The Depression is ON!

Disney has historically reported large profits even when everyone around them is failing. So you know times are bad when Disney is offering buyouts to 600 of its executives.

"The parks and resorts division is in the process of implementing a number of initiatives to contain costs and maximize efficiency," Disney parks and resort spokeswoman Leslie Goodman said. "Given the continued uncertainty of the economic environment, we must manage our business even more productively."

That's Disneyspeak for "We aren't going to make as many billions this quarter as we thought we might."

So now I finally understand that mysterious Nostradamus quatrain:

Two days from the Big Hope
three-score hundred leaders shall leave forever the Kingdom
and move back to the Midwest
where their buyout packages will buy nicer homes

Why This Depression Will Be Cooler Than The Last One

This one will be live-blogged, tweeted, facebooked and texted. All of your friends getting laid off and looking for work are telling you about it in real time.

Back then, in the Sucky Great Depression, you'd have to wait months for Johnny out in Nebraska to scrape together 2¢ to find a stamp and an envelope. Then he scratched his bad news on a spent matchbook with a gnawed-down rat bone and sent it to you in the mail. By the time you heard Johnny was at the end of his rope, he'd probably already hanged himself. At least now we can say, "Hey, now! Chin up, Johnny! Life's not so bad! There's a breadline I just Googled not 5 minutes from where you are right now. I'll text ahead and save you a loaf."

You'll know it's really bad when your friends don't tweet, email or IM anymore.

The Fundmentals of Our Economy are Strong

So quit your whining, ya big babies. It's all in your heads. Fear and Greed brought us this far, and they won't let us down this time. But now is no time for fear. Get greedy.

It's also called "consumer confidence."