Workplace Motivational Poster

Click for bigger. I think Steve Jobs would be proud.

The Skills You Kids are Losing

A one-off, most likely. (Click for the cubicle-hanging size.)

This is Exactly What iGoogle Is to Me

Having all my toys in one place when I open a browser has proven a bad thing, as I am so easily distracted by the colors and sounds. Then again, if it keeps me from throwing fits and acting like a baby, softly cooing in that docile way the boss appreciates, maybe it's not so bad.

Bring me some smashed peas and carrots.

Once a Year, Whether I Need it or Not

I am in the habit of getting a haircut once every year, sometimes I'll wait two. So recently I have been, shall we say, a bit shaggy. On a whim (as it always happens) I took off at lunch not long ago and did the deed. Minus sideburns, I’d pass in most military outfits now. (OK, maybe only the European ones.) But I’m beginning to rethink my once-a-year haircut policy, as it always sends people into “don’t know what to say” mode. The following are actual workplace comments from people amused and/or confused by encountering the clean-cut version of me.

• Oh, no! What have you done?
• Who the hell are you?
• Whoa!
  
• You cut your hair.
• That’s different. Very aerodynamic.
• Did you get a haircut?
• You like your hair like that?
• Summer haircut! Summer haircut!

And it's comments like those that convince me to grow it out for another year.

Need a Day or Two at the Beach?

Mike's Hard Lemonade is on your side, slackers looking to ditch work.

Nick Moy of Rasianen Creative sent me this "victim video" for Mike's Hard Lemonade, featuring Nick. You can, of course, make your own. Simply forward to your friends at work, who will tell your boss, "Wow! Poor [insert your name here] Look what we found! Guess s/he won't be coming in for a couple of days."

The next improvement in this sort of technology needs to be having the newscaster actually speak your name.

Workplace Distractions

A laptop serves as my main computer at work (with an attached monitor, keyboard and mouse, as I hate laptop keyboards and touch pads.) The laptop's video card is incapable of accommodating an added monitor as an extension, it merely mirrors the same display. That is distracting. You might say, "Close it partially to the point just before it powers off." Tried that. Distracting. So I covered the display with my copy-holder-clip-thing. Boring. So I took a picture of the thing and made a picture in a picture in a picture in some sort of Dali-Escher absinthe-fueled infinity-nightmare and stuck it in the copy holder. Distracting.

Alt + Tab as Fast as You Can

Occasionally it is required in CubeWorld^TM that we get up and visit another cube to talk something over with a colleague. As I walk up and down the aisles, I watch as screens quickly shift back to work-related stuff when the cube occupants hear footsteps or see shadows. They're always a second too late. There's the young designer who enjoys celebrity gossip and is always minimizing a movie or TV site. There's the Long Island transplant obsessed with all things Yankees, exiting to a production spreadsheet when I approach. We have a Brit proofreader who is very active on eBay. One of my fellow writers has an amusing attachment to Barbies and can be caught leaving his favorite Barbie forum where he is responding to his fellow collectors.

Just leave the window up. It's better than looking guilty. Share what you're looking at with whomever happens to wander in. We all do it, so quit pretending to be working when someone approaches. You'll get your work done. We trust you. It's OK to have fun once in a while.