Sunday, May 17, 2009

Colored Spectacles

It's nearly summertime, so it's time for the fashion boutiques to sell you "eyewear," better known as sunglasses. Saw this ad today and it made me cringe, so I had to caption it.

And if you go to the Bottega Veneta website and can actually find the sunglasses, (pages 78-79) you'll find the exclusive phrasing, "Price available upon request," which is not-so-secret code for, "You asked, which means you can't afford them."

I have been a picky sunglasses shopper in years past, but I finally found a maker in American Optical that are affordable and rugged. Problem is they aren't stocked at the mall or found in boutiques. You can find them at Army Navy stores or on military bases for about $40. Or online at American Optical's very bad website for much more. Come to think of it, J. Peterman sells them with a name change to "Fort Knox Sunglasses."

Anyway, I'm looking at that ad above and wondering how much it cost. I'm sure Lord and Lady Douche there don't work for less than a thousand a day, minimum. Then you've got your lighting director, your director of photography, your photographer's assistant, your creative director, studio fee or location fee, agency hangers-on just hanging on and makeup and hair people. I'll bet it took two days to get that stupid shot and cost about as much as the average American makes in a year.

So I took my AO's outside (I'm going to start calling them "AO's" to up the cool factor) and set them by the pool and created a couple of better ads in about five minutes.

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  • Don't forget, the corollary to "If you have to ask, you can't afford it" is, "If you won't tell me, it's not really worth it."

    By Blogger phillybikeboy, at May 18, 2009 at 10:13 PM  

  • There are only four types of worthwhile sunglasses;

    1) Jackie O's - self explanatory, a good set is the most expensive

    2) Lizard King's - the mirror aviators worn by Jim Morrison on the ORIGINAL cover of "American Prayer"

    3) Elwood's - the cheap sunglasses patterned after what JFK wore and commercialized by the Blues Brothers.

    4) the Ray-Bans worn by Uncle Duke, too expensive to be just a set of shades; they must be worn always or they'll be lost for sure

    After moving to the Tampa area all I can find are the accessories to the "Cracker Helmut"; camo baseball cap with NASCAR wrap arounds on top.

    The Pale Scot

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at May 24, 2009 at 7:30 PM  

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