Thursday, February 11, 2010

And on The Seventh Day, You Will Get Your Ass Up and Work

Under the job title of "Federal Emergency Relief Contractors / Special Project in South Florida," I found an intriguing call for "Cooks, Dishwashers, Food service workers, Shower operators (sanitizing showers and refilling supplies), Laundry workers, General maintenance people, Administrative assistants, Machine Operators, Project Managers (this is a higher skilled position), Janitors, Laborer, Grounds Maintenance, Washer, Machine Appliance Mechanic, General Maintenance Worker, Laborer, Driver Courier, Parking and Lot Attendant, Shuttle Bus Driver, Truck driver, Light, Truck driver, Medium, Truck driver, Heavy and Truck driver, Tractor-Trailer."

The best part of the ad was this paragraph:

Workers are expected to do any tasks assigned and work 7 days/week, 12 hour/ day – 40 hours regular time pay and 44 hours overtime pay. They must provide their own transportation to and from the work-site, and will be provided shelter, and all meals. This commitment could be up to 6 weeks or more. Workers will be paid the prevailing wage designated for each area.

So this thing is like bootcamp, or prison, except you get paid. It could also double as a sort of in-patient weight-loss or detox program and stop-smoking clinic, I'd bet.

If I was a Fox Newser, I'd cry out against the socialist nature of this Nazi Work Camp. If I was an MSNBCer, I'd glory in the Peace Corps/New Deal aspect of it all. As an unemployed writer, I see it as a story and two paychecks. Six weeeks of 84-hour weeks and free meals? Maybe a bunch of stories. I'd embed on this one.

I'm gonna apply for Laborer, Grounds Maintenance.

Rolling Stone? The Atlantic?

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  • While performing the duties of this position, the employee is required to walk, stand, use hands to finger, handle or feel; reach with hands and arms climb or balance; stoop, kneel, crouch or crawl and talk and hear. Regularly required to sit or stand, reach, bend and move about the facility.

    You might remember these requirements from a former employer. Heavy emphasis on using the finger.

    By Anonymous dirtsister, at February 11, 2010 at 7:09 PM  

  • DS: Sadly, a monkey could accomplish these things. Which was your point, wasn't it?

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at February 11, 2010 at 11:31 PM  

  • Thinking of getting a grant to create a documentary of it? I'd say $200,000 should cover it. I mean, you have to buy a flip cam or Zi8, plus spend time in imovie. And then there's travel for all the promotional interviews. Also consider a "Get fit with Labor!" video series.

    By Anonymous everysandwich, at February 12, 2010 at 9:08 AM  

  • Genius, sandwich. Keep 'em coming. Or be my agent.

    Get Fit with Labor! I can see it easily. I hope they issue us really short gym shorts from the 1950s with matching tank tops. Black Chuck Taylors. Shoot it in B&W with a newsreel VO guy.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at February 12, 2010 at 9:13 AM  

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