Our Good Friends, the House of Saud

A country based on Sharia law. An Islamic monarchy. A country where women can not vote. A country where there are no opposition parties. A country whose inhabitants are 100% Muslim, and a country where preaching anything other than Islam is punishable by death. (Facts all found here.)

Let's forget about all those things. Advertising is about how to spin your service or product for the good. They put together a pretty ad that makes them seem like a progressive and cool place to do business.

Crossposted to Radio Free Babylon.

Diplomacy is for Pussies (Post # 888)

Someday soon, John McCain will be able to execute a Google without the assistance of his aides. Meantime, his aides are hard at work asking you thoughtful questions via banner "polls."

As you might expect, if you answer "Yes" on this banner, it takes you to the same place that answering "No" does - which is, as you might expect, a place to donate money to a man who would sooner bomb the Iranians than meet with them.

Got to fix this banner.

Yes. Much better.

Maybe He'll Toss You a Guitar Pick

John McCain is heading to Mexico and Columbia to scavenge for respect among Hispanics, hoping to secure a stronghold among that powerful block of voters. Barack Obama will set off for Europe and the Middle East in mid-July to try to show that he’s got foreign policy skills. If international polling is any indication, and there’s no reason to think it shouldn't be, Obama is going to be a monster rockstar on this tour. His camp is said to be trying to avoid the huge crowds he drew here, but I think they should just run with it. Let it be what it is; an unexplainable phenomenon.

I read and hear the word “brand” used in association with political parties and politicians every day of late. It’s become the buzzword du jour among the talking heads who don’t really know what they’re saying. Hannity or Colmes are not branding experts. They are talking-point regurgitators. But Obama’s brand, while suffering some recent tarnishing around the edges here in the states, is about to get a major boost as the crowds will come out in force overseas, an image that will get wide play back here, further infuriating the right wing and reigniting their talk of “cult” and “messiah.” Even more frustrating for them will be images of hundreds or thousands of American soldiers and Marines in Iraq eager to shake Obama's hand.

If they insist on talking about brands, here’s a good analogy: Obama is The Rolling Stones or U2, selling out the O2 arena in London for consecutive nights. McCain is Merv and The Mellotones, playing to a small crowd of business travelers Tuesday through Thursday in the lounge at the Springfield Regional Airport Holiday Inn.

Size is ALL That Matters

We Americans see everything in terms of ourselves, no matter where on the planet we may be. If we're going to travel to your country, for instance, we'd like to be sure there will be Coca-Cola, a Starbucks and of course, a McDonald's close at hand. Some American TV channels would be nice, too. And when we go to your country, we don't like to think in terms of kilometers or Celsius. Give us the conversion formulas so we understand the REAL distances and temperatures. (Kilometers x .6 = miles. An easy, if slightly inaccurate Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion is "double it and add 30.") And do us a favor: speak English.

And when we measure your country, we measure it against what we know. Don't talk to us about strength of the dollar vs. your currency. Don't talk to us about culture, history or how many years we might need to subdue your tiny country if we ever have to put you in your place.

The following comparisons come from the extremely comprehensive and very useful CIA World Factbook, a great resource. It gives us some comfort to know that, besides Russia, we've got most of you beat. Don't be insulted by these comparisons. Embrace them. Perhaps we can create a sister-state organization whereby, for example, Vietnam and New Mexico exchange ideas and cultural ambassadors.

• Denmark: slightly less than twice the size of Massachusetts
• Belgium: about the size of Maryland
• Germany: slightly smaller than Montana
• Greece: slightly smaller than Alabama
• UK: slightly smaller than Oregon
• Iraq: slightly more than twice the size of Idaho
• Afghanistan: slightly smaller than Texas
• Costa Rica: slightly smaller than West Virginia
• France: slightly less than the size of Texas
• Iran: slightly larger than Alaska
• Vietnam: slightly larger than New Mexico
• China: slightly smaller than the US
• Russia: approximately 1.8 times the size of the US
• Cuba: slightly smaller than Pennsylvania
• Kenya: slightly more than twice the size of Nevada
• Israel: slightly smaller than New Jersey
• Lebanon: about 0.7 times the size of Connecticut
• Saudi Arabia: slightly more than one-fifth the size of the US
• Switzerland: slightly less than twice the size of New Jersey
• Ghana: slightly smaller than Oregon
• Czech Republic: slightly smaller than South Carolina

Who Said This?

"We must face the fact that the United States is neither omnipotent nor omniscient–that we are only six percent of the world's population–that we cannot impose our will upon the other ninety-four percent of mankind–that we cannot right every wrong or reverse each adversity–and that therefore there cannot be an American solution to every world problem."

A. Some crazy isolationist
B. Some wimpy politician
C. Some socialist dictator

For the answer, click here.