Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Submitted for Banning - With Footnotes

These things:
While we're at it, let's get rid of silhouettes of your child/teenager's sport, with their name (invariably "Ashleigh" or "Hunter") underneath.1 Also, (respectfully) might we consider getting rid of tributes to Dale Earnhardt on the back of your car/truck/SUV?2

I predict that in the future, people will simply have their twitter handle on the back of their car, so you can message them while driving down the highway: "@jetpacks: saw you getting pulled over this morning on I4 by cop on motorcycle.3 Too bad you're not a chick and couldn't cry your way out of ticket4. Haha!"

1. Attention American Parents with Sports-Playing Kids:
It's the family car, not a shrine to your overindulged child.

2. Attention Dale Earnhardt Fans:
He's dead. I'm sorry. What is your point?

3. Attention Motorcycle Cop on I4 This Morning: Thanks for the ticket. I will definitely heed your advice and start driving 55.

4. Attention Angry Feminists:
Please keep in mind that most women have at least one story of getting out of a ticket, whereas few men do.

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