I Have a Dream...
...of an office environment where trust is a given - and juice thieves are punished.
Was it yours? No. I brought it in this morning. Did you look over your shoulder as you snatched it from the shelf in the 'fridge? Was it weird walking away from the kitchen with it in your hand? It must've been. Were you just overcome with an uncontrollable urge to drink pineapple juice? Or was it just an uncontrollable urge to grab something that wasn’t yours? Is it simple kleptomania or are you dealing with deeper issues of trust and betrayal? Do you cheat on your taxes? Do you cheat on your significant other? Or maybe you are just so poor here in CubeWorld™ that you can’t afford your own 35¢ can of pineapple juice? If that’s the case, I’ll start bringing in an extra one for you. Just ask next time.
What's the word for bewildered disbelief? Something like, "Faaaawk!"
Previously in The Office Refrigerator Thief
Was it yours? No. I brought it in this morning. Did you look over your shoulder as you snatched it from the shelf in the 'fridge? Was it weird walking away from the kitchen with it in your hand? It must've been. Were you just overcome with an uncontrollable urge to drink pineapple juice? Or was it just an uncontrollable urge to grab something that wasn’t yours? Is it simple kleptomania or are you dealing with deeper issues of trust and betrayal? Do you cheat on your taxes? Do you cheat on your significant other? Or maybe you are just so poor here in CubeWorld™ that you can’t afford your own 35¢ can of pineapple juice? If that’s the case, I’ll start bringing in an extra one for you. Just ask next time. What's the word for bewildered disbelief? Something like, "Faaaawk!"
Previously in The Office Refrigerator Thief
Labels: corporate America, corporate culture, cubicles, Dole pineapple juice, thieves
Sent into orbit at
1:06 PM
6 Comments:
Here's an idea. Continue to bring cans, but pee on their tops first. One might come to enjoy their theft and the thief's consumption of them after that....
(And if he or she is reading this now: you'll never know now, will you, if that's a peed-on can or not?)
By
Anonymous, at March 12, 2008 at 4:07 PM
Pineapple juice sounds so refreshing right now, especially with a splash of vodka.
Remember when some nimrod ate my pie that I had planned to use for a prop?
I felt so violated.
By
Anonymous, at March 12, 2008 at 5:18 PM
My sister had her V8 juice stolen the other day. Writing your name all over it doesn't help either.
I'm not sure I could convince her to pee on her V8 juice though.
Scum. I hope you see his karma - and that it is satisfying.
By
Thinking In Vain, at March 12, 2008 at 6:03 PM
wow! i could've stolen a v8!
By
HighJive, at March 12, 2008 at 9:55 PM
There is some eerie cosmic shit going on here, 'Packs. I just posted a piece on how to eat lunch for free at work, totally unawares to your antithetical rant on here.
Guess what number I'm thinking about right now.
By
M.M. McDermott, at March 20, 2009 at 5:34 PM
SEVEN!
By
RFB, at March 20, 2009 at 7:47 PM
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