Let's Just Get an Employee to Voice The Spot

I like to listen to the radio in the car. Almost any kind of radio. I even get a kick out of stupid radio that completely messes with my senses, like Sean Hannity, because it's good to know how people who think they are deep thinkers really think. I suppose I could better use my commuting time learning a foreign language on CD, but then I'd be that guy you see in your rearview mirror talking to himself as I repeated after the instructor, "¿Cuántas cervezas antes de usted consiguen desnudas?" (Go ahead, take that phrase to your favorite translation site.)

I have done voiceovers and I have directed voiceovers, and I think I know good talent when I hear it. I've been wrong before. I once convinced a TV studio director to read for a spot because she had a very smooth and attractive voice. In front of the mic with a script, she froze up and sounded like a 3rd grader just learning to read big books without pictures.

So recently I was listening to a local show that makes me laugh some mornings and a spot came on voiced by a guy with the coolest Southern accent. It wasn't Redneck Southern, but had that Virginia/Carolina refinement to it, where the word "dollar" becomes dolluh and "help" is a charming "hep." The voice belonged to this man, Ashton Ritchie. He wasn't the best voiceover talent, in fact his voice was a little high-pitched and he sounded slightly nervous, but there was an honesty in his voice that made me believe in the product he was selling, Scotts Bonus S Weed and Feed for Southern Lawns. Ritchie is apparently an employee of The Scotts Company in Ohio and understands the deep mysteries of suburban lawn care.

I know many urbanites who scoff at lawns, but houses often come with yards that require attention. Being a homeowner with a yard that tends to try to die every year, I bought a bag of the stuff based on Ritchie's seemingly honest endorsement. It was some ridiculous kind of expensive, so I took care to apply it to my front lawn in exactly the manner indicated on the bag.

The man wasn't lying. Shit works. Crazy works. My lawn looks like it responded to a spam email for Lawn Enhancement. It is strong, firm and long-lasting. All the ladies in the town are impressed by it's length, girth and stamina. My lawn is no longer embarrassed by its small size. It is now powerful and able to please through the night. My lawn has confidence.

Mowing season has started down here and the front lawn is on grass steroids. Thanks, Mr. Southern Gentleman Lawn Care Dude, but now I'm afraid to apply Scotts to the backyard.