Wednesday, July 07, 2010

What the Disinguished Rapists and Pillagers are Wearing

Back in 1949, a company called SWANK was marketing these roguish tie tacks called "Magic Blades." A man could choose from the Cutlass, the Sabre, the Dagger and the Scimitar models. "Men prefer SWANK" was the company's innovative slogan, but the underlying message, was, of course, "You're a fucking PIRATE and the chicks are gonna throw themselves at you and beg to be ravaged!"

If SWANK was making these things today, they wouldn't need to be so classy, nor would they need the stupid name Magic Blades. Just take a page from the Pirate Marketing handbook and tell it like it is.

Previously in You're a ROGUE! a RAKE! A swashbuckling MAN OF ACTION:

Orgy Cologne
Swordsman™, by Jetpacks
Seafaring Loser a Winner with the Ladies
Caress the King and Kiss the Bishop
Axe Body Spray Causes Contact Orgasms
TIME's Stupid Attempt to Be Pirate Funny Flops
Themed Disney Cruise: Chicks Dig Pirates

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  • I wanna be a Pirate! Screw this spaceman gig. Pirate is where its at. I don't care about your space suit or fancy space ship or rocket. My Scimitar reflects the Scimitar of Love I am packing.

    Why would I ruin a nice tie like that! You don't know how big the sales numbers were do you? And where do you find this stuff! Micro-fiche? LOL

    By Anonymous Howie, at July 7, 2010 at 12:16 PM  

  • According to the copy, "Doesn't pierce your tie," which I guess is what makes it a Magic Blade. Maybe magnets?

    I'm finding these old ads on Google Books' magazine section.

    By Blogger Jetpacks, at July 7, 2010 at 2:06 PM  

  • I checked it seemed like they went through the material. Would be great to see if we could find one. Someone's Grandpa has one in a drawer tucked away. We could film a demo and revive the brand!

    By Anonymous Howie, at July 8, 2010 at 10:33 AM  

  • "...She laughed at my mighty sword Lord help me if you will." -- Randy Newman

    By Anonymous Saltine American, at July 9, 2010 at 9:06 PM  

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