Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Submitted for Banning - With Footnotes

These things:
While we're at it, let's get rid of silhouettes of your child/teenager's sport, with their name (invariably "Ashleigh" or "Hunter") underneath.1 Also, (respectfully) might we consider getting rid of tributes to Dale Earnhardt on the back of your car/truck/SUV?2

I predict that in the future, people will simply have their twitter handle on the back of their car, so you can message them while driving down the highway: "@jetpacks: saw you getting pulled over this morning on I4 by cop on motorcycle.3 Too bad you're not a chick and couldn't cry your way out of ticket4. Haha!"

1. Attention American Parents with Sports-Playing Kids:
It's the family car, not a shrine to your overindulged child.


2. Attention Dale Earnhardt Fans:
He's dead. I'm sorry. What is your point?

3. Attention Motorcycle Cop on I4 This Morning: Thanks for the ticket. I will definitely heed your advice and start driving 55.

4. Attention Angry Feminists:
Please keep in mind that most women have at least one story of getting out of a ticket, whereas few men do.

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10 Comments:

  • Can we also ban Calvin pissing on anything?

    By Blogger phillybikeboy, at March 25, 2009 at 3:23 PM  

  • PBB: No question. Calvin must go - including Calvin kneeling before the cross.

    By Blogger RFB, at March 25, 2009 at 3:25 PM  

  • Those sports stickers are also like open invitations to pedophiles.

    By Blogger Thinking In Vain, at March 25, 2009 at 3:57 PM  

  • I agree - also ban the variation that uses skulls & crossbones as the family - I will never think a skull & crossbones with a bow is cute. Ever.

    On a side note - what is the customary length of time to display an "In Loving Memory of..." decal? Maybe it's time to bust out the razor blade when it reads "In ov g Mem". I think at that point you're saying..."I've pretty much forgotten about you & this decal."

    By Blogger Jamie, at March 25, 2009 at 3:57 PM  

  • It’s like a Bud Real Men of feature.

    My all-time #1: Too many stuffed animals in rear window lady.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 25, 2009 at 6:39 PM  

  • Here's to you, too many stuffed animals in the rear window lay-ay-day.

    By Blogger RFB, at March 25, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

  • What about the peeps that display a fish for every member of the family?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 25, 2009 at 7:34 PM  

  • Dirtsister: Or a pair of flip-flops. (Florida version.)

    By Blogger RFB, at March 25, 2009 at 7:39 PM  

  • And while you're at it, don't forget the gun racks in the back of pick-ups, and the set of fake (I hope they are) balls hanging from the trailer hitch.
    Oh, yeah...welcome to Hooterville!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at March 25, 2009 at 10:59 PM  

  • All excellent suggestions, though I'd forgive all of them if it meant those stupid hanging balls were no longer in existence.

    By Anonymous Sara, at March 28, 2009 at 11:46 AM  

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