Books Where You Actually Turned the Pages Made from Real Paper

I was looking around for something to read, bored out of my mind by some Sinclair Lewis novel I downloaded for free from the Gutenberg Project, when I noticed that someone in the house had removed an old Time-Life book from the bookshelf in the dining room so they might employ it as a mousepad for some murderous game played on a laptop while sitting on the couch eating Goldfish and watching Family Guy. That's the level of respect we have for books these days, They're mousepads. These old Time-Life books, a series called "The Old West", belonged to my wife's father, and they've done nothing but collect dust since the turn of the century and well before that, I'm sure. And it was not with purposeful disrespect that the person in question decided it made a good mousepad, but a careful study of its smooth, leather-ish exterior determined it had the right reflective properties and gripping strength to be used for something. What are those stupid decorations in the dining room all about? The things with the paper inside them that look like perfect laptop mousepads?

And now I'm reading them. I feel like I'm getting the quality middle-school education I carelessly neglected all those years ago, too concerned was I with skipping class and trying to make girls pay attention to me. And the books are full of pictures, too, which is perfect for a wandering mind like mine. Here's the commercial that advertised this expensive set of volumes when it was newish.

Thank you, spoiled 21st Century child who thought this made the perfect mousepad for your gaming pleasure. Alas, I was just like you when I was your age, and never would've thought these books were good for anything, unless someone had told me they had pictures of naked Native Americans in them.

We Escaped The Oil Spill, So IN YOUR FACE, Louisiana!

In the game of vacation destination advertising, you take every advantage you can get, even if that means you have to kick another destination when it's down. And covered in thick, black goop.
 
All over the West Coast of Florida, tourism boards are trying to convince travelers that, "There ain't no oil here!" Fort Myers / Sanibel made a nice effort with your standardly glib host riffing as he walks along the beach. This was "Day One" of their 9-day "Still Pristine" effort to woo the Gulf-visiting vacationer. They even did a "behind the scenes!" video, where the producer explains that "this has never been done before in the history of television!"



I heard a radio spot where a very, very sad sounding female voiceover said that, "Our hearts go out to the victims of the Gulf oil spill." Then she very smoothly transitioned into beach pitch-lady and offered to show you her very unaffected beaches. I'm about sick of the "Our hearts go out to," line. Much like, "Our thoughts and prayers go out to..." it's complete bullshit. It means simply, "Hey, sucks to be you!" (I hate it so much that it's a recurring, minor theme in my unpublished book. Literary agents, ping me.)

Granted, no one is out-and-out saying, "Our beaches are better than theirs," but the implication is there. So if you do vacation on the beaches of Fort Myers/ Sanibel, be a good sport and raise a glass one beautiful evening to the poor saps up the coast who didn't fare so well.

An Opinionated, Sexy History Book for Those Who Hate Studying

A dazzling pop-culture history of the 1960s. [Natasha Vargas-Cooper’s] zeal for detail is unparalleled. This is an opinionated, sexy history book for those who hate studying.  Penthouse

[Vargas-Cooper] focuses on advertising, design, film, literature, politics, sex, style and the workplace in order to probe ‘the most dramatic cultural shift in the 20th century’...the definitive companion book for the series.”
Publishers Weekly

Natasha-Vargas Cooper nails the 1960s and the ad industry during this fascinating era. A good, fast, joyful read.
Nina DiSesa, Chairman, McCann New York

Above illustration by Bernie Fuchs, an iconic artist of the Mad Men era. I knew little of him prior to contributing to Natasha's book, but now I understand why his drawings and paintings were considered so groundbreaking. I was privileged to write a short essay on the image below.

In other self-serving "I Wrote Something" news, see that Anthony Bourdain image to your right? Click on it to read my answer to the challenge, "What Does it Mean to Cook Well?" a silly essay contest to promote Bourdain's new book. I know how to start the grill and get the steak or chicken off before it burns, but I'm all about the $10,000 prize money, so vote for me.

Mad Men - Unbuttoned

Mad Men Unbuttoned is, according to the publisher,  "a reader's companion to the show, a discursive look at American history during the mid century, and tasty eye candy." But that description doesn't really cut it. I'll try to do you one better.

The book is by journalist and advertising fan Natasha Vargas-Cooper, formerly the main voice behind Public School Intelligentsia, one of my favorite blogs before it was put out to pasture. She has written for Gawker and Huffington Post, among other publications, and is now a frequent contributor to The Awl. She is also, and this is putting it mildly, a serious student of Mad Men. Better yet, she is the professor of Mad Men. This book should be a textbook in advertising schools, but even for a casual fan of the show, it's a thoughtful journey into the transformative era in which the show takes place, covering everything from decor to literature, politics to sex. As an example of the depth of NVC's research (and an example of her out-of-control obsession with the show), she has an entry in here on what drives Sally Draper's grade school teacher to be such an idealist and why she bothers to attempt to get to the bottom of Sally's "acting out," citing books of the era that influenced young teachers. She even explains why Bert Cooper's office is decorated in an Asian theme. I just thought he was an eccentric old coot. After reading just a few entries, you get a better sense of how carefully crafted Mad Men is, revealing layers of the show that might otherwise appear superficial.

But what book about Mad Men would be complete without full-page color ads from the era, and bunches of them? It is also a history of the theories of advertising, and of the ad giants behind those theories, from Burnett to Ogilvy. I was honored to have been asked to write a short essay about a Bernie Fuchs illustration for the book. I got my galley in the mail yesterday. I'm looking forward to reading what @natashavc has put together. I just started it and have already come across a quote from the man behind Copyranter and an essay by Tim Siedell, better known as Bad Banana.

If you like the show, pre-order the book. If you know a fan of the show, buy it for them. If you teach advertising, make all of your students read it. In the author's words, it is for Mad Men fans, design junkies, history buffs and pop-culture enthusiasts. I'm sure you fall into at least one of those categories.

I've Found The Secret

Having deluded myself into thinking I've written a really good book, I'm now facing the harsh reality of literary agents having zero interest in it. I do my research and make sure I'm sending to the right types of agents, but for the most part, their comments can be summed up as, "Not for me, but thanks for thinking of me. Good luck and keep trying. And sorry about this form letter." It's the market, I've decided. (It's easier for a writer to think that than to think that his/her writing is simply crappy, unsellable dross.)

Here's what I should've written.

My Ideal Business Card

One of my first friends in the "social media space" was Fred Leo, known to Twitter users as @everysandwich. Fred asked me to do a short VO for him last week. Since it was raining today and any outdoor plans got scrubbed, I sat down and knocked it out. It was fun and reminded me I need to get back to that kind of work one of these days. But I also need to write more songs. And get a giant trailer full of cool lawn gear and do some anonymous guerrilla landscaping. Maybe get back into the podcasting game. And mass produce a cheap land paddle. And sell a novel. And write another one. And other stuff.

One of these days.

Pulp Fiction Springing From the Pages

If you like photography, if you like 3D, if you like nostalgia, if you like Americana, if you like books, if you have a half a brain and a computer and are able to click on this link, then you will like what you see.

Found via Twitter from @everysandwich.

Randomly Scratching Away

As I mentioned when I started to write this book, blogging might take a back seat. I thought I would write about 80,000 words, but I just passed 82K and the story isn't over yet. I have one final climactic scene to finish and then the wind down. Probably come in just shy of 100K when it's done. So, that's why I have been a negligent blogger lately.

If anyone knows a literary agent or is in the publishing world, here's a synopsis:

A newcomer to town, a stranger living in an Airstream at the local campground, visits a megachurch in America’s Midwest. His arrival portends the rapid meltdown of a prominent and fast-growing ministry under the leadership of Dan Jackson, the gifted pastor of Oak Canyon Church. Beginning with the murder/suicide of the music minister at the weekly staff meeting by her naked and disturbed husband, the church’s slide has only started, an empire falling.

When you’re the biggest and the boldest, the loudest and the proudest, people want to take you down.

“Why do they love to see us fall?” Dan asked God.

“Because you set yourself up so high,” he replied.

The church as a business, a military operation, a fortress under siege. A picture of America. An American parallel.

Let's see if there's anything to this social media stuff I keep hearing about.

The main character has a Twitter account, which he uses periodically in the book. Starting in July, when the book takes place, he will be tweeting the book in real time.

And the website is here.

Should be back to a normal, non-obsessed blogger soon.

Been A Lame Blogger Lately

I started writing a book on Sunday, and I'm trying to keep up a pace of about 2,000 words a day. I hope to be done in a month or so. In the meantime, blogging may take a backseat. I'll still be posting, though not likely with the frequency at which I'm used to. I have no idea where the book is going, which is half the fun and half the challenge. But I'm enjoying the hell out of it.

I got to thinking about how much I blog, and while I enjoy it a great deal, it all just goes away. "Ephemera," as my friends at Public School Intelligentsia call it. So I decided to write something that might last a little longer; longer than some old blog post that gets buried in the archives, to be pulled up at random when someone searches for Land O Lakes Butter Trick or Amtrak Sucks, two of my most trafficked posts here. Longer-lasting also than the throwaway ads, brochures or web copy I write for a living.I've always advised creatives to keep something on the side that no one has a say in. Paint, write, take pictures, draw, sculpt or play music. If all your creativity is spent working for your clients, you can learn to hate your gifts. That's why I started blogging. Now I'm going to take my own advice a little further. The best part about writing this book (aside from the freedom to create with no other goal than to entertain) is that there's no one telling me it's wrong or that the call to action isn't strong enough.

So, if anyone comes across this post by accident, likes my writing style and is also a literary agent (or knows one) hit me up and we'll talk about my forthcoming novel. It has very little to do with advertising and marketing, though they play minor roles. It is rated R for occasional adult language, sparse graphic violence and a little nudity. It's a good story. The first of many. (And yes, I got ahead of myself and created the jacket image above.)

Eventually, I want to live on an island like Graham Greene and write a mere 350 words a day after I've gone swimming in the Mediterranean and drank a few cocktails. Then I'll look them over in the evening, edit them a little before dinner and then go to a show. When my publisher calls once a week, I'll say, "You need to stop pressuring me, man. This shit doesn't write itself, you know. And I'm almost out of Elijah Craig, so why don't you get on that and gimme a break. And by the way, I want a clause in the next contract stating that under no circumstances will Keanu Reeves play a character from any of my books if they are optioned for film."

And no, my name is not Jack, but my middle name is John, and I understand that Jack is often a nickname for John, (though that never made sense to me) so that's my pen name this time around.

Write What You Know

Over and Over Again (Ad from Facebook)

I'll go out on a limb here and guess that Mr. Grisham's new book features a promising young lawyer who lands a job at a prestigious law firm. It will be set in the South. The lawyer will have morals that he finds compromised by the firm and/or the case to which he has been assigned. He does not talk to his father, who is also a lawyer. He will have to go it alone in his fight for justice, with the help of a magical old black man and a hot paralegal who wants his bones. In the end, the old southern corruption will be beaten and the young lawyer will make off with giant piles of cash, say goodbye to the magic old black man and take a leave from practicing law to drink beer in the Keys with the paralegal. On the way, he will stop by his father's giant southern mansion (which he hasn't set foot in since he left for Duke/Ole Miss/Tulane) to give the nurses some money to take better care of him.

When the book goes to film (hopefully straight to DVD) it will star Matthew McConaughey, on whom Grisham has a secret man-crush.

Yawn...Another Jetpack Book

I'm joking, it might not be a snoozer. I haven't read it yet, but I'm quoted in it. Here is a review of the book from Time. (Click the image above to buy it from Amazon.)

The author, a NYC freelancer, contacted me months ago asking a few questions. According to him, my contribution to the book goes as follows:

Intrigued, I instant messaged with the site's operator, a man whose screen name is jetpackjockey.
Me: so...you're really into jetpacks. so am i.
Two minutes later, jetpackjockey responded: it's more of a joke about what they said would be "in the future"
Me: and nothing says future like a jetpack, right?
Jetpackjockey: absolutely
Me: what is the allure?
Jetpackjockey: I think there is a general disillusionment among people who grew up with a futuristic fantasy—a feeling like we got ripped off almost—nothing's changed and the world is going to hell faster than ever.

So if you're reading this blog thanks to Mac Montandon's new book, welcome. I hope you don't expect lots of talk about jetpacks here. Sure, I'd love a jetpack someday, but this isn't really about pursuing that dream. My last statement in that IM pretty well sums up this blog. It's your basic culture trashing and disaffected ranting about random stuff, with the occasional homemade comic thrown in. I probably focus most on my chosen profession, advertising. You'll also find a bit of political and religious humor that's often not funny at all. Let me again quote an esteemed Australian professor of philosophy, who summed it up this way:

[Where's My Jetpack?] "...disrupts the everyday and the opinionated links we make between words (& art & music) and experience; the links that speak as if the world were easily translatable into a common language and experience that we all share."

And I still have no idea what that means.

Congratulations on the publishing, Mac, and I look forward to reading it. One of these days.