a bite. On the bright side, they were treated to a last meal. Here's this morning's message from our department blog.

I think we should all band together and start an agency. With the talent that walked out of here today, you could build a pretty good shop. I get first dibs on the position of agency blogger. Oh, and I know how to start an agency.

Local Losers Only

The local Ad Fed, in association with some other PR and marketing groups, is putting together what they call "The Ultimate Mixer" tomorrow evening in downtown Orlando. Drinks, food, exchanging of business cards, talking about the ROI of Direct Mail, SPAM, etc.

I don't like these things, but I'll be there, current circumstances dictating. If you're looking for a writer (freelance or full time) or perhaps a VP of Blogging, bring your offer and a picture of my expansive future office. (Or if you're just an Orlando ad hack like me and you want to talk about all these loser ad hacks surrounding us, that'll work, too.)

I'll be the guy in the corner building little houses out of swizzle sticks and cocktail napkins. I'll be handing out these cards.(If you aren't in these parts and you believe in the power of technology to unite distant collaborators, shoot me an e.)

Finding My Calling at Monster

Monster doesn't see their site as some sort of resume posting place. They are out to help you find your "calling." ("Why were you over at Monster during work hours, Dave?" I was checking on their current campaign is all.) To help illustrate the "calling" concept, they have provided within their Flash intro some funny pictures of people who found their callings. We have Rubik Rasta Buddha Aficionado, Young Unblemished Mechanic Girl and Preppy Fabulous Baker Boy. I'm not sure what the young man at top does in his retro three-piece suit and nice office, but he has a Mac, so it's obviously a cool job. And mechanic girl had best be warned: you're in for some serious sexual harassment in that environment. (Is that a BMW 2002 on the rack to the right? Baby, let me check your points, fix your overdrive.)

I can't find the job - er, calling - I was looking for: Unedited Writer of Whatever I Want. Which is why I have this blog.

Casual Friday

click it
click it good













Looking back over the life of this blog, I'm apparently quite fond of the picture of the mentoring old man and his suck-up crew of chumps. Here are previous editions of what from now on will be called...I don't know yet. Maybe that's what they work on in the next edition.

Your Company Blog Bites
SoCal Media
The Olympics Logo
Social Media Strategy Session
A Cracker Barrel of Diversity
George Parker as the Man Behind the Desk
Smoke and Mirrors
When Creatives Were Suits