The Obamas Are Your New Ideal

A kind reader sent me this banner, in which you are encouraged to get your nasty, flabby arms in shape. How will you do that? By visiting Kim's Diet Plan (dot com). Apparently Kim is the one accosting everyone with images of her plumpness.

Kim wants to sell you some berries and clean your colon, which will make you have arms like Michelle Obama's. Presumably, she will also show you how to suck in your stomach. Kim lives in a nearby town, according to her website, unless her website is lying to me and filling in a different town name for every visitor, based on IP. But I don't think Kim would do that.

Kim's banners reminded me of the series of banners featuring ladies exercising because President Obama wants moms to go to school. The first one I saw was a women doing violent sit-ups. Then I saw two ladies in a gym boxing. Here's the latest.

A video of two women doing jumping jacks on the beach feels disconnected from the goal of getting moms to finish college, but what do I know? Dancing gay cowboys was a huge hit for lowermybills.com. And even they changed horses and got on the Obama gravy train.

The goal, banner designers, is to get attention, like the lowest form of humor: slapstick. The banner ad doesn't need to have anything at all to do with whatever it is you're selling. Allow me to demonstrate.

Let's imagine a product or service. I know! Printer cartridges! Here's how we will sell them in a banner ad.


Maybe that was a cheap shot. OK. I'll try again.

You Don't Know What You've Got 'Till It's Gone

Remember all the creepy Dancing Banners for Lowermybills.com? They were pretty awesome in hindsight. Jennifer Uhll, creator of the ads, stopped by Where's My Jetpack not long ago to defend her work. She was very nice in the face of people commenting not only that they hated her and her 80s big hair, but that she should burn in Hell for what she did for banner ads.

I miss Jennifer's work now, because here's the latest from Lower My Bills, found at the New York Post. A tarantula climbs a woman's breast in this animation. When it reaches her shoulder, she convulses in cartoonish horror. Wow. Where do I sign the loan papers?

Yes, it caught my eye. But really, is that all that matters?

Probably. Sometime soon we'll be hearing about how this was LowerMyBills 2nd most successful banner campaign, right behind "Dancing Rooftop Couple."

She Makes Gay Cowboys Dance

This is Jennifer Uhll from Los Angeles, and she is responsible for the lowermybills.com dancing banners. They're apparently not going to stop anytime soon.

If you'd like to drop Jennifer a line and thank her for her work or perhaps commission some dancing silhouettes for your clients, you can do so at her website, which has a dancing silhouette.

Jennifer, I know you're just doing your job, and you've given a lot of ad bloggers a lot of material to rant and talk about. That is what this business is about. So....good job.

Full story is here.