I've Found The Secret

Having deluded myself into thinking I've written a really good book, I'm now facing the harsh reality of literary agents having zero interest in it. I do my research and make sure I'm sending to the right types of agents, but for the most part, their comments can be summed up as, "Not for me, but thanks for thinking of me. Good luck and keep trying. And sorry about this form letter." It's the market, I've decided. (It's easier for a writer to think that than to think that his/her writing is simply crappy, unsellable dross.)

Here's what I should've written.