Alec Baldwin, Master of Damage Control

Thanks to everyone who has shown such wonderful support in this trying time as I deal with a certain unnamed psychotic and evil woman who hasn't had a role in a movie since Door in the Floor with Jeff Bridges, and who is always referred to in the press as having won an Oscar for a movie she did ten years ago. When they start talking about your career highlight being ten years old, you're pretty much a has-been, baby. I'm currently starring in a very successful sitcom on NBC. Also, I've hosted SNL more times than anyone in history. I was also in The Good Shepherd and The Departed, two very successful, and I might add, recent films.

I am deeply sorry for the way in which I behaved toward my daughter in that voicemail message everyone has heard, which a certain unnamed evil washed-up actress released to the media, even though she says she didn't, proving once again what I've been saying from the start; that some people are just liars and pathologically incapable of behaving correctly, and unable to recognize their own insanity.

I was wrong to have lashed out at my wonderful daughter, but as anyone who knows me will attest, I have lived in a virtual Hell for the last six years, while one of Satan's favorite minions, a certain unnamed blonde bimbo hacktress, has tormented me and alienated my child from me.

Once my book is published, I'm sure more people will understand the incredible strains created by parental alienation. It's a very real condition and practiced especially skillfully by a certain unnamed, insecure, worthless piece of crap and poor excuse for a mother who lives in LA with my daughter.

Do I have anger issues? I confess, I do. But you would too if you spent nearly 10 years with a certain unnamed lying psychotic bitch who then divorced you and drags your name through the mud at every opportunity, all the while pretending to play the caring, protective mother while she keeps your daughter from you. This is textbook parental alientation. And just between you and me - the sex wasn't that good.

In the meantime, I'm sorry to anyone who's taken offense from this episode.

(His real response is here)